Those who are of the “But that’s your MOTHER!!! She wouldn’t hurt you!” mentality, please leave quietly now. This post is for those who are suffering through this day due to having a narcissistic mother. No doubt it will irritate you, & those for whom this post is written don’t want or need to hear any judgmental comments. Thank you.
Now that that’s out of the way….
For those of you with narcissistic mothers, I know this is one of the worst possible days of the year. For many weeks prior, the message of loving mothers is everywhere. “She’s your mother- she would do anything for you.” “She loves you more than life itself!” “Don’t forget to idolize your mother today!!” When your narcissistic mother has tried to kill you, either physically or mentally, there aren’t exactly a lot of warm feelings associated with Mother’s Day. How could there be?
Many people at least are sympathetic to our pain, even if they can’t understand it. God bless these people! Then there are the others. Those who say shaming things like, “But that’s your MOTHER!” Often these people are narcissists themselves, flying monkeys who help their narcissist abuse their victims. Others are people who have suffered abuse & refuse to acknowledge their pain. Their goal is to shut down anyone who faces their pain. Witnessing someone face their pain reminds them of their own & makes them feel cowardly for not facing theirs. Rather than make healthy choices, they opt to shut down healthy people instead.
Understanding things like this can help to take some of the pain out of their heartless comments, because it proves that the comments are about the dysfunction of the person saying these things. However, it’s still going to sting a bit, even knowing that.
Being raised by a narcissistic mother is painful. There are ways to cope, however.
I firmly believe it’s necessary to grieve. Grieve for the fact you didn’t have a good childhood. Grieve because your mother never has been or will be a loving mom. Grieve what you missed out on by your mother not being a healthy, functional mom. Grieving such things helps you to accept your situation & heal.
On Mother’s Day, if you have children, spend time with them when possible. Enjoy your family & celebrate this gift God has given you.
Don’t forget to acknowledge those wonderful women who were like mothers to you. I had a friend I called my adopted mom. She was about 20 years older than me, & a wonderful lady. Kris was nurturing, kind, loving, a natural mom & a devoted Christian. Unfortunately it wasn’t until after she died that I realized I should have celebrated her on Mother’s Day. Don’t make the same mistakes I did! If you have a wonderful mom figure in your life, wish her a happy Mother’s Day. Give her flowers or a card. Take her to lunch. Do something together to show her how much you appreciate her.
If you absolutely must deal with your narcissistic mother on Mother’s Day, before you see her, pray. Ask God to show you what you should do. He will help you to know the best ways to cope!
Don’t forget, you also have the right to set limits on your time spent with your mother. Don’t spend the entire day with her if you don’t want to. Set aside an hour or two for her & no more. If you know you’ll have trouble leaving when you want to, arrange something to do so you have to leave her at a certain time.
Take care of yourself on Mother’s Day & every day, Dear Reader. You deserve to be loved & cared for, especially by yourself. xoxo