Ongoing Problems As You Heal

When you are healing from narcissistic abuse, it can be incredibly discouraging.  It sometimes seems like no matter what you do, you still have problems that you cannot fix, which can be incredibly frustrating!

Recently, my husband turned a movie on tv whose subject matter was football.  This is not good for me.  When I was growing up, my father was utterly obsessed with football.  He was so obsessed that his normally civil demeanor turned into something resembling a screaming demon if a game was on.  If my mother or I walked into the room, he would yell at us about making too much noise.  If I wanted his attention, I had to sit still & quiet until there was a break in the game.

As a result, I absolutely hate football.  It stirs up memories of feeling less valuable than a leather bag of air & a bunch of guys playing an over-glorified game of fetch.  Just hearing the sounds of a football game makes me angry.

I am in my late forties as I write this.  I have tried to let this go.  I have tried forgiving my father for his jerk-like behavior surrounding this game, & I think I have.  I also understand it is simply the result of some very dysfunctional behavior of my father’s more than a reflection on me.  Yet in spite of it all, football sounds still make me angry.

This has been incredibly discouraging to me!  I have healed from so much of the abuse I have experienced.  So why is this still a problem??

One day several years ago, God showed me this verse….

Philippians 1:6 in the Amplified Bible says,

“I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus [the time of His return].”

Suddenly everything clicked…

On this healing journey, there are going to be issues we do not heal from in this lifetime.  God will work with us & on us.  He will continue to improve us & heal us.  Yet, even so, some things are going to be an issue for as long as we live.

When this happens, Dear Reader, know it does NOT mean something is wrong with you.  It simply means you are normal.  It can be incredibly frustrating I know, but at least it does not mean you are doing something wrong, or are broken beyond repair.  It just means you are a normal human being!

Rather than be upset about this, why not do what you can to accept this as a simple shortcoming & rely on God to help you get through?    Remember, Psalm 23:4 says,

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

The valley of the shadow of death is never pleasant of course, but even so, you can get through it.  In my experience, it is those trips through that awful valley that brought me closer to God.  Also sharing my ongoing issues like this often mean someone who reads my story also can relate & is comforted by knowing someone else understands their struggles. This means something good can come from those dark times!  That pain has a purpose!  As bad & painful as the bad times are, it truly helps when you know that something good can come from them & your pain was not in vain.  If you have trouble understanding what the purpose is, ask God to show you, to help you see the purpose.  He truly will not disappoint you!

9 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

9 responses to “Ongoing Problems As You Heal

  1. Thanks a lot for this post.needed to know m normal today as I began to doubt myself feeling I.will never really recover from the fears and complexes caused by being in a wrong relationship for far too long

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  2. Thank you for another excellent and thought provoking post! Your disdain for football runs parallel to my experience. Only in my case the world revolved around basketball (I’m in Indiana after all). To this day I cringe when I hear those muffled gym sounds and “fight songs” on my TV. My brother is still a high school basketball coach. His daughter recently told me she played basketball in school to win his approval. She was quite successful and even had mentions in the local paper. Even then, her father still didn’t give her the validation and approval she was seeking. He instead would always turn the conversation back to himself and the boys teams he was coaching.

    When she realized this, she chose to “rebel”. But, being such a responsible kid, her version of “rebellion” was not doing drugs or getting tattoos. Instead she chose to abandon basketball for soccer.

    And as to your comments about how we are a work in progress – I’ve often wondered why I had homosexual attractions. I know it’s not part of the ideal that God had envisioned. But perhaps God had a bigger vision and making me wrestle this “abnormality” kept me out of more trouble. Had I had been attracted to women, I would have most likely married a woman similar to my mother, had children that would have been used as a pawns in never-ending battles for narcissistic supply from all parties, etc. etc.

    I very much appreciate your idea that we can learn what we can in this life, and the rest will be revealed and healed in the next one.

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    • Thank you so much! 🙂

      Ahh.. so you had a similar experience with a different sport. Only difference is location.. being in the south football is so important here, like basketball is in Indiana. I’m sorry you have had this “pleasure” too.

      Wow.. I bet your niece playing soccer was a huge slap in the face to your brother. If I’m not too nosy.. what happened?

      That is really an interesting thought about homosexuality. I never would’ve thought of that. It does make sense though. We all have battles of some sort, & we can learn so much from them. Sometimes even bad stuff turns out good in the end, like my fondness for the occult turned me to God. God truly works in mysterious ways so you may be onto something with your thoughts on the matter!

      Thank you again. I do believe that. I really started thinking more about it when my father died in 2017. God carried me through that & taught me so much. One thing He told me was my father was very sorry for what he did to me. That tells me that his eyes were opened once he died.. he finally saw the error of his ways with me rather than excusing his actions away or defending himself. Other things God has shown me made me realize the same happened with my mother. If that happened with them, I’d think it happens with all of us.

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      • I’m not sure what you are asking in regards to my niece when you say, “what happened”? I’m open to any question, I’m just not sure what the question is.

        Onto your next thought- it sounds like God told you that your dad is sorry from beyond the grave. Has your mother?

        I only ask because I did consult a psychic once who had been recommended by friends. And only my real dad’s father came through. And he apologized out the ass. Said he was so sorry for beating his sons and sorry for how everything has turned out.

        I was surprised my maternal grandmother never came through. She was always the one with the “hugs” and fake “I love you’s”

        Of course my maternal grandmother always thought of herself as the world’s “best Christian”. She never smoked, drank, committed adultery or played cards (apparently playing cards was a sin in her world.)

        If you were to ask my maternal grandmother if she had committed a sin, she would tell you “no” based on the criteria above.

        The fact that she used guilt and shame to control her daughters and everyone in her world never crossed her mind.

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        • I’m sorry.. that’s what I get for trying to respond & talk to hubby at the same time. Duh. I meant how did your brother react to your niece turning away from basketball?

          God did tell me that & my mother as well.. with her, one part was a dream. I dreamed she & I were talking not long after her death. I apologized for embarrassing her with what I write about & she told me it’s ok… people need to learn from my experiences. She gave her support. Another time I was at her & my father’s grave.. I was angry & since no one was near, I told her off. Suddenly dragonflies kept flying around me. It distracted me, there were so many. I got this strong sense of her wanting me to research the meaning of dragonflies & feeling bad for hurting me. Suddenly they stopped. I went to ask God if what I felt was right & to give me a sign if I was. I was halfway through this & a big one flew right by my head! LOL There’s my sign. (Also, dragonflies symbolize change, peace & maturity among other good things).

          Interesting. There are so many like your maternal grandmother, sadly. They follow the church rules for things like no smoking, drinking, cards (really?!), etc. but don’t think twice about abusing their children.

          Honestly, I’m not comfortable with psychics & mediums. I was into that before becoming a Christian & after learned the Bible says it’s wrong. That being said though, I do believe God will allow our loved ones to send us messages that we need sometimes, like He did with my parents. Maybe you needed to hear that from your grandfather, which is why you were permitted to?

          Liked by 2 people

  3. My brother’s behavior to his niece did not change. He continued to ignore her as she played soccer.

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  4. Haha – to my niece – his daughter. He didn’t care. Her attempts to play basketball did not matter to him.

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