Ways Narcissists & Flying Monkeys Try To Hurt Victims After No Contact

Sometimes narcissists & their flying monkeys can be incredibly devious, even after you are no contact with them.  One way they like to mess with their victims  after no contact is initiated is to use very subtle ways to let victims know they can’t stop the narcissist or flying monkey from contacting them.  In fact, they remind me of Glenn Close’s character in the 1987 movie “Fatal Attraction.”  Do you remember the movie?  In it, she had an affair with Michael Douglas who was married to someone else.  He tried to break off the affair & she pretty much went crazy.  She showed up at his & his wife’s apartment in one scene.  He confronted her later at her apartment, & said she had to leave him alone.  She said she wouldn’t be ignored, then, “What am I supposed to do?  You won’t take my calls & you changed your number!”  Seems oddly familiar to me…


As I’ve said before, I believe most flying monkeys are also narcissists, so for convenience sake, I’ll refer to them & narcissists as narcissists in this post.


Some narcissists send cards for special days like birthdays, anniversaries or holidays even after no contact.  No doubt they hope to ruin your special day.  It also is impossible to avoid receiving things in the mail, so it’s their subtle way to tell you that you can’t ignore them.  If they want to contact you, they can, & you can’t prevent them from doing it.  Sure, you can mark the envelope, “return to sender”, but the fact is even if you do that, they know you’ve seen their mail which will make them quite happy.  In this situation, I save the unopened envelope for documentation in case I need it for any reason.


There are also those who reach out to you from phone numbers or other accounts that you haven’t blocked or will create new accounts or get a new number.  This is just one more subtle way for these abusive narcissists to show you that you can’t tell them what to do- if they want to contact you, they will do so.  Block this access as well!  Let them know by your actions that you will NOT respond to them, period.  If they are very persistent, you’ll probably end up feeling like you’re trying to plug holes in a sinking boat.  I’ve been there & can tell you that is an awful feeling.  But, keep plugging the holes!  Don’t give in & talk to them!  Remember, you’re no contact for good reason!


When these narcissists are able to get through to you, they may act like nothing is wrong, like you never initiated no contact in the first place.  Their tone will be light & happy.  They may call you “sweetheart” or other nicknames, even if they never used the nickname with you before.  They may off non-apologies such as “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings last time we spoke.  I was just upset.”  Or, they may make excuses for their behavior.  Don’t be fooled!!  Nice nicknames don’t mean they have changed, & neither do lame excuses & non-apologies.  If at all possible, don’t read their messages.  You may want to save them for documentation in case you decide to look into pressing charges against them for harassment, however.


Narcissists often like to use the phone as a weapon.  Granted, you can block their number, but they still can use other phones to call you or block their number when calling.  If at all possible, don’t answer your phone unless you have no doubt who is calling you.  You also may wish to stop using voicemail.  I don’t use it at all on my home or cell phone because I don’t even want to hear the voice of a narcissist calling.  Hearing that person’s voice can be triggering & upsetting, & this is an easy way to avoid that.


Another typical tactic narcissists use when calling is to let the phone ring & ring.  One flying monkey of my mother’s let my home phone ring for about five minutes straight one evening.  Or, they may call back many times in a short window of time.  Or both.  These tactics can be incredibly frustrating.  I always felt like I wanted to pick up the phone & verbally rip these people apart for this ridiculous behavior.  That also would’ve been the absolute worst possible thing to do.  Instead, let the phone ring & ignore it.  Shut off the ringer if it helps you.  Whatever you do, do NOT take that call!  A person who employs these tactics is basically a bully, trying to force you to do what they want, which is take their call.  If you give in, they will know this tactic works & do it again & again.  They also will see that they have the ability to pressure you into doing what they want, so they will do other things to attempt to force you to do their bidding.


Never, ever give narcissists what they want.  The more you deprive them of their precious narcissistic supply, the better your chances they will leave you alone at some point.


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

16 responses to “Ways Narcissists & Flying Monkeys Try To Hurt Victims After No Contact

  1. ibikenyc

    “When these narcissists are able to get through to you, they may act like nothing is wrong. . . ”

    Another blogger I follow describes this as “Pressing The Reset Button.”

    If you’re not wise to it, you end up feeling like you’re living in Groundhog Day. It’s like Gaslighting For Dummies: They get a huge return for virtually no effort or thought.

    The closer I get to FINALLY moving out on my own, the more I’ve begun to think about these kinds of things: How do I forward the little bit of snail mail I still get without giving anything away? When do I change my phone number and email address? Should I listen to the voice mails and read the messages?

    Hadn’t thought of saving, as evidence, what gets through. I hope I never need to use it, but thank you for that tip.

    Liked by 1 person

    • “Pressing the reset button.” Now that is good! I wish I’d thought of that! That’s exactly it! So is feeling like you’re living in “Groundhog Day” & them getting a huge return for no effort.

      Regarding snail mail, a change of address at the post office should work- mail may take a little longer but it’ll get to you without going to your previous address.

      Changing your number & email asap after moving out sounds like your best move.

      Chances are listening to voicemails & reading messages isn’t going to be good for you. I wouldn’t do it if I were you.

      Yep, saving stuff for evidence is a good idea. You never know if you’ll need it. If you don’t, you can get rid of it, but if you need it, you’ll have it handy. & save as much as you can on a cloud storage or email things to yourself. That way if your phone or computer die, you won’t lose anything. I have stuff saved both ways going back several years, thank you family of mine.

      Liked by 2 people

      • ibikenyc

        My understanding was / is that those who have the old address can get the new one from the PO.

