For years, one thing that has bothered me about the relationship with not only my narcissistic mother, but also narcissistic grandmother & narcissistic mother in-law is the waste of it all. I was pretty much nothing but a bother to my narcissistic mother. When I was one of the caregivers for my narcissistic grandmother, she ordered me around like the hired help & was constantly hateful & cruel to me. We should’ve been close since I spent so much time with her, but instead I was nothing but a servant to her. As for the mother in-law, she hated me since we met, never giving me a chance. I’m just the woman who stole her son.
This is so sad to me. It seems like nothing but waste. Narcissism stole any chance at me having a decent, at the very least civil, relationship with any one of these women. On top of the damage it causes, such as stealing joy & destroying self-esteem, narcissism also steals relationships.
It’s also sad to me to think about what these narcissists in my life missed out on. Admittedly, I still have issues with self-esteem, but even so, I realize I’m not a bad person. I have a good (albeit warped) sense of humor. I like to help people. These people have missed out on that, & it’s a shame for them.
Have you ever thought about that? About what your narcissistic mother has missed out on by treating you the way she has?
It’s common I think to be so focused on what we, the victims, missed out on, but I think contemplating what they, the abusers, missed out on too can be helpful. It helps you to realize you aren’t unworthy, as you were made to believe.
If you really think about it, your narcissistic mother missed out on a lot. You have many great qualities, & it is her loss not to be able to enjoy those. What good qualities do you have? Are you loyal? Compassionate? Fun? Helpful? She also missed out on so many of those lovely mother/daughter moments, such as picking out a prom dress, planning your wedding, or helping you pick out paint colors for your first home. So many mothers & daughters are very close friends- she missed out on your lovely friendship. You aren’t the only one who missed out on those- they would’ve been a blessing to her as well. She missed out on watching you grow & appreciating you in each phase of your life.
Your narcissistic mother has missed out on so much with you. You are truly a gem, & it’s her loss that she’s been so involved with her narcissism that she missed out on that. Do you know that?
If you’ve never thought like this before, I’d like to encourage you to think about it. What has your narcissistic mother missed out on with you? Think about the wonderful qualities you bring to a relationship. When you do, you’ll see that your mother has lost a special gift in you. You’ll also see that just maybe, you aren’t as terrible as she always tried to make you believe.