Sometimes, narcissists &/or their flying monkeys go above & beyond in their abuse. They behave so outrageously or abuse a victim so often, a victim can’t cope. When this happens, it can thrust a victim into a state of shock.
I spent much of my late teens in shock due to the daily abuse from my mother, & it also happened during the last few months of my father’s life in 2017.
Being no contact with my parents never seemed to bother anyone until my father’s health started to decline. Once that happened, I was contacted by relatives (some I knew, some I did not), strangers (two police officers, my father’s barber, my parents’ neighbors) & acquaintances. Every single person had the same message- they shamed me for not having a relationship with my parents, commanded me to talk to them, to say goodbye to my father “so he could die in peace,” telling me I needed to forgive & forget, they’re the only parents I’ll ever have, I should go to them because “if I was a parent, I’d understand” how me staying away made him feel, & other similar, ludicrous statements.
The final twenty days of my father’s life while he was in the hospital were the worst. They included an excessive amount of abuse for me. Daily, I would receive a barrage of these cruel, heartless, shame/guilt inducing type messages & people I don’t even know telling me what they thought I should do with no interest in me. Since they kept finding ways around the blocks I’d put in place to send me messages, there truly was no escape. I ended up trying to save all messages without reading them for evidence in case I ever needed it, but even so, I couldn’t avoid seeing a small portion of the messages due to how email & social media messages are set up. I don’t use voicemail so I didn’t have to hear anyone’s voice at least.
The end result of all of this for me was shock.
Today it’s a little over 11 months since he passed away & I still feel some degree of shock.
Has this sort of thing happened to you too, Dear Reader? Have you ended up in a state of shock due to the sheer volume of or intensity of the abuse from the narcissist or flying monkeys in your life? If so, I have learned some things about this state that I believe can help you.
Don’t judge your feelings. Even if they seem strange to you, they’re there for a reason. Just accept that they have a purpose & don’t ignore them. You’ll figure out their purpose.
Don’t try to push yourself to get over this shock. It happened for a reason & that reason is because you’ve been subjected to some very serious trauma. The shock is protecting your mind from feeling all of the emotions at once. Let it do its job! It will diminish in time, as you’re more able to face the trauma(s).
If you start to feel overwhelmed, imagine yourself putting some emotions or traumatic incidents in boxes on a shelf. Deal with what you can however works best for you, & when you feel you have handled that, take that box off the shelf & deal with its contents. Once you’ve dealt with that, take down another box if you have a few on a shelf. If you can handle one thing at a time, it’ll be easier than trying to deal with multiple traumas at once. I think trying to face too many things at once is much like plate spinning!
Take good care of yourself. It can be hard to eat or not to eat too much when you’re upset. Try to maintain your normal eating habits as much as you can. If you’re one who doesn’t want to eat, make sure you take daily vitamins to help you get daily nutrients. You need to be healthy physically to handle emotional traumas.
Try to get as much rest as possible. Emotional healing is hard work & you will be exhausted!
Take it easy when you can. Sometimes time spent just staring at a good movie or sitting in the park watching people can be very restorative.
Spend time with your pets if you have them. Animals are amazing. They not only understand when their human is suffering but they know just what to do to help. Let your furbaby help you!
Talk to safe & supportive friends or loved ones. Write in your journal on those times you don’t feel like talking. Both of these things can help the shock dissipate by making the situations seem more real.
Avoid people who don’t “get it,” but especially at this time. They can make you feel even worse than you already do. This state of shock can make you feel super sensitive. Even if you normally can brush off someone’s lack of support & understanding, if you’re in that super sensitive place, you can’t. In fact, their words &/or actions may send you into a downward spiral of depression.
Most of all, cling to God. Your faith is what will help you more than anything to get through this awful time. When I was going through this trauma last year, I know there is no way I could’ve survived without God’s constant gentle, understanding & loving presence in my life. He helped me to maintain my sanity, not reach out to these abusive jerks & tell them off or seek revenge & to do exactly what His will was, which worked out beautifully in the end. He can & will do the same thing for you.