The Need To Discuss Narcissistic Abuse

Those of us who have been through narcissistic abuse need to talk about it.  It is part of the healing process, discussing our experiences.  This happens for several reasons.

 

Narcissists routinely convince their victims of all manners of ridiculous things, & it takes a lot of talking to be able to sort out the truth from their lies.

 

Narcissistic abuse is very difficult to wrap your mind around, even when you have experienced it first hand.  Talking about what you have been through makes it more real, & enables you to accept that these awful things did happen.  Once that happens, you can begin to heal.

 

Narcissists invalidate their victims constantly, about every single thing that can be invalidated.  Once we realize we have been abused & come away from that, we crave validation.  We especially crave it about the experiences we had, because the narcissist told us we were the problem, they did nothing wrong.  It helps us so much to hear that they were the problem, not us.  We all need to hear this!  The less we hear it, the more likely we are to continue believing we are the real problem in the relationship.  We can’t heal if we don’t know this truth.

 

Some people may not understand that you need to talk about your experiences, & may be nasty to you, but that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with talking about it.  It means you’re a normal person who has been through an abnormal situation.

 

When you find people who don’t understand your need to discuss what you have been through, it’s time to move on, & find others with whom you can discuss your experiences without fear of judgment.  Other survivors are usually the safest people you can talk to.  They understand how surreal everything is, & how you need validation.  They also can share how they have learned to live with the abuse done to them.

 

Remember, Dear Reader, there is nothing wrong with you for feeling the need to discuss what you have been through!  Go with it!  You will feel so much better if you do.

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19 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

19 responses to “The Need To Discuss Narcissistic Abuse

  1. And, that is one of the great things about sharing our blogs filled with experiences, insights, and support. Thanks!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. A R

    When I write about my broken marriage it gives me some release from my stressful situation. However, I do feel a since of guilt. I write about some real depressing events. I am not trying to depress others who read my blog. I am just writing about true events in my life which I have experienced.
    Your are exactly correct about validation. I am open to any criticism or comments. I need to know that I am “NOT CRAZY”. I have been told for many years that I am the problem. I am the one who is overly sensitive. I am the one who will never be happy. I am the one who is ruining our marriage. The list goes on and on.
    Sometimes I have nothing left inside of me because, he has taken everything from me. He has taken my laughter, self-esteem, and happiness away. Yet, he is so blinded by his sin he will never see the truth.
    I love reading your blog. I can relate to it in so many different ways. Thank you!!

    Liked by 3 people

    • By writing about your marriage, even the bad parts, people are able to relate to you. It’s so important people know they aren’t alone, & reading that someone experienced something similar to them can be very comforting. I’m sure you’re helping people by writing about such things, & not depressing them!

      UGH.. I’m so sorry you heard all of those awful things from your ex. How awful! Just what you did NOT need to hear! (That doesn’t stop narcissists, however.. they love putting such nonsense on other people & watching them suffer for it.) My ex husband never came out & said I was crazy, oversensitive & such, but he definitely implied those things. Of course if I said “You said I’m crazy” or whatever, he would say he didn’t. He was right.. he didn’t say the phrase. It was hinted at strongly though.

      Give yourself time… you can get those things back! ❤

      Thank you so much!!

      Liked by 3 people

    • ibikenyc

      For what it’s worth, I know exactly what you mean. All the gaslighting. All the pushing of the reset button. All the OUTRAGEOUS just FAILURE to accept responsibility for what he does! My GOD.

      I used to stand by, CHOKING on impotent rage. I liken it to trying to pelt someone with tissues.

      I’m really sorry about what you go through.

      IT’S.
      NOT.
      YOU!

      Liked by 4 people

      • A R

        Thank you…. I am sorry you had to experience this also. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. This abuse is extremely difficult because, the bruises are not exposed. They are inside where people cannot see them.
        I am realizing that it is NOT me. I have beaten myself down so many times. I still do. I now know that I am not to blame. HE IS!

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for this post, Cynthia! I so appreciate your understanding and affirming words.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The longer I spend learning about narcissistic abuse the more I’ve come to believe that narcissists construct and live in an alternate reality. And they manipulate others to live there with them. In this alternate reality the N is perfect in every way. They are never wrong or in the wrong. If there is fault it belongs to others and never to them. And their targets not only deserve every horrible thing the N does to them; they cause the N to do those things. The N has no culpability at all. This is why they react so strongly when we tell others how the N has treated us. Our truth intrudes on this alternate reality, which is nothing more than one great lie.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. This was great… coming out of a two year relationship that ended 14 times with a narc. The most difficult part of recovery is knowing what is what. They invalidate your reality so much, that as an empath you over compensate sometimes and dont always know what to feel. The worst part was when you start becoming like them… interrupting, saying “but you did ___” then they point the finger at you fortheir habits you pick up. I became afraid and shameful of feeling offended because I was so confused abuot whether I had the “right” or not. And thats bondage.

    Liked by 1 person

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