Not only do narcissists want to silence their victims, but their flying monkeys want to do so as well. This post will explain some of the ways they accomplish that.
Flying monkeys use some of the same topics as narcissists. Personally, I believe that is because many of them are also narcissists, frequently covert. I say this because it’s obvious that they gain something from being flying monkeys, & I think that something is narcissistic supply. Often, they get to look like a good person, just trying to help, which is something that is extremely attractive to covert narcissists. They’re also very manipulative, which describes all narcissists. If they can get you to do what they want, they’re also obviously thrilled about that, & I think that is because it’s narcissistic supply. Any time a narcissist can control another person, it makes them feel powerful, which gives them narcissistic supply.
One thing flying monkeys do to silence victims is invalidate them. They have complete disregard for the victim’s pain, & have no trouble letting victims know that. Invalidation quickly shuts a person down. A frequently invalidated person feels like no one would want to hear anything they say because they are wrong, stupid or even crazy.
Another thing flying monkeys do is shaming their victims. They do their best to make victims feel ashamed of themselves for being upset that the narcissist abused them. They remind the victim that this is the only mother they’ll ever have, or remind the victim that her parents are elderly & won’t be around much longer. If the victim has gone no contact with the narcissist in their life, there will be shaming for that too. Flying monkeys may say things like, “After all that person did for you…” “That kind of behavior isn’t honoring your mother or father! If you’re a Christian like you claim to be, you would…” “The Bible said God hates divorce.. you should work things out with him!” If they can make you feel enough shame, you will suffer in silence, not confronting the narcissist or discussing the abuse she put you through with anyone.
Flying monkeys are also good with gaslighting. They will let you know that they don’t believe you. Things couldn’t have happened that way or they didn’t happen at all. They accuse you of lying or at the very least exaggerating. Anyone who they can make doubt themselves enough won’t confront the narcissist or reveal the abuse. Why would they if they are unsure of what really happened?
Triangulation is another common toll flying monkeys use. They will recruit the services of other flying monkeys to gang up on you. If you stop speaking to one flying monkey, then a friend or relative of that one may contact you with the same messages as the original flying monkey. The goal is to have as many people as possible give you the same message so you will do their will. This even can apply to silencing victims.
Flying monkeys also love bullying, & can do it in many ways. I think the most common is to call, text & email a person constantly in an attempt to wear them down so they do the flying monkey’s bidding. One of my father’s flying monkeys & I were once on friendly terms. She eventually got mad & stopped speaking to me. I later blocked her on Facebook in case she had any thoughts of wanting to contact me. When she couldn’t reach me there, she emailed me & also used her dead mother’s Facebook to send me a message. Others have called my home, letting the phone ring for several minutes straight or called back many times in a short period of time or both. One of my mother’s flying monkeys once called my home three times in a row, letting the phone ring between 20 & 30 times each time she called. My phone rang almost non stop for 5 minutes straight! If a person can be worn down like this, then certainly that person can be forced to do anything the flying monkey wants, which is why they find this weapon so effective.
Flying monkeys also experience a narcissistic rage, because as I mentioned earlier, I believe they are also narcissists. The rage of an overt narcissist is different than a covert one, one is very loud & abrasive while the other is quieter & slyly manipulative, but the end result is the same- no one wants to be on the receiving end of any narcissistic rage. If a flying monkey finds out that you have confronted their narcissist or damaged their reputation by telling others of the abuse you have endured, rage will come upon you & it will be ugly. The hope is the rage will be ugly enough to stop you from doing what you did ever again. I’ve been on the receiving end of narcissistic rage of two flying monkeys for things other than them wanting to shut me up, but I can tell you, the rage is definitely enough to make you want to do anything to avoid it in the future! I was fortunate enough that they weren’t in my presence when it happened, they both sent me emails, so I didn’t have to read what was said. Unfortunately though, my email provider lists mail so you not only see who the mail is from & the subject line, but a little of the content of the email. The little I saw was very painful. One flying monkey attacked me for being “a bad Christian” & the other told me what a terrible daughter I am. Not nice stuff.
Smear campaigns are an extremely common tool of narcissists & their flying monkeys. If nothing they have done to silence you works, the smear campaign is their last resort. They will talk trash about you to every single person they talk to, from their best friend to their hairdresser. Everyone they meet will know what a terrible person you are, even if they have to make up wild accusations to make that happen. Smear campaigns serve two purposes. One is simple revenge. You made the flying monkey’s narcissist look bad, so the flying monkey wants to make you look bad. The other purpose is to discredit you, so if you tell anyone the flying monkey knows about the narcissist’s abusive ways, you won’t be believed.
Just remember, Dear Reader, you don’t have to be silenced. You have every right to speak about whatever you want & to confront whoever you feel needs confronting. Don’t let anyone stop you!