Who Are You Now?

When a person is abused by a narcissist, they learn to accept the narcissist’s view of who they are.  They accept that they are weak, stupid, ugly, etc etc.  It is especially hard to get rid of such views when the abusive narcissist is a parent, but it can be hard no matter who the narcissist is that puts such dysfunctional, inaccurate views on a person.

 

Even years after the abuse has ended, many people still believe they are weak, ugly, stupid, etc.  It takes a long time to start to see yourself in an accurate way after enduring narcissistic abuse.  I would like to encourage you today, Dear Reader, to look at yourself differently.

 

For a moment, try to put aside all of the criticisms you heard from your narcissist.  Look back over your life.  Think about all of the things you have accomplished.  The things you have done in spite of hearing what a terrible person you were.  Look at how far you have come.  If you’re having trouble, write things down.  Writing things can be surprisingly validating.

 

In spite of the narcissist in your life trying to destroy you (either physically or emotionally or both), you are OK!  You are functioning.  You are surviving.  You are helping & inspiring people, whether you know it or not.  You are so much stronger than you realize!  Sure, you may have some problems stemming from the narcissistic abuse, but that is completely normal.  You are working on your healing & you are growing daily- that is impressive!

 

In spite of realizing these things I know it can be tempting to think of yourself as that dysfunctional victim you once were.  I get it- I do it sometimes myself.  But, try to remind yourself of who you are now, not of who you once were.  You are not the terrible person the narcissist once said you were & you believed you were.  You are strong & fierce.  You have not become bitter or narcissistic yourself.  You are working on becoming your own person.  You also are an adult now, not a child, so if the narcissist in your life is your parent(s), remind yourself of that.  You are no longer a child who felt she needed to obey her parents at all costs.  You are an adult with your own mind & free will.  If you’re a Christian, it is also your duty to put God first, not your parents.  If they insist you put them above God, remind yourself how dysfunctional that is!  You do not owe them anything beyond simple civility, basic respect.

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4 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

4 responses to “Who Are You Now?

  1. Cindy

    I know,I was raised with a lot of critisism (sp),to think I”m a horrible person.Yet I was expected to turn around and go to college,and get a spectacular,high paying job,after my self esteem had taken a beating.Makes no sense,after you break someone’s spirit.I didn’t think I could do anything

    Like

    • ((((Cindy)))) That is utterly crazy but then again, that’s how these people are. We’re stupid, but supposed to read their minds. We’re failures, but supposed to have good, high paying jobs. They really make NO sense at all!

      Like

  2. joieday

    Dear Cynthia, I just went No Contact with my mother. Finding this blog is really helping me with what many people go through when they are in these situations. So, I wanted to thank you for your writings and thank you for the help 🙂

    Like

    • Thank you so very much for saying that.. I truly appreciate it! ❤

      I'm sorry you've had to go no contact with your mother. It's not easy, is it? Although it is easier than continuing to be abused.

      Like

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