A Little About “Just Go No Contact”

When you first learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, one of the first things you will see is many people preaching the value of no contact.  It’s true, no contact is often the best solution when dealing with narcissists, no matter what role the narcissist has in your life.  They accept no responsibility for their abusive ways, they have no empathy so they don’t care about the pain they cause, & they are more than happy to use & abuse anyone in order to get whatever they want.  In other words, they aren’t the kind of people with whom you can work things out.

No contact is a very serious issue, & should NOT be taken lightly.  Yet, there are people out there who treat it as if it’s no big deal.  You can recognize them easily.  They’re the people saying, “Just go no contact” if you mention your narcissist’s abusive behavior.  They act like there is no excuse whatsoever to remain in that relationship, & something is very wrong with you for staying.

People like this are not good if you’re in the place of considering going no contact.  The reason being people who say this can make a victim feel shame for not wanting to end that relationship or not having the strength to do it just yet.  That shame may make them feel horrible & muddy their thinking.  It is NOT helpful!  This is NOT what anyone considering no contact needs!  People in this position need support, love, understanding & even objectivity in the people surrounding them to help them come to whatever decision is right for them.

There is another brand of the “no contact” crowd out there that is even more dangerous.  These are the people who say your family is toxic as soon as you say anything about them that is less than 1000% positive, & you don’t need them in your life.  People like this are either highly sensitive due to their own abusive pasts or they’re manipulative.  One example is someone I knew who sold her home & gave the money to a fortune teller.  This fortune teller told her that her parents were toxic, & she needed to get away from them.  She should sell her house & give the rest of the money to this fortune teller.  The lady’s parents were about as un-toxic as you can get, but she listened anyway.  The fortune teller ran off with this lady’s money as soon as the house was sold.

My point of all of this is that you, Dear Reader, need to be wise with people who say, “Just go no contact”.  Think about it for yourself before you decide to do it.  Is the person telling you this someone who knows you & the other person?  Does this person have experience in similar relationships?  Does this person have anything to gain if you sever ties with the person in question?  Remember, abusive people isolate their victims, so there is a distinct possibility that this person could be abusive & trying to get you away from someone who isn’t abusive (like the fortune teller in my story).

I’m not trying to talk you out of no contact, far from it.  Like I said, in many abusive relationships, it’s the only option.  What I am trying to convince you to do is to pray & consider it seriously for yourself while not blindly listening to the advice of other people.  People who give advice on this subject may not have your best interest at heart, or know enough about your situation to give good advice.  Consider what they have to say, but if it doesn’t feel right, trust that feeling.

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Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

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