I got quite the surprise this past Christmas. A letter from my parents’ attorney arrived in the mail two days before Christmas.
Pretty special, huh? Notice it was sent both regular & certified mail.
I’m sharing this not only for entertainment value (really- how bizarre is this?!) but also to remind you that there is no low that is too low for any narcissist & to help you to cope when things like this happen to you.
To cope, you need to think logically not emotionally. You certainly will need to deal with the anger or hurt or whatever you feel, of course, but when trying to find the best way to deal with a bad situation, it’s best to leave emotions out of it as they can cloud your judgement. Look at the problem from all angles & ask God for help figuring out ways to cope. One way that might help is if you think of the problem as if a friend came to you with it- what would you tell that friend?
Also trying to understand the motivation behind the actions, because that can help you. I firmly believe everything narcissists do boils down to gaining narcissistic supply. Once I realized that, it helped me not to be as hurt or angered (because what they did wasn’t personal- it was to benefit them), or to be manipulated.
To show what I’m talking about, I thought I’d share my thoughts about this letter:
Notice the timing.. as I said, this arrived two days before Christmas, the last possible day to get anything in the mail before Christmas day. Growing up, I loved Christmas. My mother thinks I still do, & never believed that I have grown to hate it. It’s safe to assume the timing was an attempt to ruin my holiday. If she thinks she ruined my holiday, that’s narcissistic supply.
Check out the wording in the letter. The lawyer could have mentioned asking me about the car on my mother’s behalf without the attempt to manipulate me & the comments such as “accept this as a heartfelt expression of her love.” Totally unnecessary. That was flying monkey behavior which means it has no basis in truth & reality. Why should I take anything he said seriously under such circumstances?!
Also.. as I said, it came from an attorney. Seems obvious to me that was meant to shake me up a bit. Who wouldn’t be upset seeing a letter from an attorney in their mailbox & then a notice it was also sent certified mail prior to learning the contents of the letter?! More potential narcissistic supply for my mother- upsetting me.
I also think it’s safe to assume that being from her attorney was an attempt by my mother to force me to deal with her. Manipulation attempt/more narcissistic supply.
When I first got this letter, it did shake me up, I’ll admit it. I was livid my mother would go to this extent to try to get me in touch with her when it’s very clear I want no parts of her in my life. But, after some time to pray, calm down & think clearer, I realized the things I mentioned. This letter wasn’t a huge deal like it felt like at first. It simply was my mother’s means of attempting to manipulate me & gain her precious supply. Realizing all of this meant I was able to relax & decide the best way to handle the situation properly.
Dear Reader, I’m sure if you haven’t faced some especially low behavior from the narcissist in your life, you will. It’s how they operate. When that happens, please consider this post. Deal with your emotions but not while trying to consider how to handle the situation. Pray & use logic. It will help you to understand what’s happening, which will enable you to come up with the best solution.
Oh, & if you’re interested.. I did write back to the attorney about a week later. All I said was “Regarding your recent letter about my mother, I don’t want my father’s car.” I decided that I should respond rather than take a chance of my mother finding other ways to harass me about this situation, since I’ve had enough harassment to last a lifetime. I did so in my own timing, however, to let her know she can’t make me do anything her way. I also decided it’d be best to acknowledge NONE of the flying monkey nonsense or say anything that could be read into, which is why my entire “letter” lasted ONE sentence. 🙂