Kinda along the lines of my last post about marital rape…
Another way narcissists can abuse their partners is by withholding intimacy. Although this is commonly thought to be something only women do, men do it as well.
Withholding sex can be as emotionally damaging as forcing it, but in different ways. Withholding can make a person question & doubt herself. She thinks things like she isn’t attractive or desirable or even thinks she is disgusting in some way, which is why her partner refuses to make love to her. This particularly cruel type of rejection is devastating to the self-esteem, & a person with low self-esteem is easy for an abuser to control. Low self-esteem means a person will tolerate a lot of abuse from her partner, & for a long time. She does not think anyone else would have her, so why leave?
Sex also can be used as manipulation. An abuser may promise sex if his partner does something else he wants, & the partner, wanting sex, will do whatever the abuser asks.
It also can be used as a punishment. For example, if you do something your partner didn’t want you to do, he may refuse to have sex with you for weeks or even months
If you are experiencing these things with your spouse, they are abusive! Don’t doubt that for a moment!
Also don’t doubt yourself. I know it’s hard, but the way you feel is wrong! You aren’t unworthy of your partner’s love- your partner is being abusive, & that is no reflection on you whatsoever. Talk to God about how you feel, & ask Him to tell you the truth about who you are. I also have some affirmations on my website that may help you. They are available at the following link: http://cynthiabaileyrug.com/Positive-Affirmations.php
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 
You keep hitting the mark when it comes to narcissistic behavior. I find myself thinking, yes, that is so correct.
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Thank you.. lucky me *cough*, I’ve had plenty of experience with them to learn how they operate.
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I’ve lived with them for the majority of my life, but only recently appreciated using the term”narcissists” to describe those maddening, frightening, and deplorable behaviors. Thanks for your insights.
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I’m sorry you have dealt with them too.
It is good to have a name for the behavior, isn’t it? Although I do wish it wasn’t labeled a “disorder” because it makes it sound like their behavior is beyond their control when it obviously isn’t.
You’re very kind.. .thank you.
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Dealing with so many narcissists in my life, I’m not quite certain about that.
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I’m sorry, what do you mean?
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I’m not certain they can choose how they are. I believe there is something missing inside of them, that ability to connect with others. Empathy, compassion seem to be totally absent.
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That is very true- they lack empathy & compassion.
I believe they can choose who they are because if you watch them around different people, you will see narcissists behave differently. Growing up, I remember my mother screaming at me like a raging lunatic one moment, then when the phone rang, she turned into a pleasant, calm person when she answered it. It was like a switch was turned off. I’ve seen similar behavior with other narcissists. They behave one way with their victim & another with someone they want to impress. They have control over their behavior, This tells me they choose to behave well or poorly, depending on who they are with & what they may get from their behavior.
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I gottcha!
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