Narcissistic Friends

Many of us who have been raised by narcissistic parents seem to end up with many other narcissists in our lives.  We often end up romantically involved with them or friends with them.  Like many others, I have experienced both, mostly narcissistic friends.  I’ve also found precious little information available about narcissistic friendships, so I decided to tackle the topic myself.

People who come on too strong when first meeting you can be narcissists.  That new friend who you just met yet who wants to spend lots of time with you or claims you’re their best friend may be a narcissist.  Some folks who act in this way are simply insecure, but even so, you should be aware that there is a possible a sign of narcissism.

Friends who talk down to you are often narcissists.  Narcissists seem to think they are superior to their victims, & don’t mind showing it.  They act smug & talk to victims as if they are much less intelligent than the narcissist.

Your friend who can’t be bothered with your problems is probably a narcissist.  Remember, narcissists all lack empathy.  If you tell your friend you have a problem & they act bored, act as if they can’t be bothered, trivialize your problem or change the subject, these are all red flags of a lack of empathy.

If your friendship is one sided, that’s a big red flag of narcissism.  A good friendship is balanced.  Sure, sometimes your friend will need more from you than usual, but there are also times you will need more from your friend than usual.  It balances out.  When the bulk of your friendship is your friend taking from you while giving nothing in return, chances are your friend is a narcissist.

Narcissists expect their friends to be available to them 24/7, & believe there are no excuses for not being available.  Narcissistic friends have no problems calling at 11:00 at night even knowing you need to be up for work at 5 a.m.  If you don’t take their call, they say you’re a terrible friend, accuse you of not caring  & more. If they need a ride somewhere, that is what you are for, to provide it.  In fact, if they need anything, you are supposed to meet that need.

If your friend talks non stop about himself or herself, while never or almost never asking about you, that is another sign of narcissism.  Narcissists almost never stop talking about themselves.  Overt narcissists may brag about their fantastic accomplishments or covert ones may be subtle in discussing the things they do for others.  They may discuss their problems or interests non stop.

Once you realize your friend is a narcissist, it’s usually best to end the friendship if at all possible, as is often the solution with any narcissistic relationship.  Most often I believe the Gray Rock method is the best way to end a relationship with a narcissistic friend.  In other words, become boring to your friend.  Take their calls, spend time with them & do things for them less & less.  When they get mad at you, pretend it doesn’t bother you in the slightest.  Show them no reaction or emotion.  If they demand to know why you weren’t available, give no excuses.  Just say you were busy, & change the subject.  When they talk about themselves, act disinterested.  The more boring a narcissist finds a person, the less time they want to spend with that person.  Often, they get bored enough to discard their victim.

Having a narcissistic friend isn’t easy, but you can protect yourself & handle the situation!  Remember the kind of person you are dealing with, keep your emotions under control around them & conduct yourself accordingly.

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6 Comments

Filed under Mental Health, Narcissism

6 responses to “Narcissistic Friends

  1. Lifelessonswithlynny

    Wow thanks for anouther spot on article. This explains what happened to a friend I had. The relationship we such a whirlwind. She lost interest when I got shingles for a long time, she lost interest fast.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Once again, Cynthia, you nailed it.

    Before I knew anything about NPD, I got taken in a lot by these kinds of “friends.” The people who become your “instant best friend” almost as soon as you meet them, and then they are calling and needing and demanding things at all hours of the day and night. and getting very upset when you aren’t constantly at their beck and call, 24-7.

    Oh, and the superiority! One such instant best friend, when I finally said no to her about something she wanted, she retorted: “Do you want to know what your problem is?” Like she was going to make this great pronouncement from on high, that would forever categorize and label me and put me in a nice little box.

    When she said “Do you want to know what your problem is?”, I said “NO!” And then I turned around and left. She knew me and my insecurities that I had at the time well enough to know that I was desperate to find out what my problem was, so I could freaking fix whatever was wrong with me. But no, absolutely not, I did not want to hear her take on my “problem,” because by then I knew that she was going to say something abusive. And I already had enough verbal abuse in my life, thank you very much!

    One instant best friend invited herself over to my apartment the same day we met. She wanted to be shown all through the place, and I was happy to oblige, because it was a darling, quaint, farmhouse apartment, and I had furnished and decorated it with love.

    After she saw all the rooms, she got very upset. “This is all you have? Just two small bedrooms? Neither one of these bedrooms is big enough for all my stuff!”

    I was shocked, because I had no idea that she was hoping to move in with me! My “instant best friend” status immediately vanished and she was gone, looking for someone with a bigger apartment to sponge off of.

    The very sweet lady she moved in with, called me a few weeks later. “I never use the F word,” she said. “But last night I lost it and I was screaming at this user ‘Get The F*CK Out’, over and over again. She had completely taken over my home and my life!”

    Just say NO to Narcissists. 😁

    Like

    • aww, thank you! Again! lol

      Ugh.. I hear ya there. I got those “best friends” too. One I remember, told me I was going to be her new best friend as soon as we were introduced! She clung like a barnacle from day 1. So smothering! About a year or so after we met, she was pregnant. My then husband & I wanted a quiet evening at our apartment so we shut the ringers off on the phone & turned the volume down on the answering machine.. we eventually woke up to the answering machine clicking. The next morning we checked it. She & her husband (who was friends with my ex) called us until the wee hours because she needed a ride to the emergency room. The guilt trips they gave me (& only me!!) for not answering their calls. It was incredible! Call 911, yanno?! Not long after she needed a ride to get meds & told me if she walked, she’d lose the baby. I refused to give her a ride.. baby was born healthy. UGH!! Anyway…

      Anytime someone says “Do you know what your problem is”, it’s gonna be bad & not true. You were smart to tell her no & walk away!!

      Good thing your apartment was too small for that “best friend”! You never would’ve gotten rid of her if she’d moved in. That poor lady she moved in with.. omgosh.. @@

      Just say no to narcissists indeed!!

      Liked by 1 person

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