Rape In Marriage

**Obviously this post is about a sensitive topic.  If you have been sexually assaulted, this may be triggering for you.**

A topic rarely discussed yet is a huge problem is marital rape.  It’s certainly an ugly topic, & it definitely makes people uncomfortable.  Many people don’t even believe it’s a real thing, because they wrongly think if you’re married, your spouse can’t rape you.  Unfortunately marital rape also is a common phenomenon, especially among those married to narcissists.

Narcissists are the ultimate in selfishness, as anyone with any experience with one knows.  They expect everything to be their way, including sex.  Some narcissists use physical threats & violence to take what they want, others use guilt or shaming.

When a narcissistic spouse uses guilt or shaming to fulfill his sexual desires, this often goes unrecognized as abusive by the victim.  The problem is, it’s still as abusive as if he’d held a gun to your head.  It doesn’t matter if he’s your husband- no one should force you to have sex through either physical force or by using mind games!

The legal definition of rape means forced sexual contact against someone’s will.  It doesn’t say it only happens between strangers or only when a lethal weapon is used.  Rape can happen between married people, & does every day.  Rape often happens because the weapon of choice was a husband telling his wife, “If you loved me you would do this for me” even knowing it will cause her physical &/or emotional pain, yet not caring about that.  I have been in that position as well as having certain activities forced on me & both are incredibly difficult to cope with.

Some folks may even quote the Bible regarding this topic, but often it is taken completely out of context.  The first part of 1 Corinthians 7:4 says, ” The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband…”  (NIV)  The verse actually doesn’t end there, however.  And, the first 7 verses of this chapter in the Amplified translation clearly explain the point the apostle Paul was making: Now as to the matters of which you wrote: It is good (beneficial, advantageous) for a man not to touch a woman [outside marriage]. But because of [the temptation to participate in] sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his [marital] duty to his wife [with good will and kindness], and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have [exclusive] authority over her own body, but the husband shares with her; and likewise the husband does not have [exclusive] authority over his body, but the wife shares with him. Do not deprive each other [of marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves [unhindered] to prayer, but come together again so that Satan will not tempt you [to sin] because of your lack of self-control. But I am saying this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all the people were as I am; but each person has his own gift from God, one of this kind and one of that.” (AMP)  Obviously, rape is NOT God’s will.  These verses prove sex is God’s will to be a part in a loving marriage.

Sex isn’t supposed to hurt either physically or emotionally.  It isn’t supposed to be one sided or forced or something that forces someone to compromise one’s values.  It’s supposed to be two people who love each other giving & receiving pleasure & joy.  If only one person is enjoying it while the other person is miserable, that is wrong & abusive!

If you’re married to a narcissist, & this is happening to you, I’m sorry.  Rape is a horrible, horrible thing.  When done to you by someone who is supposed to love, cherish & protect you, it may be even worse than when done by a stranger because now you also have to deal with the feelings of betrayal.

If at all possible, please, PLEASE get away from your abusive spouse!  (If you’ve read my writing for any length of time, you know I don’t like to tell people “just go no contact” since I believe it’s an individual’s choice.  So, if I’m recommending getting away from a narcissist, it’s because I firmly believe it’s the wisest thing to do for your own safety!)  Look into marital rape laws in your area & press charges.


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Narcissism

9 responses to “Rape In Marriage

  1. My abusive husband treated me any way he wished, and yes, he did rape me, for the act was definitely against my will.


  2. KD

    Important post! Thanks for tackling this. I cried while I read it; my ex-husband treated me like a princess at first. And then he started to watch rape porn. He wanted me to “role play” with him, but for me it wasn’t a role. I didn’t want to “play.” I did leave. It was a wakeup call when I found myself pregnant, locked in a closet, razor to wrist, because I would have preferred death over raising a child with him.


    • I’m so very sorry for what you’ve gone through with your ex! Thank God you didn’t kill yourself!! I can certainly understand why you thought that way though! A person can take only so much.

      I’m sorry too, I just saw you comment. I wasn’t ignoring you


  3. Ding Dong The Divorce is Done

    This is a very important post. Thank you for getting the word out regarding this important topic. This happened to me in my marriage …April 10th to be exact. When this happened I didn’t know who to turn to, he made it seem as though it was his right to use my body when he so desired. This is not right. Women need to know that marital rape does happen and that they are not alone.
    Once I was free and clear of the wasband and the judge declared us legally divorced I shared my story because I was no longer going to be silenced.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so very sorry for what happened to you! It was so wrong!

      I agree, women need to know about this & they aren’t alone! Not many women seem to realize marital rape is a real thing. Probably convinced by their abusive husbands they are nothing but property.

      I wish you the best in getting the word out!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. marienowacki

    I admire you for sharing your story; I am just beginning to share mine.


    • Thank you! It’s not easy, but it’s worth it to share when it helps other people. This topic, I’m not overly comfortable sharing too much about just yet.. in time though it’ll probably happen.

      Best wishes for you! May God grant you the strength & courage you need to share your story! ❤


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