Consequences & Narcissistic Parents

Proverbs 19:19  “A man of great anger will bear the penalty [for his quick temper and lack of self-control];
For if you rescue him [and do not let him learn from the consequences of his action], you will only have to rescue him over and over again.”  (AMP)

 

Consequences are a valuable thing.  They teach people what is & is not acceptable behavior, what is safe & not safe & more.  Many children of narcissistic parents are not taught this in a healthy way, however.

 

Narcissistic parents teach their children to take care of them, instead of the natural order of things, the parent caring for the child.  One way they expect their children to take care of them is to interrupt the natural event of consequences for their actions.

 

  • If the narcissistic parent hurts the child’s feelings, the child is to hold the pain inside rather than tell the parent how she feels to protect the parent’s feelings.
  • The child should never set boundaries of any sort with her parent, so the parent is free to abuse anytime, any way she is so inclined.
  • Most of all, the child never, ever should tell anyone about what her parent does to her.  That way, no one thinks badly of the parent or gets her in any trouble for child abuse.

 

As the child of a narcissistic parent grows up, they get fed up with such nonsense, & rightfully so.  It’s not fair this abusive, evil parent skates through life unscathed while her child suffers constantly.

 

If you’re in this place, Dear Reader, I want you to know that you have ever right to stop protecting your parent from the consequences of their actions.  It’s Biblical to allow consequences to happen- just reread the above mentioned Scripture again if you don’t believe that.  You have every right to set healthy boundaries & to tell your parent that her actions are not acceptable to you.    In fact, you even have the right to go no contact with your parent if you are so inclined.  Titus 3:10 says, “After a first and second warning reject a divisive man [who promotes heresy and causes dissension—ban him from your fellowship and have nothing more to do with him],” (AMP)  Parents are not excluded from this Scripture, I believe, because God knows that sometimes, even a parent/child relationship comes down to needing that separation.

 

So Dear Reader, please don’t forget that your parent needs consequences for their actions.  It is NOT your job to protect them from consequences.  They need them if they are to have any chance of learning to behave better.

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4 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

4 responses to “Consequences & Narcissistic Parents

  1. This is something I’ve tried to tell my siblings, that if we refused to remain silent about our NMs abuses or allow them to continue, she’d have to mend her ways. But they refused so I had to do this on my own. The result was not at all positive. So I’m NC with her and have also lost my siblings and their families because they have chosen to see her as a victim of my refusal to be hurt by her any more. What a crazy, mixed-up situation.

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    • That is such a shame! I’m sorry, Suzanne. Makes no sense, does it? I know it can be intimidating at the thought of giving a narcissist consequences, but it baffles me that people think it’s better to continue being abused. It really isn’t!

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      • Sometimes they refuse to apply consequences because they benefit somehow, as when there is a GC who receives more attention and (feigned) affection from the abuser than others in the family. And then there are those in the family who are themselves N abusers and would lose their cover (supporting an abuser against her victim) if the N reformed. The dynamic in dysfunctional families is a sad, complex thing.

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