Some very naive people think that being a Christian means some pretty awful things. One of those awful things is that as a Christian, you are to tolerate any & all abuse because calling people out on it is “un-Christian” or unloving. These ingenuous people actually think that removing yourself from an abuser’s life isn’t Godly behavior, especially if that abuser is a parent. It’s much better to allow that person to abuse you indefinitely! After all, the Bible says you should honor your parents, & it’s honorable to tolerate anything they dish out!
Hahaha. No.
I am certainly not claiming to have all the answers to all things Christian. I am well aware that I don’t. But, I have been a Christian for 22 years now & have learned a few things.
Being a Christian doesn’t mean you are better than other people or that you’re perfect. Far from it. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need Jesus. And, just because we have Him in our lives & hearts doesn’t mean we’re perfect. No matter how perfect an artist may be, if the canvas is flawed, even the greatest artist can’t paint a perfect picture on a flawed canvas.
Another important thing I have learned is that being a Christian also means we need to love God’s way, which is very different from loving people’s way. God’s love wants what is best, not what is easiest. Confronting abusers is best because it encourages them to make appropriate changes in their behavior. Granted with narcissists, the chances of them making positive changes is very slim. However, it is not your place to force them to change. It is your place to encourage them to change, which is much different than forcing someone to change.
But it’s certainly NOT easy! Tolerating bad behavior & even abuse is much easier than standing up to someone about their behavior. As painful as tolerating abuse is, at least you won’t lose your friends & family so long as you tolerate it. Once you stand up to an abuser, chances are excellent that you will lose people you love. They will call you unreasonable, unloving, cruel, abusive, a bad son/daughter/friend/etc. & yes, even attack your faith by saying you aren’t a real Christian or are a bad one. People who stand up to abusers find out quickly who really loves them & who doesn’t.
I believe many people, Christian or not, have misinterpreted the Bible when it comes to love. Yes, love is patient & kind & other wonderful things. However, love also must be tough sometimes. God proves that! He doesn’t let His people get away with any old kind of behavior. He lets us suffer consequences of bad actions or be blessed with good actions. As His children, we are supposed to behave like God- Matthew 5:48 “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.” (KJV)
Dear Reader, if your faith has been judged & criticized because you have removed an abuser from your life, you are most certainly not alone. Many people have been, including me. When this happens, I try to remember Matthew 5:11-12: “Blessed [morally courageous and spiritually alive with life-joy in God’s goodness] are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil things against you because of [your association with] Me. 12 Be glad and exceedingly joyful, for your reward in heaven is great [absolutely inexhaustible]; for in this same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” (AMP) As painful as it is when people side with your abuser over you, & even shame you for no longer tolerating abuse, it can bring comfort when you remember God is all too aware of what is being said to & about you. He will reward you one day! Those who said such cruel things however?? Well, let’s just say I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes…
2 Thessalonians 1:8 “dealing out [full and complete] vengeance to those who do not [seek to] know God and to those who ignore and refuse to obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus [by choosing not to respond to Him].” (AMP)
Romans 12:19 “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for God’s wrath [and His judicial righteousness]; for it is written [in Scripture], “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.” (AMP)
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 
Yes,and many times,N parents or ppl want to argue.By removing yourself from their life,you have effectively ended the argument,and given both of you peace 🙂
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Excellent point!! 🙂
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This is very timely for me and mine. I am strict NC with my NM and her enablers but she won’t give up trying to hurt me through others. Her most recent malice was directed toward my daughter who is going through a very painful time. And my NM has used that by siding with the person who is hurting my girl. And that hurts me and my husband and sons. They just don’t give up. My husband and I are also going through a rough patch with his emergency eye surgery so this is just adding to our misery. But I know that God is still watching over us, and that my mother will pay a heavy price for what she’s done if she doesn’t repent. I take no joy in that, but it does help to know that God sees every pain she puts on us and He is not happy with her.
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That is just disgusting of her. And to add insult to injury, no doubt her flying monkeys don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m so sorry you & your family are going through this, Suzanne.
God definitely is watching over you & knows your pain. For your mother’s sake, I hope she repents. I’ve been praying for my mother, asking God to burden her heart with the knowledge she needs Him & to protect her from any evil influences including demonic. Not sure if it’s working since we haven’t spoken in over 2 years, but I hope so. I’ll be praying the same for your mom.
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Thank you, Cynthia. There’s so much more going on now than I’ve written about in this post, but it’s not all bad. I’ll probably post about it on your FB page sometime today.
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Anytime.. I’d love to hear what’s going on. ❤
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