Comparing Your Situation To Others That Have Been Abused

I was talking with someone recently who obviously looks down on me for having C-PTSD.  It seems to me that she thinks I’m weak for having it & my childhood was much easier than hers.

The truth of the matter is we both had terrible childhoods, just in different ways.  While she was more physically abused, I was more mentally abused.  Both types of abuse are horrible, just different.  Physical abuse leaves scars people can see & often lifelong health or mobility issues.  Emotional abuse leaves scars that aren’t visible, such as PTSD or C-PTSD.  Both are equally bad in the fact they cause a great deal of pain & suffering.

Truth be told, all abuse is horrible but different.  There’s no point in comparing your situation with someone else’s.  All it does is make you miserable.

Everyone who has been abused had it worse than some folks & better than others.  Only children didn’t have it better than those with siblings.  Children with siblings had brothers & sisters abusing them along with their parents, while only children were the only focus of their parents’ abuse & rage.  How is one of those situations better than the other?  People who were “only” emotionally abused don’t have it better than those who were physically or sexually abused.  At least with physical & sexual abuse, there is no doubt to the evilness of the abuser & victims are more likely to receive support.  With emotional abusers, there are no scars & no visible evidence of their evil deeds, so many doubt the validity of the claims of emotional abuse.  Without irrefutable evidence, many people don’t believe the claims of people who were abused.

See what I mean?  All abuse is terrible, period.  There is really no point in comparing your story to someone else’s.

Everyone who has been abused has suffered.  Everyone processes things differently too, which is why some people have a harder time coping than others.  And, no one is weak for having C-PTSD.  It is a sign of having experienced great trauma that was great enough to damage the brain.  That is NOT a sign of weakness!

Dear Reader, please never compare your experiences to another person’s.  If you do, you’ll end up doing one of two things, neither of which are good.  You’ll end up either thinking you’re overreacting because you believe your situation wasn’t as bad as someone else’s, or you’ll look down on the other person because you think their situation wasn’t as bad as yours.  Neither option does you any good at all!  Someone will end up hurt & feeling invalidated either way..

Instead, stop judging.  You have to accept that your situation was bad, as was the situation of the person in question.  Your situations may have been similar or vastly different, but they were both bad.  Period.

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8 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

8 responses to “Comparing Your Situation To Others That Have Been Abused

  1. ibikenyc

    Amen, Sister!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Cynthia, this post is 100% right on. I have been physically abused, I have been sexually abused, I have almost been murdered, more than once. But the abuse that has caused me the most pain, by far, was the emotional and verbal abuse.

    Not being loved. Not being valued. Not being wanted. Being lied about, lied to, and gaslighted. These things did a lot more harm, in the long run, than even the worst of the physical violence.

    I’m sorry you met a… not very bright person… who put you down for having C-PTSD. You so don’t deserve that. You are an awesome survivor! ((HUG))

    Liked by 4 people

    • So well-said! I tend to distance myself from people who feel they need to invalidate others’pain in order to feel better about themselves. Basically judgements people scare me. Maybe because my parents, especially my mother, arw highly judgmental of others, even people they don’t know. My father thinks all people who don’t believe in Catholicism are flawed. So that includes me because I’ve distanced myself from the Catholic Church after being emotionally & spiritually abused by my parents. My mother is even more extreme. She criticizes people’s appearances, ways they dress, physical shape… I’m ashamed to say she’s a racist, too, but I don’t think she’s even aware of that. When I was a child, sometimes I thought the last thing I wanted was to become an adult like my mother. It appalled me that she enjoyed badmouthing others like that.

      Liked by 2 people

    • I am so sorry for all you’ve been through, Linda. You’re such a wonderful person. Just goes to show the level narcissists go to in order to destroy a wonderful person.

      You’re very sweet.. thank you! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

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