Shock & Abuse

Sometimes when abuse gets especially bad, it can put a person into shock.  This can be expected when someone is beaten or raped, especially by someone known to the victim, but it comes other times as well.

 

In cases of narcissistic abuse, a narcissist can be much like a machine gun of abuse- shooting out abuse after abuse in a short period of time.  A victim doesn’t have the time to cope with one episode before another comes along.  Or, the abuse can be so outrageous that it is simply unbelievable.  When this happens, victims can go into a state of shock

 

I believe this happens because the brain is trying to protect the victim.  Shock gives a person time to come to terms with the fact something awful has happened.  Unfortunately though, it still can be difficult to go through.  Focus & concentration can be hard to come by.  You may feel very “spacey”.  You also may miss things you normally notice such as if someone is making a joke.  And, you may not be able to identify your emotions.

 

During the last few weeks of my father’s life, due to the constant abuse I received for not saying good bye to him as well as my own grief, I experienced shock like I’ve never experienced before.  (That’s saying something too since I experienced it on a regular basis growing up due to constant abuse, especially in my late teens.)  At the time of me writing this, my father has been dead for about six weeks now, & the shock is still there.   It’s finally starting to diminish a little bit. One plus at least is I’m learning how to cope with shock, so I thought I’d share what I’m learning with you, Dear Reader.

 

I don’t think it’s a good idea to try to get over shock right away.  It happened for a reason- to protect your mental health.  Don’t try to force yourself to get better right away, because obviously you aren’t ready to cope with what happened just yet.  It reminds me of repressed memories- forcing them to come back to the forefront of your mind can cause you more suffering than is necessary.  Just let the shock work itself out.

 

Try to take care of yourself.  I say try because as an adult child of narcissistic parents, I know self care isn’t easy.  Try it anyway.  Get plenty of rest, eat good food, & don’t neglect your physical health.  Shock can take a toll on your body as well as your mind, so treat it well.

 

Do things that make you feel nurtured.  Drink herbal tea, coffee or cocoa.  Spend a day curled up in your favorite blanket & watch funny movies all day.  Buy yourself little treats like a new book or CD you’ve been wanting.  Simple little gestures can help you to feel better.

 

In time, the shock will lift, & you will need to face what you’re feeling after your trauma.  Don’t forget to continue taking good care of your physical & mental health when that happens!  Emotional work takes up a lot of energy, so you need to take care of both your physical & mental health as you heal.

 

I noticed something about my situation that I wonder if others have faced as well.  During the worst of the shock, I stopped remembering my dreams.  This was very odd for me as I’ve always had very vivid dreams that I clearly remember.   I believe that is because my brain was trying to come to terms with the daily traumas I endured for that time.  I finally started remembering some of my dreams about five weeks after the last traumatic episode surrounding my father’s death happened.

 

I find dreams to be extremely helpful in understanding my emotional health.  I strongly advice paying attention to your dreams once you begin having them again.  Write them down.  Look up dream symbols to help you to understand what your dreams are about.  Personally, I like http://www.dreammoods.com .  Also ask God to help you to understand them.  You may find some valuable insight in your dreams.

16 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

16 responses to “Shock & Abuse

  1. ibikenyc

    I keep clicking on “like,” but it doesn’t show up.

    So sorry you’re still going through this. I had no idea his death was so recent.

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  2. This is hard to go through. But symptoms do lessen with time. You made so many great points. Loved the blog.

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    • You’ve experienced this shock too then?

      Thank you so much!

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      • In a way yes. I didn’t have such a traumatic event as you. But I had gasoline poured at my feet. I can relate to the shock feeling. I have PTSD due to the incident. 🙂 Great writing by the way. I love the interesting perspective of feeling shock you went into. It’s something not talked about. Due to people being unaware that they are experiencing shock.

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        • Please don’t compare our experiences- both were traumatic just in different ways. Abuse is abuse & I don’t like it when people say “My experiences weren’t as bad as yours” because honestly, they were! Not trying to sound harsh- it’s just a fact that all abuse hurts & damages.

          I’m almost afraid to ask who did that & why gas was poured at your feet.. that is sick!!

          Thank you so much!! I try to post things that are unique sometimes. There is just so much to narcissistic abuse & so many things that happen… it’s not always easy to identify what’s happening or how to cope.

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  3. Sometimes, the shock sends the brain into complete denial. The offending act is sent to an abyss where it is forgotten, but then, a scent, a TV program, or another form of stimuli summons the memory, leaving one to face the abuse once again as if in the present. So, yes, we need to always care for ourselves the best we can.

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