Many people truly have no grasp how incredibly difficult the process of healing from abuse is. As a result, they often provide some unasked for & useless advice.
- “Just get over it.”
- “Just let it go.”
- “That happened a long time ago. You need to get over it already!”
- “Don’t think about it.”
- “Think happy thoughts.”
These messages all say the same thing- “Don’t talk about it. Sweep it under the rug & pretend it didn’t happen.” What a horrific message to give to someone who is suffering!!
Never allow this awful unasked for advice to get inside you! If you follow it, your pain will manifest in awful ways such as depression, nightmares, high blood pressure, digestive issues, diabetes & more. Emotions demand to be heard. If not given a healthy way to process, they will find other ways to come out.
People don’t realize that victims *do* need to think about it. Want to? No. Need to? Yes. Only when you face things can you heal. You need to remember what happened & feel all of the emotions connected to it- anger, hurt, etc.- before you can release them & be healed. This process often involves talking about it. A lot. There is nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong or wallowing in the past. It means you’re processing the event so you can move on.
Many times, victims have PTSD or C-PTSD. Intrusive thoughts come with the disorders. This means that thoughts go through your mind whether or not you want them to. Sometimes it’s impossible to “think happy thoughts.” There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, things just suck! It’s OK to admit that. A while back, God showed me that at times, being positive isn’t always a good thing. You can read about that at this link for more details. Are You Too Positive Or Too Negative?
Narcissistic abuse is especially complicated & insidious. It permeates every part of you. It takes a long time to heal from it because of its complexities. There is nothing wrong with you for taking a while to heal. I haven’t spoken with one victim who was able to fully recover, let alone do so quickly. I am in my 40’s & regularly still deal with things that happened to me in my childhood.
The next time someone offers you useless, unasked for advice such as “just get over it”, do your best to ignore it. Chalk it up to someone being ignorant of the complex road that is healing from abuse.