        I actually have this part figured out: Mail Boxes, Etc., will forward your mail to you from your box WITHOUT giving that information out to anyone. I found an MBE location in a town he’d THINK I’d moved to and will have them send my stuff to my actual address in a place four hours away.

        If I ever do want to go pick it up in person, it’s a pleasant, easy drive over good roads and a nice place to visit in its own right.

        The rest of it? This will probably be what pushes me to finally get the external hard drive that I SHOULD have had years ago for backup.

        (I already do have a pile of CDs onto which I’ve copied those of his abusive rants that I’ve recorded. They are also all in Google Drive, but that’s getting full-ish.)

        And, ya know what? It NEVER OCCURRED TO ME to DUH simply change my number.

        Good. Grief.

        (Yes, they gave me a license to drive; LOL!)

        Liked by 1 person

        • That is awesome about Mail Boxes, etc.! Now that is a great solution!

          Just my $.02 worth here, but I find online storage much more reliable than external hard drives. I currently have 2 dead external hard drives that I can’t throw out on the unlikely chance someone can help me get my pictures off of them. The stupid things gave no warning- they just died. After the last one, I went to dropbox.com so my files are safely stored online. It’s $10/month for 1 tb of space, so it’s quite reasonable. If you opt to go with them, please let me know- if I refer you, I get extra storage space. 🙂

          LOL It’s ok… we all have those brain farts sometimes. (They’re a way of life for me..lol) Now you can change your number when the time comes.

          Liked by 2 people

          • ibikenyc

            (Oh, MAN. I just lost my whole reply to you. FIE!)

            I’m really sorry your external drives failed. What a lousy feeling. I wouldn’t have considered that and appreciate your mentioning it.

            You should DEFINITELY talk to some tech geeks about retrieving your photos. A mechanical failure does not (necessarily) equal a data failure.

            Think of it as, like, even if your faucet were to break, the water would still be there. You’d just have to find another way to get it to you.

            I would be DELIGHTED to arrange my online storage in a way that benefits you! 🙂

            Not quite ready to do that yet. I do still have some room on Google Drive. I’m just always brainstorming about stuff to do to prepare to move.

            Every day I pray / affirm to do what I can with what I have NOW to manifest the changes I seek.

            My intention is to have in place everything that I can that makes sense before I go, and a list of SPECIFIC things for as much as possible of the rest.

            Hence the Mail Boxes, Etc.

            I’ve also been shopping around for a smart phone. I’m a HUGE Nokia fan and am hoping they’ll come out with a big winner by the time I move.

            Thanks for making me feel like less of an idiot; LOL!


            • You’re welcome! External hard drives failing never occurred to me until it happened to me. Then I thought it’d be easy to get my files back since it’d happened once before & I was able to get them back. Yea, not the last 2 times, which is where dropbox came into my life.. I may see if an out of state friend can get them back for me. We’ve known each other since kindergarten & he probably wouldn’t mind trying.

              That’s smart, thinking of things that can help you move when you’re ready. Best to be as prepared as humanly possible so things go smoothly!

              I didn’t even realize Nokia made smartphones! I thought they were gone! Dang… my carrier doesn’t offer them. The nerve! Loved my old Nokia phones- you could pretty much run them over with a car & they’d survive.. lol

              LOL! You’re far from an idiot my friend. 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

              • ibikenyc

                Ahh! Another Nokia fan!

                My first Nokia was a 5165 back in the day. I just loved the aesthetics of it and, especially, all the accessories! Ooh-Aah! I got a white pearl faceplate and pink crystal keypad and felt like a star.

                I kept that until I saw a co-worker with a 3220 and its flashing lights. Got the white-pearl / pink-crystal combo for that one, too.

                Now I have an X2, essentially a Blackberry clone.

                They do wear like iron, don’t they? I also just love the GUI.

                I have pay-as-you-go service through TMobile. They no longer offer my specific plan, but those of us who already had it when it was discontinued were grandfathered in. I don’t spend a hundred dollars a YEAR on cell service.

                The Nokia 6 is a newly-out smartphone that seems to be about $229 everywhere and is compatible with TMobile. I’ve been hesitating, though, partially because of the money but mostly because I generally endeavour to avoid alpha versions of electronics. Especially with the changes that have gone on at Nokia, I’m gonna wait.

                (And, I don’t NEED a new phone right now anyway!)

                I am hoping I can just transfer my SIM card to whatever TMobile-compatible smartphone I eventually get and then change the number on that SIM card, because I haven’t yet found a better deal ANYwhere.


                • Nokia did have some cool accessories, didn’t they?! Your phones sounds so cute all blinged out! My favorite ringtone was on my old Nokia. I think it was called Whirlybird.

                  Sounds like you got a great deal through TMobile! Don’t blame you for not wanting to lose that.

                  Yikes… that’s a lot for a phone but if this new Nokia is like the old ones, it’ll be money well spent since you’ll have it indefinitely. Hopefully that’s how it’ll be anyway.

                  Liked by 1 person

  2. I get it about hearing the voices of our abusers. I can handle texts or emails or snail mail. After all, it’s just the same stuff they’ve been spewing for decades. And after over two years of NC I’ve reached the place in my healing where I’m largely indifferent to that same old emotionally abusive, accusatory stuff. But the voices are a greater challenge, and it’s why I won’t listen to voice mails. Maybe the time will come when even that won’t bother me, but I’m not there yet.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Appalachian Inbred Hillbilly-My Story

    I did the opposite. I called and called to hear his voice just for him and his new girlie-friend to be nasty to me. The “no contact” cost me my home, everything I owned and around two thousand dollars in damages to my vehicle and cash stolen.


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