Filed under Narcissism
Tagged as abuse, disorder, emotional, health, illness, mental, narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic, personality
Spot on as usual! My malignant narc mother always uses her vague ailments to garner narcissistic supply for herself.
Related to this, I would like to run a scenario in my family system to get your take on it.
“Grandma” was a narcissist. Grandma create several malignant narcissists, but the youngest of her 9 children became a codependent. She is very nice, tries to serve God, and I do like her.
However, she is always sick. The diagnoses are always vague – heart valve problems, etc.
If you mention someone else’s ailment, she will show concern. But then she will mention she has something similar.
Example – “I understand why he couldn’t help you move. I think he has back problems. I know how hard that can be. I’ve had back problems myself with my XXXXX ailment”.
In other words – no one is going to “outsick” her.
Her son told me recently that his dad took her to many doctors over the years, and all the diagnoses are false.
They did convince her to get on anti-depressants and she would be “better” for a while. But then she would go off of them.
As someone looking in, I think that perhaps when she was on anti-depressants and “normal”, she may have been faced with not being able to run to the crutch of her “sickness” to keep users away.
Again, I do like her. I don’t know how she survived this long.
Where I was going with this initially was to tie this in with Gray Rock. And perhaps “out sicking” the narcissist could be a strategy.
But I realize as I write this that it would have not have worked with the older siblings. “Grandma” only showed compassion to this aunt she had at 43 because she probably knew this was her last chance at having one of her children be her slave.
I think my conclusion here is that “outsicking” does not work, even when it looks like it works for others.
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I wonder something about your aunt.. I wonder if being “sick” got her some attention which she wanted because she wasn’t getting attention like her other siblings. That wouldn’t make her a narcissist, just someone who was a very neglected child. Or, these vague problems could be a symptom of depression. I’ve dealt with it my whole life & many times, when it was bad, I felt achy & generally just yuk. What made her go off antidepressants? How did she feel on them, physically & mentally?
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I honestly don’t think my aunt plays the sick card to get attention. Rather, I think the “sick card” is something she plays to avoid abuse. it’s worked so well, that she continues to play it
I don’t know how the anti-depressants worked for Her, I only know the story her son told me.
if I were to call her, “off the record”, she would probably tell me.
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Avoiding abuse certainly seems likely too. It must work for her & she’s probably willing to do anything to avoid further abuse.
I guess it’s a trade-off. She never had to face the abuse of being herself. Yet she avoided the abuse by pretending to be meek and sickly.
People can use some odd survival skills. I can imagine that being one of them. 😦
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