Are You Considering Going No Contact?

There is a lot of information out there about going no contact, but not a lot of it is good, in depth information.  It isn’t always helpful for those who are seriously considering going no contact with their narcissistic parent.  The purpose of this post is to provide a deeper look at things to consider when going no contact.

 

No contact is a very serious decision, & never should be entered into lightly.  Never, ever initiate it unless you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s the right thing for you to do.  Never initiate it during the heat of the moment such as during an argument.  Only initiate it after a great deal of serious prayer & consideration.

 

No contact also is a permanent decision.  If you resume contact with a narcissist, chances are excellent that this person’s behavior will be a LOT worse than it was before you started no contact.  If you let that person suck you back into a relationship or if you are the one who initiates contact again is not important.   The important thing is you’re back.   The narcissist will start out behaving with you to test the waters, but that won’t last long.  They see you as being weak with weak boundaries (easy prey in other words), since you allowed this relationship to be reconciled.   Also, since you set that boundary of no contact, you must be punished for that as well.  This is why no contact must be a permanent decision!  Once ties are severed, accept no communication from the narcissist at all.  Block all emails, phone numbers, social media accounts.. any access that person can use to contact you.  If they find ways around it, block that access too.  You may need to change your email address, phone number or name on your social media accounts.

 

No contact isn’t easy.  You lose people you never expected to lose from your life, even family members.  That is incredibly painful, but it’s very common.  It seems to me that the majority of people would rather side blindly with the narcissist than stand up for what’s right.  Maybe they’re afraid of facing the narcissist’s wrath if they side with you.  Maybe they think it’s easier to get you to change than the narcissist & they’re just looking for an easy way out of this situation.  Or, maybe they’d rather think of you as bad, wrong, crazy, etc. than admit to themselves that you were abused & they didn’t protect or help you.  Whatever their “logic”, it’s still going to hurt you a LOT when they abandon you in favor of your abuser.  On the good side though, you do find out who your real friends are.  Those who stand by your side even if they don’t understand the situation are your real friends.  Those who don’t judge you or tell you that you need to “forgive & forget” are your real friends.  Those who refuse to give your abuser the time of day are also your real friends.

 

Your emotions are going to go haywire for a while.  I believe this is because your mind is finally free from constantly having to think about the narcissist.  They seem to take up all the room in any relationship, leaving no room for you or even for you to think about things other than them.  You are to find ways to appease & please them, avoid their wrath, anticipate all  of their needs & wants, prop up their ego at all times & more.   Then, once you realize how messed up all of this is, you need to find ways to stop providing them with narcissistic supply, battle their gaslighting so you can keep your sanity & avoid them as much as possible.  Any relationship with a narcissist is a LOT of work!  Once that is done, it’s like your brain finally realizes it’s free of that, & decides now is the time to start dealing with that stuff it couldn’t deal with when in the relationship with the narcissist.  All kinds of memories come to the surface & with them, a ton of emotions.  Even when memories aren’t popping up, your emotions can go haywire because finally you can feel instead of only focusing on the narcissist.

 

If anyone tells you that no contact is taking the easy way out, don’t listen to them.  No contact is usually the necessary step to take, but that doesn’t make anything about it easy!

Advertisements

4 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

4 responses to “Are You Considering Going No Contact?

  1. Amy Leeanne

    Thank you, Cynthia! For every word. Reminders are validating & help keep us on track. Because this journey can feel like an uphill one.

    Going no contact has been the single hardest experience of my life. Hard but absolutely necessary. Would not wish this situation on any one, but at the same time, NO ONE, including myself, deserves or is supposed to accept (any type of) abuse from people JUST because they are related to them.

    Have finally come to realize, they (& their behavior) made the “no contact” necessary, not me. I tried for 45 years to “make things right.” Then by the grace of God I finally realized: It isn’t me that is the problem!🙏👊

    Thank you again,
    Amy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Amy!

      I totally understand! No contact is incredibly hard in so many ways! That’s what I wanted to warn people about since so many websites make it sound like it’s easy & once it’s done, you’ll be fine. Not the case! It’s a hard decision to make but that is really the easiest part- after the decision is made, it gets harder for a while. It’s worth it in the long run, but for a while, it’s going to be incredibly difficult!

      Thank God for showing you that you weren’t the problem! Thinking you are is a terrible burden to live with!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. My no contact came from taking action toward divorce, but the demise of the marriage didn’t end it. For 12 years the monster stalked me. So, even if a person decides on “no contact” it doesn’t mean there will be no contact.

    Like

    • That is entirely true, unfortunately. I ended contact with a narcissistic cousin of mine in 2013 & her most recent harassment was this past October, when my father was dying. Normal people take a relationship ending much better. Sure, they may be angry or hurt, but they don’t harass & stalk a person. Narcissists have no problem harassing or stalking.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s