Another Weapon In The Narcissistic Arsenal

One weapon narcissists use is to tell their victims “I know you better than you know yourself.”  While it may sound rather innocuous, that phrase, especially when said by a parent to a child, can be devastating to the self esteem.

My mother said this to me my entire childhood.  I ended up feeling like I was stupid (how can a person not know themselves after all?!) & like I had to look to her to know what I liked & didn’t like, my opinions on things, what I should & shouldn’t do.  I was so insecure, & partly because of that stupid phrase!  Even now, in my mid 40’s, I have issues sometimes with figuring out what I really like & don’t like.

Have you heard this insidious phrase from your narcissistic parent too?  If so, you’re not alone!

The key to letting go of the insecurity caused by hearing this phrase is to pay attention to yourself.  Get to know you.  The real you, the person God made you to be & not the person your narcissistic parent tried to make you into.  Notice how you truly feel about everything.

Chances are, when you first start to do this, you’ll feel some guilt, like you’re going against your narcissistic parent’s wishes.  That is normal.  Just remind yourself that you are allowed to be an individual.  God created you to be an individual.  You were made to be you, not some cheap imitation of you & certainly not some lump of clay molded by a narcissistic parent only concerned with their wishes.

As you begin to know yourself, your narcissistic parent will disapprove.  Don’t let that disapproval discourage you. The disapproval doesn’t mean you’re wrong or a bad person at all!  It means the narcissist is disappointed in you for not continuing to allow her to control you.  If your narcissistic parent attempts to make you feel bad, wrong, guilty or ashamed because you’ve changed, pretend you don’t notice.  Ignore the comments!  You do what is best for you, NOT the narcissist!

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7 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

7 responses to “Another Weapon In The Narcissistic Arsenal

  1. Its powerful the way they warp our reality. I am still learning to trust what I feel and know inside. Thank you for posting this.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh my goodness. “I know you better than you know yourself.” Yes! My momster used to say this. So did an abusive ex.

    Is there a “How To Be A Narcissist” handbook that they all read and take lessons from? I know there isn’t really such a thing, but it sure seems like it!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is very insightful…. in nurturing my 12 year old through c-ptsd, one of the issues is that he cannot respond to personal questions, and even dissociates. His dad use to make the statement to me as well,”I know you better than you know yourself”. I began to doubt myself…I can only imagine how this contributes to growth and development.
    Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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