Psychology fascinates me. I like to understand what makes people tick & why they do the things they do, which explains my interest in true crime. I’m this way even with narcissists. While I never can agree with their abuse of course, I am still curious what makes them do the things they do. Besides, I’ve learned understanding them to a degree helps me to keep a healthy perspective about who is really the abuser, & who is the victim. A lifetime of gaslighting still can make it hard sometimes to remember who the real victim & abuser are. (For the record, I don’t think anyone can fully understand a narcissist except for another narcissist, so I know I’ll never entirely “get” them.)
I would guess I’m not the only person who is interested in understanding how people think, so I’m sharing this in case anyone else may find this as interesting as I did.
God showed me something quite interesting just before my father died last October.
As I mentioned before, he was in the hospital for 20 days on life support. In that time, I had people (some I didn’t even know) contacting me to tell me that I needed to see him before he died, “so he could die in peace.” “After all, you only get one set of parents!” “You need to put your feelings aside.” & the classic, “I understand why you won’t see him, but you need to go see him.” (How does that even make sense?!) Yep, I heard a LOT of crap. My phone also rang, sometimes for 20+ rings at a time or there were frequent repeated calls back from people I didn’t even know, but who knew my parents. Thank God for caller ID! I didn’t know the number but at least I knew the names, so I knew not to take those calls. It was a very painful time.. not only because of losing my father but also because of the constant bullying & harassment from so many people, even total strangers.
A few days before my father died, I was thinking about the entire situation. It made me cry, as it did a lot at that time. In my sadness I asked God, “Why do things have to be this way?! This whole thing is so stupid & so wrong!” Very clearly, I heard His voice… “Some people have made very bad decisions.”
It struck me.. that makes so much sense. I knew exactly what He meant by that simple sentence!
Narcissists decide to act as they do. They decided early in their lives that they were more important than other people & entitled to whatever they want. They decided to shut down the natural empathy that people are born with & focus only on their wants, needs, etc. instead of caring about others. They also decided they are allowed to use & abuse people to get what they want.
Flying monkeys also made a decision to be blindly loyal to their narcissist no matter what. They decided they didn’t want to know anything beyond what the narcissist says about a situation. They also decide to harass, stalk, shame & basically torture a victim if that’s what a narcissist wants of them (& often it is). All flying monkeys have decided that a narcissist’s victim does NOT matter, only the narcissist & flying monkey matter.
Bad decisions like these are why people are abusive. They have chosen to put themselves first & to disregard & even abuse other people. This means the responsibility of their actions is completely on them. No one forced anyone to make the decisions they made. No one forces them to continue making bad decisions or to continue the dysfunctional course they’re on.
These bad decisions also open the door for Satan to enter their lives, & close it for God to enter. Every bad decision opens the door wider for the devil while closes it tighter to God. I firmly believe that narcissism isn’t necessarily something biologically wrong with a person, but is demonic in nature. 2 Timothy 2:25-26 says, “He must correct those who are in opposition with courtesy and gentleness in the hope that God may grant that they will repent and be led to the knowledge of the truth [accurately understanding and welcoming it], 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” (AMP) The day my father died, a dear friend of mine received a vision from God about his salvation. God reminded her of this verse at that time. He said that is why my father behaved as he did- he had been taken captive by the devil to do his will. Not long after he died, I thought about that Scripture & how it related to the bad decisions God told me about. It makes a great deal of sense!
One thing many people fail to realize though is everything a person decides to do sows a seed, good or bad. Galatians 6:7 says, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (KJV) A person who abuses other people will NOT reap a harvest of love & kindness. It’s only natural! You can’t plant corn & expect to get an apple tree!
And, everyone has a point where they’ve had enough. When they walk away, that is because the abuser is reaping their harvest. I know, abusers & flying monkeys see this very differently, but it’s true. No one who walks away is trying to punish or hurt the narcissist (we all realize that’s impossible anyway- narcissists don’t feel the way normal people feel). We decide to walk away to protect ourselves & to stop the constant abuse. It is a perfectly normal thing to do. It is the natural harvest a person reaps after deciding to sow seeds of abuse in another person’s life.