Personality Traits That Narcissists Don’t Like

I recently read an amazing article entitled “11 Signs Your Personality Is So Intense That It’s Intimidating To Others“.  Later on, I thought about the article & realized that many other victims of narcissistic abuse share many if not all of these qualities.  It’s no wonder narcissists have issues with us!  It’s also proof that we are some pretty amazing people, in my opinion!

#1 in the article is “you’re honest to a fault.”  And what a fault honesty is to narcissists!  They want victims to be willing to lie to & for them, to pretend they’re perfect & to protect their reputation.

#2, “You’re a problem solver, not one to wallow.”  This is another big no no to narcissists, because that means a person like this won’t tolerate abuse indefinitely.

#3, “You aren’t afraid of intimacy.”  Many people when they hear the word intimacy think sex, but actually it can be much more beyond sex.  Two people who are open with each other, & love, trust & respect each other can have a very intimate relationship with or without sex.  If this is something you want, chances are excellent you’ll see behind the narcissist’s mask before he or she is ready for that to happen, which means you won’t be a good victim.

#4, “You’re intense in all that you do.”  Intense people don’t settle for things that aren’t intense.  They want passion & deep relationships.  They don’t want superficial anything, which is yet one more problem for narcissists.  They do want superficial relationships.  Deeper would mean they might actually have to do some self reflection, which is one of their biggest fears.  Even narcissists don’t want to see what’s truly behind their masks.

#5, “You ask a lot of questions.”  Narcissists demand blind trust from their victims.  That doesn’t come from someone who asks lots of questions.  They will trust, but they want to know beyond a doubt they can trust before doing so.

#6, “You refuse to waste your time waiting around for others.”  Narcissists MUST be in control of victims, & that even includes when they spend time with people.  My mother is perpetually late, unless it’s with someone she wants to impress.  Being late is her way of forcing someone to wait on her, so basically she’s in control of that person even if only for a short time.

#7, “You’re like a human lie detector.”  Definitely a very, very big turn off for any narcissist.  They want to be able to lie to their victims & get away with it indefinitely.  Someone who won’t put up with lying is going to call them out on their actions, & we all know narcissists don’t tolerate that well.

#8, “You’re incredibly open minded.”  Another problem as far as narcissists are concerned.  If you’re open minded, you might *gasp* think for yourself at some point.  No victim of any narcissist is allowed to do that!  It’s an unpardonable sin to them.  Narcissists want their victims to think however the narcissist wants them to think, period.  Independent thought may lead to victims realizing that this abuse they’re enduring is wrong, & figure out a way to escape it.

#9, “You always have a clear picture of what you want.”  Another problem according to narcissists.  If you know what you want, you also have a good sense of boundaries & you know what you aren’t willing to tolerate.  This means you may be too tough to manipulate & control for a narcissist.

#10, “You’re a creature of habit.”  Another no no for narcissists.  Victims need to be pliable so their narcissist can control them.  If you have & like your routine, you won’t be open to a lot of change, which is a sign you’re not pliable.  This simply will not work for a narcissist!

#11, “You have no interest in shallow relationships.”  Narcissists love shallow relationships because they aren’t demanding & don’t require much of them.  People who like deeper relationships come across as highly demanding & unreasonable to narcissists.  How dare you expect the narcissist to care about your feelings, thoughts, family, job, etc?  That means the spotlight would be off the narcissist, & we know that narcissists can’t handle that.

If you share any of the qualities on this list, then enjoy them knowing that they make you unattractive to narcissists, so enjoy these qualities & wear them proudly!


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

16 responses to “Personality Traits That Narcissists Don’t Like

  1. ibikenyc

    Sounds a LOT like INFJ traits!


  2. I just have to tell you this, Cynthia. I follow close to 200 blogs. When I am scrolling through my WP reader, looking for new posts to read, I look at the various titles of different posts and think “No.. No… Not now, but I will read that one later… No… Later… Later… No…” But when I see that you have a new post in the lineup, I almost always read it immediately. Like 99% of the time.

