About Victim Blaming

Victim blaming is a common phenomenon in society today.  The woman who was abused by her husband is to blame for not leaving him sooner.  The victim of rape is blamed for being drunk or high.  The victim of theft is blamed for not locking his door.

This awful phenomenon invalidates the pain of the victim.  It can make a victim feel as if she wouldn’t have done what she did, then the traumatic event wouldn’t have happened.  How could she possibly have the right to be upset?  It’s an absolutely awful thing to do to someone, making them feel this way!  No one deserves traumatic, terrible things to happen to them.  What victims do deserve is kindness, understanding & support.

Whether the person blaming the victim is the cause for the victim’s pain or not, blaming her also enables that person to distance himself from the victim & her pain.  If the victim is the cause of her own suffering, then he need not feel sorry for her or try to help her.  If the victim caused her own suffering, then the abuser need not feel bad for doing whatever it was he did to her.

Narcissists love victim blaming.  It serves them very well.  I lost track of how many times my mother told me I was the reason she “had” to abuse me.  She even called it “tough love” instead of what it really was, abuse.  She claimed if I didn’t do whatever it was I had done (or she thought I had done in most cases), she wouldn’t have been forced to scream at me, destroy my things, etc. etc.

If you have been on the receiving end of victim blaming, please do not allow that trash to get inside you!  You did NOT deserve what was done to you!  You are not to blame, the abuser is!  You have every right to be angry, hurt, & yes, even traumatized!  Don’t believe those fools who tell you that you deserved it.  Anyone who blames an innocent victim has serious emotional problems.

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12 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

12 responses to “About Victim Blaming

  1. This was such an important message for me to hear. This is how I have been controlled for so long by abusers and then my husband to defend his affairs and abuse himself. It’s a powerful tactic and understanding that it’s another form of abuse can be very hard for the victim can be difficult. It has been for me, but I am learning. Thank you for sharing this message.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s a very powerful tactic. I think because it creates shame. “You are 100% to blame for what that person did to you, you’re very deeply flawed/messed up!” What a message to give someone!

      Good to read you’re learning! You definitely aren’t to blame for whatever another person does to you! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  2. How have narcissistic abusers and their flying monkeys blamed me for being a victim of abuse? Let me count the ways…. never mind, I don’t have that much time!

    This is a really good article, Cynthia. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The narcissist will fight for the role of victim. Survivors like us have to do our best to not give any energy to the conflict and instead use our energy to take care of ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ibikenyc

    Gaslight / Project much?????

    Mr. Happy’s favourite version of this is, “I didn’t ________; she / they / you ASKED for it!”

    Liked by 1 person

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