One Way Abuse Victims Process Emotions

As I’ve mentioned before, I am a huge true crime buff.  Pretty sure my poor husband is sick of it since when I turn the TV on, that’s usually what I end up watching.

I’ve also never been a big fan of stories with happy endings.  If it suits the story, that’s fine but if it seems forced, I’m not a fan of that.  I prefer real endings, even if they aren’t happy ones.

Growing up, my mother always said how negative & pessimistic I was.  She made me feel abnormal for liking such “negative” things instead light, fluffy things like she did.  I assumed she was right & something was wrong with me.  Yet, nothing changed even into adulthood.  I still dislike fluffy stories.

I finally came to a realization about my so called negativity, & I think it may help some of you as well.

So many people I’ve spoken to who were raised by narcissistic parents also dislike light, fluffy stories.  They prefer something real even if it is sad.  Many also share my interest in true crime.

Many who were abused by narcissistic parents also share some similarities.  We often are introverts, very down to earth & interested in the deeper things in life over the superficial, in particular what makes people tick.  Knowing these traits, it only makes sense that we prefer what we do.

Another thing I realized is these things allow us to feel the emotions we never were allowed to feel growing up.  Narcissistic parents deny their children the right to have emotions, in particular anger or hurt over the abuse.  This often carries into adulthood.  We grow up not comfortable showing or sharing certain emotions, & aren’t sure how to deal with them.  Feeling anything about the abuse perpetrated on us by our own parents is especially not OK, so those emotions are ignored.  Since those emotions aren’t felt, they need an outlet.  Watching sad movies or true crime, reading sad or unjust stories or even listening to sad songs provides that outlet.  They enable you to feel the sadness or anger without feeling it as it relates to the abuse.

Something else narcissistic parents can’t tolerate is their child feeling sorry for themselves.  This, too, carries into adulthood, & many struggle with feeling compassion for ourselves because of that dysfunctional teaching.  Being able to feel the emotions because of songs, stories or whatever also help you to feel them while not feeling sorry for yourself.  If you watch a story of a young woman who was abused & murdered by her parents, as an adult woman who was abused by her parents, you’re going to be able to relate to her story.  Your heart will go out to her, & you’ll feel pity, sadness, anger at the injustice.  You should be feeling such emotions for yourself, but can’t.  Instead it’s redirected.

If you realize that you too behave in this manner, all hope isn’t lost!  At least you’re feeling the emotions you need to.  That is good.  Emotions demand to be felt, so if you don’t feel them in a healthy way, they will find another outlet.  This outlet isn’t as destructive as it could be, so that is a definite plus.

Some people think about themselves as a child.. if that child was in front of you, what would you tell him or her now?  Wouldn’t you want that child to be open about their feelings & heal?  If it helps, talk to that child.  Write letters to him or her.  It may help you tremendously.

Most of all, never ever forget to talk to God.  He truly understands even when we don’t.  He wants to help & comfort you, so why not let Him?

6 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

6 responses to “One Way Abuse Victims Process Emotions

  1. ibikenyc

    Oh, do I hear you about happy endings! As you say, if it suits the story, okay. Otherwise, I’m sitting here rolling my eyes and going, “Yeah; RIGHT!”

    I, too, love true crime (ID / Oxygen, anyone?!) I realized only very recently that what fascinates me about it is all the insight it provides into what drives human behavior. It’s a way to catch up on what I didn’t learn during my dysfunctional up-throwing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL I know! An ending that makes me say “Yea right” is NOT an ending I want to deal with. Make the ending real, happy or not!

      That’s true, too.. I love the insight into human behavior that true crime provides! It’s just fascinating!

      I bet you’ve experienced this too… the show states no one knows what drove this person to their awful behavior, but as they interview people, you pick up on clues as to what messed that person up. lol Like John Wayne Gacy.. I’ve heard so many say he had this normal upbringing with his I think 3 older sisters. He liked more “girly” activities like gardening & cooking. His father disapproved & made fun of him for not being “a man.” Then they say “But no one knows what made him this way…” Seriously?! Dominant mother (not sure about actions but at least her more feminine influence) & emasculating father. Yea, ok… it’s a big mystery. Riiiiiight.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The Brat

    It is amazing how much all of us have in common! I have also been both a movie buff as well as true crime interests. Understanding why people behave so horribly has always given me insight into narcissistic and psychopathic behavior that I experienced as a child. The movies gave me a way of learning coping skills throughout life. It is something that is difficult for others to understand, the worlds we create around us to enable us to understand the very fundamentals that were not given. Great article, thanks for sharing!

    Like

    • It really is amazing, isn’t it? 🙂 It’s like this sisterhood (well I should say “siblinghood” since guys are a part of it too) that we become a part of after being raised by narcissists.

      It is difficult for others to understand. I didn’t even understand this myself til recently.

      Thank you so much! Glad you liked my post! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

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