As you saw in my last post, my life has been rather interesting to say the least lately.
I thought about how my father has gotten several people & even the police to come after me about contacting him. Since many narcissists are very similar, I thought I’d share some things narcissists do to recruit flying monkeys. That way when you see these behaviors in another person, you easily can discern what is going on.
- Narcissists are always victims in situations when someone has gone no contact with them. My father has the victim role down to an art form. Now that he’s pushing 80 & has a lot of serious health concerns, people are going to feel sorry for him even more readily. I have no doubt he’s used that to his advantage.
- Narcissists fake concern. My father told some folks he’s worried about me since I never answer my phone (I blocked his number). Who wouldn’t pity a sick, elderly man who says that?? By showing concern, they look like a good person & the victim looks bad.
- It’s all about them. They talk about what they want, think or feel. “I just want to talk to her” “I want to marry him” There is no regard for what the other person wants.
- Narcissists also never mention anything they’ve done. They explain someone won’t talk to them, & how mean the person is for not speaking to them, but they never mention the sheer hell they put that person through that pushed them to this point.
- The other person is talked about as a possession more than as a person. The narcissist may refer to that person as “my *insert relationship here*” rather than by their name. My father actually did this when talking with my husband- he referred to me as “his daughter” rather than by name. While there are times this is appropriate of course, narcissists use the possessive form in the extreme. For example, if I’m talking about my husband with my best friend, I refer to him as “Eric.” With a stranger, it’s usually “my husband.” A narcissist would use “my husband” with anyone, friend or stranger, to establish possession.
- Narcissists also have an air of superiority. They may brag about all they’ve done for their victim. If they’re a parent, they also act like their adult child has to do whatever they say because they’re the parent.
- They make hateful allegations. They may call their victim names or create lies about them. The victim’s spouse or others close to her may be accused as well. (Remember, my father accused my husband of keeping me from him? It’s a safe bet he told the police that very same thing- they don’t do welfare checks for nothing.)
If someone is saying & doing such things, it’s a safe bet that they’re a narcissist looking for flying monkeys. Normal people, ones with empathy, respect a person’s boundaries if they are cut off. They also self reflect, & feel bad about what they did. They don’t try to have others “talk sense” into that person or talk badly about that person behind their back.