For years, one thing that has bothered me about the relationship with not only my narcissistic mother, but also narcissistic grandmother & narcissistic mother in-law is the waste of it all. I was pretty much nothing but a bother to my narcissistic mother. When I was one of the caregivers for my narcissistic grandmother, she ordered me around like the hired help & was constantly hateful & cruel to me. We should’ve been close since I spent so much time with her, but instead I was nothing but a servant to her. As for the mother in-law, she hated me since we met, never giving me a chance. I’m just the woman who stole her son.
This is so sad to me. It seems like nothing but waste. Narcissism stole any chance at me having a decent, at the very least civil, relationship with any one of these women. On top of the damage it causes, such as stealing joy & destroying self-esteem, narcissism also steals relationships.
It’s also sad to me to think about what these narcissists in my life missed out on. Admittedly, I still have issues with self-esteem, but even so, I realize I’m not a bad person. I have a good (albeit warped) sense of humor. I like to help people. These people have missed out on that, & it’s a shame for them.
Have you ever thought about that? About what your narcissistic mother has missed out on by treating you the way she has?
It’s common I think to be so focused on what we, the victims, missed out on, but I think contemplating what they, the abusers, missed out on too can be helpful. It helps you to realize you aren’t unworthy, as you were made to believe.
If you really think about it, your narcissistic mother missed out on a lot. You have many great qualities, & it is her loss not to be able to enjoy those. What good qualities do you have? Are you loyal? Compassionate? Fun? Helpful? She also missed out on so many of those lovely mother/daughter moments, such as picking out a prom dress, planning your wedding, or helping you pick out paint colors for your first home. So many mothers & daughters are very close friends- she missed out on your lovely friendship. You aren’t the only one who missed out on those- they would’ve been a blessing to her as well. She missed out on watching you grow & appreciating you in each phase of your life.
Your narcissistic mother has missed out on so much with you. You are truly a gem, & it’s her loss that she’s been so involved with her narcissism that she missed out on that. Do you know that?
If you’ve never thought like this before, I’d like to encourage you to think about it. What has your narcissistic mother missed out on with you? Think about the wonderful qualities you bring to a relationship. When you do, you’ll see that your mother has lost a special gift in you. You’ll also see that just maybe, you aren’t as terrible as she always tried to make you believe.
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 
Cynthia, I couldnt agree more.
Thankfully no one in my family has narcissistic traits …but my close friend does and she only has 2 other close friends due to her narcissism……very few people can get close…..she has damaged 2 ladies (one of whom is myself) by her bullying and intimidating ways…..its so so sad that these people miss out on normal friendships due to trying to control and manipulate……it must be very stressful living this fake life at church, fooling everyone whilst the” real” person is so cruel and arrogant.
I have had to go no contact yet again, to preserve my sanity and protect myself from all the deceived enablers and flying monkeys …plus of course the constant triangulation and playing off one person against another behind the scenes.its a truly sick game these people play…then to top it all off they act like the victim using lies and fake crocodile tears to get sympathy and attention…my oh my …..its an awful and very sad way to live .
Church people are so ignorant and easy to manipulate which breaks Gods heart ….and mine!!!
Keep up the education…as it is so desperately
needed.
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Thank you so much Tess! ❤
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It's good you're protecting yourself from her though.
It really is a very sad way to live, isn't it? It must be so hard, living a lie constantly by putting on their acts & working so hard to control & manipulate people. It's such a waste!
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Cynthia, I couldnt agree more.
Thankfully no one in my family has narcissistic traits …but my close friend does and she only has 2 other close friends due to her narcissism……very few people can get close…..she has damaged 2 ladies (one of whom is myself) by her bullying and intimidating ways…..its so so sad that these people miss out on normal friendships due to trying to control and manipulate……it must be very stressful living this fake life at church, fooling everyone whilst the” real” person is so cruel and arrogant.
I have had to go no contact yet again, to preserve my sanity and protect myself from all the deceived enablers and flying monkeys …plus of course the constant triangulation and playing off one person against another behind the scenes.its a truly sick game these people play…then to top it all off they act like the victim using lies and fake crocodile tears to get sympathy and attention…my oh my …..its an awful and very sad way to live .
Church people are so ignorant and easy to manipulate which breaks Gods heart ….and mine!!!
Keep up the education…as it is so desperately
needed.
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Thank you! I needed to read this! I finally told my kids this week about why they haven’t seen their grandma in a year and a half. My 5-year-old was emotional and confused.
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Thank you!!
That must’ve been a very hard conversation! How old are your kids? No wonder your 5 year old was emotional & confused.. aren’t we all when it comes to the narcissist in our lives?
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I’ve not thought of this in terms of what my Nrents and siblings missed by not having a close relationship with me. That’s probably because they always made me feel so worthless, as if I was just a burden and a disgrace to them. But I do mourn knowing their eternal future is at stake because they are all unredeemed. And while journaling about my Nrents I started to think about the gifts they were blessed with. They both had so much potential to be happy and successful. Instead they were either miserable failures or didn’t live up to their potential in everything they touched, especially concerning their children. And they measured their success by the success of their children and purely in terms of the material things they achieved. Truly theirs has been a life of wasted opportunities and that makes me very sad, for them and for me.
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I’m sure they did make you feel that way. That’s a specialty of narcissists- make people feel utterly worthless. That’s why I wanted to get people thinking from a different perspective, to help see their worth.
That is incredibly sad about your parents. It’s so sad seeing such wasted lives. Sad too they got their worth & value from their children’s financial success. What a foolish thing to affect their self-esteem!
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Foolish, yes. They were always their own worst enemies. No one could have hurt them more than they hurt themselves. But isn’t that true of all narcissists?
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Does seem to be the case, doesn’t it?
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Wow! I really needed to read this! Thanks, Cynthia! x
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