Why Do People Not Want You To Speak Up To Abusive Relatives?

Have you ever noticed that almost no one says you are right to have problems with abusive family members?  That it is OK to defend yourself to them?  Instead, you are encouraged to “just let it go.”  Or, excuses are made like, “Well, she’s getting old now…”  or “You know how he is.”


Why do so many people think it is wrong to speak your mind & defend yourself when someone says cruel things to you?


I think it is because people do NOT want to leave their comfort zone.  They would prefer you stuff your emotions (because that is oh so healthy..not) than make them uncomfortable by standing up for yourself.


Those of us who have been abused have been through more than enough suffering.  It isn’t fair to expect us to go through more just to make someone else comfortable by not upsetting them.


When people tell you to “just let it go” or “don’t rock the boat”, ignore them!  If you feel you need to speak up when your parent is cruel to you, then by all means, you have that right!  There is nothing good, loving or honorable in “not rocking the boat.”  People need to be accountable for their actions, like it or not.  They need to know when they have said or done something that is inappropriate.  Whether or not they change their behavior is not your responsibility, but at least by speaking up you have made them aware of the inappropriateness of their actions.


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

6 responses to “Why Do People Not Want You To Speak Up To Abusive Relatives?

  1. Cindy

    I know,I was a,ways told to ‘let it go in one ear and out the other’.You wouldn’t just ignore a bullet that did that.Same difference


    • UGH. Yea, just ignore it. It’s just abuse- no biggie. *pulls out hair* You make a very good point too- you wouldn’t just ignore a bullet, so why ignore this? Makes no sense.

      I’ll never forget being told I need to get over my childhood hurts. Childhood hurts? No, it’s abuse, & it didn’t end in childhood- it continued into adulthood. Big difference between abuse & “childhood hurts.”


  2. jan

    After finally telling my family a little more about my abusive relationship with my mother and of coarse she denied it all, unfortunately I had finally come forward to tell them about abuse that I suffered both physical and mentally her hand, this day she tells people I made it up and some people believe her, even though no one in her family speaks to her, she has no close friend and my brother doesn’t speak to her either, She has hurt them all! She has gone after my son, which is what a Manipulative Narcissist does, turns someones son against them. She tells him lies about me and the big thing, she’s currently buying him, when I tell him he need to pay for things himself, he’s running to his grandmother, so I’M THE BAD PERSON RIGHT NOW!!
    She’s eating this up and using it for everything she can get out of it, to the point he’s not speaking to me! We’ve all tried to warn him. I have been in therapy my whole adult life and have been diagnosed with PTSD, she would abandoned us every year to year and a half. She would leave for six months and drop us off at my grandmothers. We never knew why or where she would go, then when I was 16 she finally left for good. I was left to raise myself, the only good thing I was no longer being beat! I’m 50 and I have been NO Contact for 3 years, I have found out when she would disappear back in the 70″s and 80″s she would have tried to commit suicide and they would lock her in a mental hospital. They had diagnosed her, back then with Manic Depressive and Schizophrenia. She refuses to get help today or go on medication, she says there is nothing wrong with her. But these Mental Illnesses require long term Medication!


  3. ibikenyc

    “Oh; don’t take it personally! IT’S JUST THE WAY SHE IS.”

    Okay; how about just the way I am?????

    Liked by 1 person

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