    I just thought you ought to know that. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow… yes, I do like knowing that. Thank you so very much! I’m so flattered!

      Actually, I follow very few blogs & read even less. Not sure why. Anyway, yours is the only one I read each time it shows up in my email. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

      • Aww, thank you! That means a lot!

        By the way, I don’t understand the comments above about the INFJ personality. According to an online test that I have taken, INFJ is my personality type. The INFJ traits that I have read about online are not evil, by any means. So I am a little confused..


        • Oh, wait… you weren’t saying that the INFJ personality is a narcissist, were you? You were saying that INFJ has personality traits that the narcissist does not like. Right?

          Duh. Please excuse me. When I left that dumb comment earlier, I was still feeling pretty shaken by a tornado warning we had here a few hours ago. First, the tornado warning siren went off. Then my cell phone received an emergency alert text that said: Imminent Extreme Alert Tornado Warning in this area take shelter now

          The storm is now over and we are okay, but that was unnerving!!!!!


          • Not at all! Although any type can be a narcissist I think. There are some awful INFJs out there (Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, etc) but I don’t think we’ve cornered that market..

            Oh wow! Thank God you’re ok! That had to be terribly unnerving! & your comment wasn’t dumb at all. You were looking to understand it better. 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • Hitler and Osama? Augh. I can’t even wrap my head around the idea that I have the same personality type as those two. They murdered how many people???

              One day, many years ago, I made the split second decision to place my car — with me in it — between a stopped school bus and a big speeding semi truck. The truck was just seconds away from crashing into the school bus. I had a fast choice to make: drive my little sedan off the road where I probably wouldn’t get hit, or stop behind the bus and pray that when the truck plowed into me, my car would soften the impact on the bus and the children wouldn’t be killed or hurt too badly.

              I can’t envision Osama or Hitler making a decision like that!


              • I know.. isn’t that lovely we share their personality type?? Apparently unhealthy INFJs can be very wicked & dark from what I’ve read. I know I have a dark side myself but apparently some take that natural darkness to the nth degree, like Hitler & Bin Laden.

                I also read Oprah Winfrey is an unhealthy INFJ once.. I don’t think she’s that evil, but I really don’t like the woman. She was starting out in Baltimore when I was a kid & in all these years, I’ve heard nothing good about her. :/

                WOW! No, I can’t imagine any of them making a decision like you did either! That was incredibly brave of you!

                Liked by 1 person

  3. So you are a one percenter, too? Oh my. No wonder I relate to your writing so strongly!

    But here’s the thing: I read a lot of books, especially psychology and self-help books, as well as memoirs. And I remember reading somewhere that the people who put together the Myers Briggs test, and marketed it so successfully to schools and businesses, had No Scientific Training. They were office workers and salespeople, if I remember correctly, not doctors or psychologists.

    Unfortunately, I can’t remember where I read that. And it was so long ago, I also don’t know for sure if I am quoting it exactly right. Hoping to find out where I read that, I just now googled “how scientific are Myers Briggs tests?” Here is just one of many articles that came up:

    So — today with our 80 mph wind gusts and sustained winds of around 55 mph… I just took my dogs out to potty and we all three could barely walk out there… on top of our tornado warning scare last night… I am going to stop worrying about Hitler, Osama bin Laden, and Myers Briggs.

    You see, growing up as the scapegoat, forever being told how Wrong and Crazy and Bad and just Not Ok I supposedly am… after taking a quick and free online test that says I am a rare INFJ, and then reading here that two of the worst human beings that ever lived were supposedly the same personality type — my wounded inner child cried O.M.Gee my momster was right, I am a nothing but a big mistake she made and should be thrown out with the rest of the garbage.

    Yeah, NO.

    Anyway, about the school bus and speeding semi incident: I had heard in the news, maybe a year before it happened, about a car with two elderly people inside being crushed between a speeding semi truck and a stopped school bus. The elderly couple were instantly killed, but no children on the bus were killed or even hurt very badly. The speculation was that if the car hadn’t been there, the children on the bus would have been killed, instead.

