An Idea For Enjoying Birthdays

As I mentioned recently, my birthday just passed.  It’s not a happy day for me.  I’ve had many miserable birthdays.  More bad than good.  Thinking about many of them still makes me cringe.  As a result, I dread the day every year.  For years off & on, I tried to make good birthday memories but nothing helped me shake the yukky feelings attached to my birthday.


One of my lovely readers knows how I feel, & told me about something I could do.  I read about it & found it fascinating.


Queen Elizabeth & I share the same birthday (well, different years..).  Cool, but not the fascinating part.  The fascinating part is there is a royal custom regarding birthdays.  The queen’s birthday isn’t celebrated publicly on April 21st, but on the second Saturday in June.


My reader’s suggestion was to follow the Queen’s example with a little change.  Celebrate my birthday on a different day with a chosen few people only, thus making my birthday something to look forward to for a change.


The reason I’m sharing this, Dear Reader, is because so many adult children of narcissistic parents or those who were married to narcissists, share my experiences- many lousy birthdays, thanks to the narcissists in their life, have made them bitter about their own birthdays.  Hopefully those of you on this same boat will give the Queen’s idea a try.


Besides, it’s simply not fair!  Narcissists have stolen so very much from us, & that’s just wrong.  They have taken way too much.  It’s only right we take back something from them, anything.


Thinking about it now, I’m considering creating my new birthday in the fall.  It’s my favorite time of year- the weather is beautiful, the leaves are so colorful & the days are short as I like.  I’ve never been overly fond of the spring, so changing my birthday celebration to autumn sounds like a lovely idea.


What about you Dear Reader?  When would you like your new birthday celebration to be?


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

15 responses to “An Idea For Enjoying Birthdays

  1. Cindy

    It’s thought that,due to research on the Star of Bethlehem,Jesus was born on Sept 11th.Yet we celebrate on Dec 25th.I think it’s a nice idea 🙂


  2. I want a new birthday! love this idea! I will start searching around now for a new date. Thanks!


  3. Cindy

    I know with those realistic newborn dolls,they call them a re-birthday when adopted.So ya’ll could have a re-birthday


  4. Angela

    I feel the same way about Christmas Day. My eldest daughter likes to come home at Christmas time, but hasn’t always been able to be with us on December 25 due to the nature of her job. I don’t feel it’s necessary to celebrate on a particular day. To me the message of Christmas is “Peace on earth and goodwill to all men” which I should be thinking about every day, all year round.
    At a family party in June last year, my nmil had a rant saying that we should celebrate Christmas on December 25 because that was the day Jesus was born. In the silence that followed, I said that I didn’t think anyone had agreed on the date of his birth. (Afterwards, I looked it up found the same date as Cindy.) This came from someone who has always said she doesn’t want anything to do with religion. Nowhere in my Bible does it say I have to invite my nmil to my house on December 25. After her past performances on that day, I prefer to spend it more peacefully.


    • I agree, Angela- the date isn’t important. Not sure why people make such a fuss over it.

      I did have to laugh though.. my narcissistic late mil was the same exact way. Holidays had to be celebrated on the exact day or else! One Christmas, not everyone was coming to her party, so she stopped taking her insulin & ended up in the hospital right around Christmas (can’t recall for sure if it was on the day or day after).


  5. Birthdays pass with zero recognition from my boyfriend. Holidays? They erupt. Our first Christmas Eve my boyfriend did his typical routine: got high, insulted me to the point of tears, broke plans to attend my favorite candle lit service, and topped it off with hours of intense silent treatment. Christmas morning I woke up to intense pressure around my neck and panic that I could not catch my breath. My boyfriend had a dream I slept with his friend so he tightly wrapped his hands around my neck as punishment. He chokes me often because it will not leave much of a mark and he gets a sadistic pleasure from watching me struggle. He is my nightmare. He is currently incarcerated for a domestic abuse with intent to cause serious injury charge. Now is my time to run. For my birthday and every future holiday I would like to be with my parents and sister. I would like to feel at ease.


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