If you have survived narcissistic abuse, then you know how badly it can mess with your mind. One thing it does is it can skew a person’s perspective in all kinds of ways. It can leave a person feeling badly about themselves, such as believing they are ugly or stupid when nothing could be further from the truth. It also can make a person overly pessimistic, because he or she has had so many bad things happen to them. Or, it can turn a person overly optimistic, because either he or she has decided not to be so negative like the narcissist who abused them or he or she is trying so hard to distance from the abuse in every possible way.
In any case, neither being too pessimistic or optimistic is good. Pessimists are often depressed because they only see the bad things in life & expect only bad things to happen. Optimists are often depressed, too, because they constantly expect good things to happen. When something happens that isn’t so good, they are shocked & saddened.
Being realistic yet slightly optimistic seems to be the healthiest way to think, in my opinion anyway. You accept things as they are, whether good or bad, & if there is a way to glean good from it, you do it.
It can be tricky to get your thinking more balanced after being so out of balance for a long time, but it is still possible. It takes time, patience, understanding with yourself, focus & help from God.
Prayer truly is the best place to start. Ask God for whatever it is you need, such as helping you to be more aware of unhealthy thoughts so you can change them.
I recommend too, focusing on God. If your relationship with Him isn’t particularly close, then work on it. Drawing close to your Heavenly Father really helps to bring comfort, peace & joy.
Also try to focus on what you think about. Many times, people just think things & don’t even realize what they are thinking about. Slow your thoughts down & pay attention to the things that cross your mind. Acknowledge them & accept them without judgment.
Question those thoughts, too. Is it possible that your expectations of this person/situation are unrealistic? Ok, so this situation is pretty bad.. is there something good that you can take away from it?
If you tend to think too emotionally, then try to interject some logic into your thoughts. If you have trouble doing this, try imagining your situation not as yours, but as that of a friend who has come to you with this situation, looking for advice or comfort. How would you feel about it as an outsider? What would you think of your friend’s feelings? Thinking this way can help to detach you some emotionally so you can look at situations more objectively.
Although it may take some time, you can learn to have a healthier perspective on life. It will be well worth your time & energy when you are a happier & more peaceful person.