Shock After Dealing With Narcissists & Their Flying Monkeys

Sometimes, narcissists &/or their flying monkeys go above & beyond in their abuse.  They behave so outrageously or abuse a victim so often, a victim can’t cope.  When this happens, it can thrust a victim into a state of shock.

I spent much of my late teens in shock due to the daily abuse from my mother, & it also happened during the last few months of my father’s life in 2017.

Being no contact with my parents never seemed to bother anyone until my father’s health started to decline.  Once that happened, I was contacted by relatives (some I knew, some I did not), strangers (two police officers, my father’s barber, my parents’ neighbors) & acquaintances.  Every single person had the same message- they shamed me for not having a relationship with my parents, commanded me to talk to them, to say goodbye to my father “so he could die in peace,” telling me I needed to forgive & forget, they’re the only parents I’ll ever have, I should go to them because “if I was a parent, I’d understand” how me staying away made him feel, & other similar,  ludicrous statements.

The final twenty days of my father’s life while he was in the hospital were the worst.  They included an excessive amount of abuse for me.  Daily, I would receive a barrage of these cruel, heartless, shame/guilt inducing type messages & people I don’t even know telling me what they thought I should do with no interest in me.   Since they kept finding ways around the blocks I’d put in place to send me messages, there truly was no escape.  I ended up trying to save all messages without reading them for evidence in case I ever needed it, but even so, I couldn’t avoid seeing a small portion of the messages due to how email & social media messages are set up.  I don’t use voicemail so I didn’t have to hear anyone’s voice at least.

The end result of all of this for me was shock.

Today it’s a little over 11 months since he passed away & I still feel some degree of shock.

Has this sort of thing happened to you too, Dear Reader?  Have you ended up in a state of shock due to the sheer volume of or intensity of the abuse from the narcissist or flying monkeys in your life?  If so, I have learned some things about this state that I believe can help you.

Don’t judge your feelings.  Even if they seem strange to you, they’re there for a reason.  Just accept that they have a purpose & don’t ignore them.  You’ll figure out their purpose.

Don’t try to push yourself to get over this shock.  It happened for a reason & that reason is because you’ve been subjected to some very serious trauma.  The shock is protecting your mind from feeling all of the emotions at once.  Let it do its job!  It will diminish in time, as you’re more able to face the trauma(s).

If you start to feel overwhelmed, imagine yourself putting some emotions or traumatic incidents in boxes on a shelf.  Deal with what you can however works best for you, & when you feel you have handled that, take that box off the shelf & deal with its contents.  Once you’ve dealt with that, take down another box if you have a few on a shelf.  If you can handle one thing at a time, it’ll be easier than trying to deal with multiple traumas at once.  I think trying to face too many things at once is much like plate spinning!  

Take good care of yourself.  It can be hard to eat or not to eat too much when you’re upset.  Try to maintain your normal eating habits as much as you can.  If you’re one who doesn’t want to eat, make sure you take daily vitamins to help you get daily nutrients.  You need to be healthy physically to handle emotional traumas.

Try to get as much rest as possible.  Emotional healing is hard work & you will be exhausted!

Take it easy when you can.  Sometimes time spent just staring at a good movie or sitting in the park watching people can be very restorative.

Spend time with your pets if you have them.  Animals are amazing.  They not only understand when their human is suffering but they know just what to do to help.  Let your furbaby help you!

Talk to safe & supportive friends or loved ones.  Write in your journal on those times you don’t feel like talking.  Both of these things can help the shock dissipate by making the situations seem more real.

Avoid people who don’t “get it,” but especially at this time.  They can make you feel even worse than you already do.  This state of shock can make you feel super sensitive.  Even if you normally can brush off someone’s lack of support & understanding, if you’re in that super sensitive place, you can’t.  In fact, their words &/or actions may send you into a downward spiral of depression.

Most of all, cling to God.  Your faith is what will help you more than anything to get through this awful time.  When I was going through this trauma last year, I know there is no way I could’ve survived without God’s constant gentle, understanding & loving presence in my life.  He helped me to maintain my sanity, not reach out to these abusive jerks & tell them off or seek revenge & to do exactly what His will was, which worked out beautifully in the end.  He can & will do the same thing for you.

 

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10 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

10 responses to “Shock After Dealing With Narcissists & Their Flying Monkeys

  1. Unfortunately, there are still too many people who don’t get it and try to impose their beliefs on us.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I just realized after reading this that what I went through, after a horrendous episode of abuse by my CNM and both of my sisters, was shock. It lasted for about 6 months and it was brutal. I hardly left the house, just sat in a chair and cried out to God. They had demonstrated in a way I couldn’t deny that they didn’t love me, and that shocked me to the core. It was before the last straw moment that motivated me to go NC, but after that 6 months the way I related to them was never the same because I finally knew the truth. I believe that is why God allowed this painful episode. He and I spent most of those 6 months in closer fellowship than ever before, and that is how I managed to come out the other side stronger and better able to deal with my abusive mother and her enablers. As you said, shock does have its purpose.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. (Raises hand). Yep, been there, still there, we should get t-shirts.

    And the truly sad thing is I’m discovering at least two of my kids are there too. We all show signs of PTSD. I didn’t know that was a thing with dealing with a narcissist until I had my first panic attack.

    Everything you said here about how to cope is spot on. I found that when I started focusing on self-care, even to the simplest level like making sure I brushed my teeth and made my bed and washed my face every morning, I began to remember who I am again and separate that from who I’ve been told I am by the narcs in my life.

    The hardest part is the self-doubt… it STILL happens, even though I can see my children reacting in the same way I am. But I still get fleeting thoughts of, “Am I making a big deal out of nothing here? Is this really happening?” Especially when my narc husband functions for a few days in an area of strength and I get a glimpse of the man I married; surely he’s not all that bad…. oh, but wait for that other shoe to drop….

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL yes, we should get T shirts!

      I’m sorry you & your kids are suffering as you are. It’s so painful!

      Yes, those gestures, small as they may be, are very good self care. Amazing how helpful such things can be isn’t it?

      Ohhh yes. I really think that may be the worst part about narcissists- how they can be good too. If they were bad 100% of the time, it would be so much easier. We’d have no doubt they’re bad. But, when they can behave well or even be kind, it really makes you doubt your feelings & perceptions.

      Liked by 2 people

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