How Narcissists Use Cars To Abuse

Narcissists will use anything at their disposal to abuse & control their victims, & that even includes cars.

If a victim has hurt a narcissist somehow or even simply set boundaries with the narcissist, the narcissist may drive like a maniac in an attempt to scare the victim.  After I broke off the engagement with my now ex husband, we went somewhere together & he was driving very erratically.  It terrified me & I asked him to stop it.  He said it was my fault he drove that way, because after I broke up with him, he didn’t care if he lived or died.

Cars are also an excellent place for a narcissist to have complete control over their victims.  The victim has no means of escaping the narcissist’s car, so there is no choice but to tolerate whatever is done in that car.  In my late teens when my mother’s abuse was at its worst, she refused to let me get my license & a car.  Naturally, this meant she took me to & from school & work.  Each ride was sheer hell for me because she screamed & raged at me the entire ride.  I had no way of escaping either since I needed to get to my destinations, so there was no choice but to tolerate it.

Narcissists also often want to be the driver because this means their victim/passenger only can go where the narcissist wants to go & on her time schedule, not the victim’s.   If they want to go somewhere with their victim, they will tell the victim what time they will pick him or her up, or tell the victim to come to the narcissist’s home so the narcissist can drive them to their destination.  It’s all about control, & all victims know, narcissists love to have control over their victim in every possible way.

There are also some narcissists who don’t drive.  This is most prevalent with covert narcissists rather than overt.  They may play the naive & innocent role, claiming it is just too hard to drive.  Since overt narcissists usually avoid appearing in a way that can look weak somehow, they usually drive.  Again, this is all about control.  If a narcissist can’t or won’t drive, this forces the narcissist’s victims to take care of her by either taking her places or doing things for her.

I’m certainly not saying that everyone who is a bad driver, who prefers to be the one driving or doesn’t drive is a narcissist, of course.  Some people are simply more daring behind the wheel than others.  There are also many people who develop serious anxiety behind the wheel, & they realize they shouldn’t be behind the wheel.  There are others who love driving or who feel safest when they are driving.  These people obviously aren’t narcissists, & you can tell they aren’t narcissists by their behavior.  The daring driver is daring all of the time, not only after someone has upset him somehow.  The anxious person asks for rides &/or offers gas money rather than expects others to help.  The person who prefers being the driver never gets upset when someone says they want to drive or meet them somewhere.

If you have recently met someone, & think the person may be a narcissist, this is one way to help you to figure it out.  Watch how the person is when it comes to driving.


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Narcissism

8 responses to “How Narcissists Use Cars To Abuse

  1. Val

    This is so true. For a year I didn’t hv my license, n my mom controlled The whole show. 85 yr old woman. I finally started to use uber, n I got bitched at for that too. And if I walked, that was even worse. It was a living hell.

    Valerie Landis, A.A.S., C.P.S.

    Sent from my iPad



  2. Oh boy. You’ve nailed it again, Cynthia. I could tell you all kinds of car related narcissist horror stories!

    Your insight into these things is simply amazing. Seriously. I have so many car related narcissist horror stories, but I never put the car part together with the typical narcissist control issues before. I simply thought of these things as horrible events that just happened to take place in or around a car. But after reading this — Bingo!

    I am so thankful that I am no longer living with, or being driven by, any narcissists!


    • I should’ve known you’d have experience in this area too! Lucky, lucky you… NOT!

      Thank you so much! I appreciate that! My perspective on stuff has always been a bit skewed compared to the average person & now I feel like it’s an advantage when it comes to NPD.

      Amazing how they can use cars to manipulate, isn’t it? They really do though. They’ll use anything & everything to do their will though so I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise cars can be used too

      Liked by 1 person

  3. ibikenyc

    Somehow I managed to escape this particular flavor of abuse, but it’s very easy to imagine.

    Double coupons for them: You’re captive, AND you’re terrified because of how they’re driving.

    They just can’t stop themselves, can they?


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