Many victims of narcissistic abuse that I have spoken with have said the exact same thing that I felt for years: “I wish I’d learned about narcissism years ago! I wish I knew why God waited so long to show me.” Most victims I’ve spoken with were over 40 when they first learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The absolute youngest I would say was in her late twenties.
This is often a source of frustration for many victims. We tend to feel angry for all the years wasted, not understanding what was happening & blaming ourselves for our abusive parents or spouse. We also don’t understand why God didn’t show us the real problem years earlier.
I wonder, Dear Reader, if it was because we simply weren’t mature enough to handle this knowledge until we have a few years under our belts.
If you still have a relationship with your narcissistic parent, it takes a great deal of wisdom & maturity to be able to handle it with your sanity in tact. These things can be gained only through age & experience.
Also, a solid foundation with God is absolutely essential to help you cope with the relationship. As a young, new Christian, you may not have had the mature relationship & deep faith you have today.
Whether you still have a relationship with your narcissistic parent(s) or not, if you are healing, you also need that strong relationship with God. I have found He guides my healing as I am able to handle things. He helps me face things only when I am strong enough. He also shows me new information as I am able to understand it. Looking back, I don’t think I would have accepted the information or help in my younger days when I felt like I needed to be able to do everything myself. It took years for me to learn to rely on God at all, because, like all children of narcissistic parents, I grew up knowing I shouldn’t “bother” anyone with my “petty” problems. I know now that I need God to help me cope & understand the things I have been through, but in my younger years, I would have denied that & refused His help.
I hope this answers that frustrating question of why didn’t God teach you about narcissism earlier. It can be a point of frustration for sure, but God does know what is best for us. If He delayed you learning about NPD, one thing you can know without a doubt- there was s good reason for it.
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 
I have also asked this question and mourned for the life I could have had. I’ve also thought about how much better life would have been for my children if I’d known sooner just how destructive an effect my N parents would have on them. But I take comfort in knowing these two things: that Gods timing is always perfect, and that He is a great healer. All that we have to do is to trust Him.
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So very true!!
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