    I was traveling between Ellsworth and Machias, Maine, on a narrow two lane highway that had no shoulders at the time, just a ditch and then thick forest on both sides, in a very rural part of the drive — no houses, nothing. This was a long, winding, hilly highway with very little traffic. I was flying along, with a big semi tractor trailer truck just a couple of seconds behind me. I was driving faster than the speed limit, faster than I was comfortable with, to keep from being run over by the tail-gating truck. We had been driving like this for quite a few miles, as there were no safe passing zones in that area back then, and nowhere for me to pull over so the truck could pass me.

    I come around a sharp downhill corner and there, in the middle of the turn, at the lowest part of the hill, was a stopped school bus. No flashing lights were on it, the stop sign was not extended, and anyway, there were no houses or buildings around, so there was no apparent reason for a bus to stop there, in the middle of a blind curve!

    I couldn’t go around the bus in the left lane, because there were three oncoming vehicles, a pickup truck and two cars following close behind each other, that were driving past the bus in that moment. So my only option, to keep from being crushed between the bus and the speeding truck that was just two or three seconds away from flying around the corner behind me, was to drive my little Subaru off to the right, into the ditch.

    But in that instant of decision, I remembered the accident where an elderly couple in their car were crushed between a semi and a school bus, which saved the children’s lives.

    So I slammed on my brakes, barely being able to come to a complete stop before running into the bus. And I looked into the eyes of a terrified little boy who was staring out the back window of the emergency exit door, and I waited to die. There was no time for me to feel any fear.

    But guess what happened! The truck driver, when he came speeding around the corner behind me, also made a split second decision. He drove straight into the left lane, head-on toward the three oncoming vehicles. And all three of those vehicles immediately drove straight down into the ditch on their side of the highway. And nobody crashed! Everyone was okay!

    The school bus started up then and drove away. I will never know why it had stopped there in the first place.

    I do not consider myself special or saintly or particularly brave for what I did, because I believe that most human beings in my situation would have made the same decision that I made — to die at the age of 39, in order to save a bus full of children. But Hitler? Osama? Or any other malignant narcissist or sociopath? No way.

    So, no more Myers Briggs for me!


    • I’ve heard that too about the MBTI. I think it was a mother & daughter who read Carl Jung’s work who created it. Honestly, I don’t care who created it. It helped me finally understand I’m not the freak my mother & ex always said I was. It made me feel normal for the first time & I’m going with it.

      I do relate to your reaction about Hitler & Bin Laden. That was my knee jerk reaction too, to finding out about the INFJ thing. But, I also read there are some pretty amazing INFJs out there too! Carl Jung, Martin Luther King, Jr, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandella & even Tom Selleck (ok, no great humanitarian to my knowledge but a cool guy & good actor!). My personal favorite was Jesus though. I mean really.. how cool is that?! Thinking of these wonderful people sharing the same type helped me a lot! I hope it does you too! If not, I get it though… not everyone is a fan of the MBTI.

      That story is just amazing! WOW! Truly a miracle no crashes happened that day! Thank God for guiding you & everyone else to do what you did! This scenario could’ve ended so much worse!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Wow, I did not know about those awesome people being classified INFJ. Back when I read that it wasn’t scientific, I just disregarded the whole thing. But now… I don’t know!


        • Pretty cool eh? 🙂

          Just do what feels right! I know for me it’s right. It’s been so helpful! That doesn’t mean you need to feel the same way. If something doesn’t feel right to you, listen to that feeling.

          Are you in Pinterest? I have a board dedicated to Myers Briggs stuff, mostly INFJ & INTJ (hubby). I learned a lot on there. Might help you make a more informed decision on whether or not it’s for you. Just my $,02

          Liked by 1 person

  4. My child’s Mother is a narcissist (deeper term: Psychopath) she is a nightmare. Protecting my daughter from the hidden abuse is a daily battle. I provide support and services for anybody dealing with this unfortunate mental disorder. Keep raising awareness please and follow me as I raise noise for it to be heard and end the damage and violence it causes in families


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