One weapon narcissists use is to tell their victims “I know you better than you know yourself.” While it may sound rather innocuous, that phrase, especially when said by a parent to a child, can be devastating to the self esteem.
My mother said this to me my entire childhood. I ended up feeling like I was stupid (how can a person not know themselves after all?!) & like I had to look to her to know what I liked & didn’t like, my opinions on things, what I should & shouldn’t do. I was so insecure, & partly because of that stupid phrase! Even now, in my mid 40’s, I have issues sometimes with figuring out what I really like & don’t like.
Have you heard this insidious phrase from your narcissistic parent too? If so, you’re not alone!
The key to letting go of the insecurity caused by hearing this phrase is to pay attention to yourself. Get to know you. The real you, the person God made you to be & not the person your narcissistic parent tried to make you into. Notice how you truly feel about everything.
Chances are, when you first start to do this, you’ll feel some guilt, like you’re going against your narcissistic parent’s wishes. That is normal. Just remind yourself that you are allowed to be an individual. God created you to be an individual. You were made to be you, not some cheap imitation of you & certainly not some lump of clay molded by a narcissistic parent only concerned with their wishes.
As you begin to know yourself, your narcissistic parent will disapprove. Don’t let that disapproval discourage you. The disapproval doesn’t mean you’re wrong or a bad person at all! It means the narcissist is disappointed in you for not continuing to allow her to control you. If your narcissistic parent attempts to make you feel bad, wrong, guilty or ashamed because you’ve changed, pretend you don’t notice. Ignore the comments! You do what is best for you, NOT the narcissist!
Its powerful the way they warp our reality. I am still learning to trust what I feel and know inside. Thank you for posting this.
LikeLiked by 2 people
It really is powerful. It’s incredible how one person can do so much damage!
The more you see what you feel & know is right, the more you’ll learn to trust yourself. It takes time but it’s very doable. ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
It is with help and insight from others to assist us. ❤
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh my goodness. “I know you better than you know yourself.” Yes! My momster used to say this. So did an abusive ex.
Is there a “How To Be A Narcissist” handbook that they all read and take lessons from? I know there isn’t really such a thing, but it sure seems like it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It really does seem like there’s a handbook doesn’t it?! It never fails to amaze me how similarly they all act. Gender, culture, religion, financial standing.. nothing makes a difference. A narcissist is a narcissist.
LikeLiked by 2 people
This is very insightful…. in nurturing my 12 year old through c-ptsd, one of the issues is that he cannot respond to personal questions, and even dissociates. His dad use to make the statement to me as well,”I know you better than you know yourself”. I began to doubt myself…I can only imagine how this contributes to growth and development.
Thank you for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much!
I’m sorry your ex told this to you & your son. It’s incredible how damaging it is.
Your son is blessed to have you helping this through C-PTSD
LikeLiked by 2 people