Dealing With People Who Don’t Understand Why You Have No Contact With An Abusive Parent

Being no contact with a narcissistic parent is a heart wrenching, heart breaking, terrifying, liberating, peace bringing experience.  People who haven’t experienced this truly don’t get that it is not only incredibly difficult, but brings so many conflicting & painful emotions.  Thankfully, many people who don’t understand at least have enough empathy to realize it must be incredibly difficult being no contact with your own parent.

 

And then there are the other people.. *sigh*

 

Some people just can’t accept that a parent & their adult child don’t have a relationship.  No matter who ended it, they blame the adult child.  They say some of the most ridiculous, idiotic things imaginable trying to make that adult child feel guilty for not being in a relationship with her parent.

 

How do you deal with people like this?!

 

Unfortunately I have found no very successful ways to do so.  If you’re very lucky, telling that person this topic isn’t up for discussion with you will be respected.  They will drop the subject & you two won’t discuss it again.  That seldom is the case though & you will need to take much more drastic measures.

 

If you’re having a conversation with someone who you have told you don’t want to discuss the matter with & that person ignores you, change the subject.  Repeat as often as necessary.  Be rude about it if that is the only thing that gets their attention.  Tell them you are serious- this topic isn’t up for discussion, & if they continue, you are going to leave or hang up the phone, then follow through with your threat.

 

If you’re on social media, you can block this person from seeing certain posts of yours if you mention the topic of your parent.  You may end up needing to remove them from your friend’s list if they are persistent.  Worst case scenario is you can block them entirely so they see nothing you post nor can they contact you.  A quick google search can tell you how to do this if you are unsure.

 

If they call or text you, there are ways to block their numbers so they are unable to reach you.  There are numerous cell phone apps that can block numbers.  I use one that enables you to create a black list of numbers that can’t call you or a white list that enables only numbers on that list to contact you.  Personally I like the white list idea, because many people upon discovering a number has been blocked will try to reach you via other telephone numbers.

 

If someone emails you, block their email or change your email address, keeping the new one private.

 

I know these people are incredibly frustrating to deal with, Dear Reader, but you can do it!

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6 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

6 responses to “Dealing With People Who Don’t Understand Why You Have No Contact With An Abusive Parent

  1. ibikenyc

    Well, one benefit of getting older is that this just never comes up.

    I am scratching my head, though, about grown people who would persist about something like this to the extent they’d have to be blocked!

    I don’t doubt it, but I’m asking myself if they’d also keep asking you how much you earn or paid for your house, or if you dye your hair or have false teeth!

    (I love the white list idea myself!)

    Like

    • Something to look forward to at a certain age then.

      Pretty amazing isn’t it? I don’t understand it either. I mean, I get that they have issues & because of that are deeply offended by no contact. Even so though, what makes them think harassing & abusing someone because of their issues is ok?! How can anyone truly think that sort of behavior is fine but protecting yourself from your abusive parents is wrong? It just doesn’t computer in my mind.

      LOL! Well if this tells you anything.. my oldest & meanest sister in-law asked me how old I was on my 26th birthday & claimed she thought I was her age (she’s 21 years & 11 days older than me!!! Her son is 6 months older than me!!!). My mother in-law once got a new bathroom scale & told me to get on it in front of her (that didn’t happen!). When we got our home, this sister in-law brought the parents in-law over without asking if I had time or wanted company, barged in & she & the mother inspected my home & told me exactly what I needed to do to make this house up to their standards. (I have yet to do ONE thing they told me I “had” to do.). Just showing how incredibly pushy, rude & self centered some people can be. Some people are just messed up & insist on putting it on others.

      Liked by 1 person

      • ibikenyc

        It’s pretty hard to leave me speechless, but you have done it!

        Oh. You didn’t look forty-seven when you were twenty-six? Some people have all the luck!

        They sound very much like my ex-mother-in-law or, maybe worse, like they and she would have been synergistically-PERFECT.

        Like

        • LOL I should always put a disclaimer on stories about my in-laws.. “may render reader speechless”.

          Surprise surprise, no I didn’t look 47 when I was 26. Whoda thunk it, right?! My word.. lol & obviously there is no class in this person. Everyone with so much as an ounce of class knows you don’t ask a woman her age or weight. DUH.

          Ahhh.. so you had the “perfect” in-laws too eh? Poor us, not being so perfect & wonderful as they are.. how will we go on? lol

          Liked by 2 people

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