An Important Point About No Contact

No contact is often the only solution preached when a victim of narcissistic abuse looks for advice.  People make it sound like once you get that narcissist out of your life, everything will be peachy keen.  However, this is not the case!


No contact is a wonderful thing.  I am very much in favor of it since often it is the only solution that can help a victim keep their sanity.  It creates the distance needed to help the victim have clarity of thought that is impossible while involved with a narcissist.  That being said, though, there needs to be more to it than simply cutting the narcissist out of your life.


If your parents are narcissists, chances are you find yourself in friendships & romantic relationships with narcissists.  You can end the relationship with your parents, but if that’s all you do, you’ll continue to find yourself in these toxic relationships.


Rather than cutting ties only, you need to learn all you can about narcissism.  Doing this will help you to spot narcissists easily, before they lure you into their dysfunctional web.  It also will show you that you are not to blame for anything they did to you.  Narcissists love blaming their victims for the abuse they dish out, which leaves victims feeling guilty unnecessarily.  Learning about narcissism will help you to get a revelation on the fact that their abuse was all on them.  You truly aren’t the problem, a bad person or anything else they said you were!


Also, focus on your own healing.  Grow stronger & healthier emotionally.  Get to the root of your issues so you can truly heal.  As you get healthier, your self esteem will heal too, & you will find yourself attracted to & attracting healthier people into your life.  You also will find you can handle yourself with the abusive ones that are impossible to avoid.


If you are considering going no contact, then please keep these points in mind!  Going no contact can help you a great deal of course, but you don’t need to stop there.  Learn about narcissism & focus on your healing as well as going no contact, as these things will benefit you immensely!


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

6 responses to “An Important Point About No Contact

  1. ibikenyc

    Good Morning, Cynthia! Thank you for this wonderful post.

    They are SO insidious.

    One thing that keeps me going at times (right now) is imagining the lovely things I am gonna do with all the energy I now “devote” (pretty sure there’s a great joke there; ha ha) to HIM.


  2. tess

    Thank you once more Cynthia for your common sense às usual.
    N C is drastic but there are times when minimal contact just will not work…..I have tried it several times but there eventually comes a point where it hasnt been enough and has left my narc angry and resentful…which is v sad.


    • Thank you Tess!

      It’s very drastic for sure & should only be a last resort, but as you said, there are times when low contact doesn’t work. Narcissists don’t want to work on their relationships, & one person alone can’t make one work. Often, no contact is the only solution.


  3. HopeGlenn

    I love, love this post. I am out a year and a half from the narc/sociopaths house. I had some contact with him, saw him a few times and yes was hoovered back in(not living with him) and now have gone 124 days full on no contact. I agree 100% about the doing more than just NC. The space does allow for clearing of the soul and mind. Learning all you can is excellent. Watch as many videos as you can, read as much as you can and stay alert. And try, oh try to do self care. That is the antidote to this evil.
    My view of myself is so skewered. I come from a narc/psychopath father to a 20 year marriage to a narc sociopath and then a relationship with a narc psychopath for almost 5 years.
    I just left a job today because the same behavior is happening at my job. Getting out and going NC and learning, learning enabled me to see a lot more things about me, around me. It allowed me to see the spots, the places that screamed for my attention. It made me pay attention to what was happening in my body.
    There is so much. And I cannot be silent.

    Liked by 1 person

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