There are conflicting messages for victims of abuse. Some people encourage victims to speak out. Help raise awareness! Confronting your abuser will be good for you! Others encourage victims to keep quiet. Stop dredging up the past. Forgive & forget.
Rather than stating what I think victims should do, I would like to encourage you to decide what is right for yourself. After all, being vocal about being abused can be very challenging. Being vocal about it means you’re reliving some of the most painful experiences of your life. It also means some will criticize you harshly. You may lose friends & family who side with your abuser. Is this something you can deal with?
There are pros & cons for speaking out as well as staying quiet. You need to consider them seriously before making any decisions.
Silence isn’t always good, as it can encourage an abuser to continue abusing. Knowing the victim won’t tell anyone what is happening gives the abuser free reign to do as she/he pleases without fear of consequences. It also means things can stay pretty much the same for the victim in that her friends & family will continue treating her as they always have. Silence allows the victim to continue in the familiar place that she is accustomed to. This can be a good thing, to a degree, especially if she does not feel strong enough to confront her abuser or even discuss what has happened, & if this is only a temporary place.
Telling her story can empower the victim. She takes back the power that her abuser stole by forcing her to stay silent. She realizes it’s her story & she can do as she sees fit with it. She can help & inspire others who have been through similar circumstances if she opts to go public with her story (such as blogging about it, for example). By speaking openly about what happened, she also can give her family the opportunity to grow & to heal. However, telling also means that she can be setting herself up for criticism, even from those closest to her. Those she believed were on her side may turn against her. They may refuse to believe her, tell others she’s lying, or invalidate her pain if she speaks to them about the situation. And, if she opts to confront her abuser, that can open up a new world of pain. Abusers hate confrontation, especially narcissistic abusers. The abuser may turn the entire situation around, blaming the victim for what happened or denying they did anything wrong. Often, the one telling the truth is demonized by abusers as well as those who may have known about the abuse but did nothing. Many people can’t live with what they have done, so they vilify the victim.
What do you think is your answer, Dear Reader?
Before you answer that question, I urge you to pray. Let God give you advice on which way to go, & how to go about it. Also, allow Him to give you the strength you need, because either way is very challenging. You will need His strength. And remember, 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “But his answer was: “My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.” I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ’s power over me.” (GNT) God will empower you to do anything you need to do!
I would encourage victims to speak out and find a support network to help them in their recovery. Keeping silent and ignoring or minimising the pain will only lead to more problems further down the line.
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I think keeping silent can be different than ignoring the pain. I kept quiet for years, but I dealt with things just between God & I. It took me years to gain the courage to speak out, especially being so public as I am now. Ignoring & minimizing though is absolutely dangerous to one’s mental health.
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There are definitely conflicting messages out there. A lot depends on who you tell. For example, telling a sheriff that you were raped (where I live), ends up being swept under the rug- they don’t even write up reports. Be very selective- tell a rape crisis or domestic violence center, a therapist, a close friend, your doctor. You don’t need to have that “moment of justice” to heal…it may never happen. I love to watch Law and Order SVU, and dream about abusers being held accountable.
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They don’t even write reports when someone is raped in your area?! That is unbelievable!! WOW!!!!
That’s true, too.. you don’t need justice to heal. What happens to an abuser isn’t relevant to your healing. It’d be great to get justice, but it may not happen, like you said.
Isn’t SVU a great show? I love it.
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My experience anyway- especially if it was acquaintance rape. They just brush it off- the “good ole boy” mentality. I grew to think something was wrong with me for not liking to be raped…healing took a long time and the help of a domestic violence center. No justice…
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That is just incredible. I’m so sorry that happened to you! ❤
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Education is so important…for everyone!
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It really is. That’s one thing I’m trying to do with my blog & later youtube channel- teach people about narcissistic abuse & NPD.
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That is awesome! I also really like the “healthy relationship” lessons in schools. No doubt that this information sharing will make a difference…
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Wow, I hadn’t heard of the healthy relationship lessons! That is awesome!
Information sharing has to make a difference! Something has to! I saw an article recently that an estimated 158,000,000 people are affected by narcissistic abuse in the USA alone. Guessing the amount is actually higher. That is a lot of people in need of help.
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Wow! That is a large number! Just keep reaching as far as you can with information. I find I need to pray that the information gets to the ones who need to see it…you have a great blog❤️
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It sure is a large number! I can’t help them all but I’ll do what I can to reach as many as possible!
That is a wise prayer! I think I’m going to steal that.. 🙂
Thank you so much! ❤
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