“She Couldn’t Have Done Those Things! She’s Too Nice!”

When an abuse victim isn’t believed, often times the person who doesn’t believe the victim says it’s because the abuser is too nice or too good of a person.  No one so kind could do the terrible things the victim says they did!  The victim must have misunderstood, is exaggerating or flat out lying!

What the non believing people fail to realize is that this is typical of abusive people, narcissists in particular.  Abusers have two sides- the side they show the public & the side they show to those closest to them, their victims.  Behaving in such a manner guarantees the victim won’t be believed if she tells others about what the abuser does.  People will believe the charade of a good person because abusers are notoriously good actors.  Some are even able to convince mental health professionals they aren’t abusive, & that the victim is lying.

If someone you know tells you that someone else you know is abusing them but you don’t believe it, please keep this in mind.  Don’t brush someone off because the person they accuse of abuse is “too nice” to do such things.  If you don’t live with that person, you don’t know the real person!



Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

7 responses to ““She Couldn’t Have Done Those Things! She’s Too Nice!”

  1. Just recently someone talked about how kind my NM is. Yes, she may appear kind to some but to her targets she is anything but. And those people who think she’s so kind should hear what she says about THEM when they are out of earshot.


    • Ain’t that the truth! I’ve heard that kind of stuff about my mother too & thought the same exact things. If they only knew what she says behind their backs..

      Liked by 1 person

      • Incredibly, some do know. But for many reasons (conditioning, fear of retaliation, the fog of abuse, the mistaken belief that it is morally good and appropriate to enable and defend abusers, the belief that they can’t help it because they were abused or are mentally ill, etc.), they still refuse to do anything about it. They won’t even get angry with her. There are so few who both see the truth of, and take action to protect themselves from, narcissistic abuse. It’s maddeningly sad.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. ibikenyc

    “Your mother is SOOOOOO nice!”

    I used to get this even from my own friends.

    Yah; in front of an AUDIENCE.


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