Stop Beating Yourself Up For Making Mistakes

When you have survived narcissistic abuse, escaped it & began to heal, you will think a LOT.  You’ll think about the things you endured, & wonder how you survived.  You’ll also think about things you did while in the midst of the abuse or even after you first escaped it.  This can be extremely difficult, because chances are, you’ve done many things you aren’t proud of.

That is certainly something I’ve experienced.  When I look back at my young adult life, it’s just embarrassing.  I met my  ex husband just before I turned 17.  He was very pushy about getting me to date him, & proposed 3 months after we met.  I went along with whatever he wanted, against my mother’s demands, because I didn’t think any other guy would ever want me.  This desperation is so embarrassing now.  I didn’t even find him physically attractive- I just figured I should grab him since no one else would want me.  I sneaked around to be with him even knowing my mother most likely would find out & scream at me about it as she always did.  I later married him even though everything in me was saying it was a huge mistake & I shouldn’t marry him.

Looking back at that situation is embarrassing.  Humiliating, really.  I have a hard time believing now that I’m that same person.

Do you have a situation like that in your life, Dear Reader?  I’m guessing you do.  I think we all do.  I want to tell you today that you have nothing to be ashamed of!

Growing up with a narcissistic parent (or two), you learn a lot of terribly dysfunctional beliefs.  Those beliefs will play a part in the things you do until you learn that they are bad, & you replace them with healthy beliefs.  This means you’re going to do some things you aren’t necessarily proud of, like me getting involved with my ex husband.

When you remember those times, rather than shaming yourself, think about who you were at that time.  You were a dysfunctional, abused person.  Naturally you’d make bad choices.  How could you not if you didn’t know better?

It’s OK that you made mistakes.  We all do, especially when given such a horrible, dysfunctional start in life.  Forgive yourself!  Stop beating yourself up!  How could you expect to make wiser choices when you simply didn’t know any better?


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Narcissism

2 responses to “Stop Beating Yourself Up For Making Mistakes

  1. This is so true. I made my worst choices, committed my worst sins, right after I was physically abused so badly that it’s a miracle I did not die. After being knocked completely unconscious by someone I had loved and trusted, it’s probably inevitable that I made some extremely bad choices after that.

    I used to beat myself up something terrible because of the sinful things I did in my desperation to be loved. Sin is sin, and the fact that my worst sins happened after my ex husband got into hard drugs and went completely insane and almost murdered me, did not excuse my sins.

    But through my healing journey, I have learned to give myself a break. Would I have done what I did if my heart hadn’t been shattered and my brain scrambled by a concussion? No way. Not only do I know this is true, I also know that I have been forgiven and redeemed through my repentance and my acceptance of Jesus the Messiah as my Lord and Savior. Psalm 103 says: As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. That’s pretty far! A lot further than north from south would be!

    I hope you are doing well, Cynthia, through this trying time. If only New Mexico were a little closer to Maryland… 💘💘

    Liked by 1 person

    • So very true & so beautifully said! I agree with you. Sin is sin, but God forgives it all. I also think He’s a bit gentler on those of us who didn’t know better when we did things & we were acting out of our own wounds.

      Thank you so much. ❤ I really wish it was! I am blessed though. My favorite cousin & his girl came to MD this weekend from NC. We got a LOT of laughter & fun in this weekend. It was exhausting considering all I had going on at the same time, but it was good.

      Liked by 2 people

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