What To Expect From Yourself After Going No Contact

Going no contact with a narcissist is an incredibly challenging thing to go through.  As if the agonizing over whether or not to do it wasn’t enough, there is also the likelihood of the narcissist refusing to accept your boundary, & making your life miserable.

Once the narcissist has gotten bored with trying to lure a victim back into the relationship, the victim is left to move on with their life.  Although in a way that life is so much simpler without the constant influx of narcissistic abuse, that doesn’t mean all the victim’s problems are over.

After severing ties with my parents,  I had more nightmares & flashbacks than usual for quite some time.  I believe this is because when there is a narcissist in your life, that person basically takes up all the room in the relationship.  You’re so focused on keeping them happy & avoiding their abuse that you have little time to think of anything else.  When the narcissist is out of your life, your brain finally has time to think of other things.  Since it constantly processes everything in life, it naturally wants to make sense of what happened with the narcissist.  It tries to make sense out of the nonsensical.  When it happened to me, I realized this was going to happen, like it or not, so I tried to make it work in my favor.  I coped with whatever came up as it came up.  It ended up being a time of quite a bit of healing for me.

After experiencing stalking & harassment, even after it stops, you still may experience a feeling like, “What’s next?”  When your day is filled with constant messages that you don’t want, it can really shake you up!  Plus, with many narcissists, they stop but start up again, which puts a person in a state of being on high alert.  Even if the narcissist hasn’t contacted you in months, that doesn’t mean he or she won’t start up again.  How can you relax knowing that is possible?  The best you can do is block all access the narcissist has to you, & save all evidence in case you need it to pursue legal charges against him or her.

Even if the narcissist in your life hasn’t stalked or harassed you, he or she may still send you Christmas or birthday cards as a way of attempting to keep their foot in the door with you.  These little reminders can be surprisingly upsetting to a victim.  They can make you start to wonder if you made the right decision by going no contact, make you feel guilty for not spending this holiday with the narcissist & bring up a plethora of conflicting, confusing feelings.  Unfortunately this is very normal.  When it happens, I urge you not to make any rash decisions.  Just because the narcissist sent it to you & expects you to read it doesn’t mean you have to read it.  Put it aside & pray.  If you then believe in your heart you need to read it, & have no doubts, then read it.  Otherwise, it is most likely best not to read it.  You can throw it out, return it to the sender or even save it if you feel you want to read it in the future.  Also, just because it is a special day, doesn’t mean the narcissist has changed.  The narcissist is simply using an opportunity to attempt to hoover you back into the relationship.

Even if the narcissist doesn’t try to contact you, doubts after no contact are very normal.  Ending a relationship is always hard.  Never forget what made you decide to go no contact.  Writing it out can help tremendously.

Remember, if you are considering going no contact with a narcissist or have recently done so, don’t expect no contact to mean your problems are over.  Yes, many of them will be, but there are some new ones that will come up.  You can get through them!  A bad day without a narcissist in your life is still better than any day with a narcissist in your life!

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6 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

6 responses to “What To Expect From Yourself After Going No Contact

  1. ibikenyc

    HUBboy. The Never-Ending Story.

    Thank you so much for this post at this time. I am at a point where I find myself naturally / spontaneously going towards this and then away from it. However, I am entirely glad I know about it, because the more I know, the more and better I can protect myself.

    The insights I’m gaining from preparing myself for all the fallout are helping me tremendously while I’m still stuck here. All the emotional and spiritual growth I’ve been forced into by these circumstances has taught me countless valuable lessons I needed to learn anyway and, as weird as it sounds even to me, I love and respect myself so much more now that I have.

    “A bad day without a narcissist in your life is still better than any day with a narcissist in your life!”

    I already know you are SO right, and I look forward to how broadly I’ll be smiling when I’m living it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re welcome!

      Yeppers! The more you learn, the better!

      Amazing that you’ve learned to love & respect yourself so much! That is wonderful & NOT an easy feat with a narcissist living under the same roof!

      LOL Yes, in spite of whatever happens – nightmares, flashbacks, etc. – it’s a wonderful thing when there isn’t a narcissist in the picture! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  2. The annual Christmas and birthday cards. That’s what my mother did, long after I went no contact. And yes, like you said: “…just because it is a special day, doesn’t mean the narcissist has changed.” I found that out the hard way last year, when one of her birthday cards convinced me to call her, because maybe she had changed.

    Worst phone call ever.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ugh.. that’s my mother too. Dreading my birthday in April- it’ll be another mushy card with an ice cold message about how she wants to talk to me. Which, mind you, I won’t open.

      Worst phone call ever for sure. 😦 Well, it was a learning experience for you at least. A painful one but still a learning experience.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s good that you aren’t going to read the birthday card. I have sworn off reading any more cards or letters from my momster.

        One thing I learned from our last phone conversation is that my mother was absolutely right when she told me, more than half a century ago, that the older people get, the more like themselves they become! I was a little girl when she said that. I think she was talking about her grandmother at the time. It stuck in my mind because I thought it was such a weird thing for her to say. But it is true!

        Liked by 1 person

        • There is no point in reading the card. I know (basically) what it will involve & I want no parts of it. Sounds cold, I know, but I’ve learned to protect myself from these toxic people.

          Much as it pains me to say this.. your mother was right. The older people get, the more like themselves they become. Hopefully it’s a good thing. Often it is. But with narcissists? It’s a sign it’s time to run like the wind!

          Liked by 2 people

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