How To Prevent A Narcissist From Wanting To Resume The Relationship With You

Severing ties with a narcissist is never easy.  Not only due to the simple fact that ending any relationship is hard, but also because of the fact they don’t exactly handle this well.  While no one likes to have someone end a relationship with them, it can become devastating to a narcissist.  They will do about anything to get their victim to return to the relationship, often only so they can later discard their victim on their terms.  This article will help you to avoid behaviors that can encourage a narcissist to want you back.

Naturally, do your best to avoid any interaction whatsoever with the narcissist after no contact.  Narcissists don’t think like normal people, obviously, so they are prone to taking any interaction after no contact as a sign the relationship has been resumed.  Take away their hope in that area if at all possible.

Sometimes even when doing your best to avoid a narcissist, they find ways to interject themselves into your life.  One way they do this is by stalking & harassing their victims.  They inundate victims with constant phone calls, text messages, social media messages & even postal mail.  Or, they may show up places they know you frequent such as your favorite coffee shop.  This can be incredibly unnerving.  I’ve been on the receiving end of such behavior from two narcissists in my life, & I found it terrifying.  I also learned that narcissists often know stalking & harassment laws well, so they stay just barely legal.  This means getting a restraining order is very difficult, if not impossible.  The most effective ways I know how to handle such behavior are never to respond to anything they send you & to block the narcissist at every pass.  Granted, he or she probably will find ways around your blocks, such as creating new email addresses or social media accounts, but block them too.  Keep blocking.  If they have flying monkeys who tell you to talk to them, block them too.  Do NOT engage either the narcissist or the flying monkey at all.  Ever!

If you can’t avoid the narcissist completely, always remember the Gray Rock method.  In other words, provide zero narcissistic supply.  You know this person well, so naturally you know what makes him or her happy.  Deprive this person of it.  Provide no praise, no complements, no offers to do things for him or her.  Also share absolutely no personal information about yourself.  If she asks what you’re doing later, say you have plans & leave it at that.  How is your job going?  “Fine.”  One or two word answers are the best.

Show no emotions to this person.  You aren’t happy, sad, angry… anything.  You are completely neutral in his or her presence.  Emotions feed narcissists.  If you’re happy, they can destroy it so you’re as miserable as they are.  If they make you sad or angry, they feel powerful, so they’ll do that thing again to get their “high”.  Deprive them of that feeding.

Show no remorse for anything you have done, including no contact.  If you show you feel any sadness, guilt, or regrets, the narcissist will pounce on you like a hungry lion.

Do not give in to anything the narcissist tries to make you do.  I don’t care if it’s something silly like passing them the salt shaker over lunch, don’t do it if it can be avoided.  If not, do it perfunctorily.

By doing these things, you are essentially making yourself very unattractive to the narcissist in your life.  They want people who will prop up their egos, blindly obey them & make them the center of their world.  People who refuse to do such things are of no use to a narcissist, so a narcissist will leave them alone.

13 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

13 responses to “How To Prevent A Narcissist From Wanting To Resume The Relationship With You

  1. ibikenyc

    What a shame that we have to deny our Selves even after we’re gone by continuing to keep our loving tendencies / traits under total lock and key.

    In a way, I feel like I’m lying all the time. That feels sinful. So does the horrible waste of creativity and energy.

    Even now, after all the HORRIBLE things he’s said and done to me and CONTINUES to say and do, I struggle mightily with “How can I abandon a sick old man?”

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s ridiculous isn’t it? We shouldn’t have to hide any part of ourselves.

      I’m sure it does feel that way! You aren’t being sinful.. you’re protecting yourself. What outlets do you have for your creativity & energy?

      Isn’t that an awful way to feel?! I felt that same exact way with my parents. It’s a terrible feeling! One thing I realized though is they were reaping what they’ve sown. Whatever a person does, they have consequences of their behavior, good or bad. It was the natural order of things for me to remove myself from my parents’ lives after their lifetime of abusing me. Thinking of that helped me & I hope it helps you too. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      • ibikenyc

        Thank you so much for all of this.

        I can’t swear I’d ever thought of it in exactly that way (I mean the reap-what-you-sow), as ridiculous as that might seem. Not seriously, anyway.

        Fortunately, I’m aware of the stuff I mentioned, and I’ve been talking with my therapist about it.

        You and everyone here are also TREMENDOUSLY helpful and comforting. Thank you so much for EVERYTHING 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

        • You’re so welcome! ❤

          I understand.. I became a Christian in 1996. I've read the Bible entirely through. Yet, in 2015 is when the reaping & sowing thing came to me. Not the time of feeling terribly smart, I can tell you.. lol

          Good that you're aware of those things & have a therapist to talk to!

          I'm so glad to hear that. Big hugs to you!

          Liked by 1 person

          • ibikenyc

            A big part of why I didn’t Get It about that is all those folks ready to rush in and tell me about how I should turn the other cheek and blah blah blah, like I shouldn’t be thinking of getting even.

            Thank you for the hugs 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

  2. This was very timely for me – thank you! I can’t go no contact, but I can apply a lot of these principles. This very morning I got a little bit of good news about a medical bill and my first instinct was to text my husband about it. I mean, he will need to know about it eventually, but I realized I can’t keep reporting to him the second I find things out. It’s a habit I need to break – he can’t be my “person” any more. So this blog confirmed that to me!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Congratulations on the good news on the medical bill!! Anything good when it comes to medical bills is a positive thing!

      Wow.. thank you so much for sharing that! I’m so glad this confirmed that for you!

      By the way.. I love your name on here.. that is so cute & cool! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • ibikenyc

      OMG, do I hear you about “he can’t be my ‘person’ any more.”

      I don’t know if you feel this same way, but over time I’ve come to be grateful and happy when I realize that stuff like this is “just” a habit: That means I can take steps to fix it, right now, as I am.

      Good for you about that bill, and I also think your name is very cute and cool!

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Yes, that is where I am right now. Cutting off the supply.

    Liked by 1 person

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