When People Tell You Not To Discuss Narcissistic Abuse

So many people tell victims of abuse that they should forgive & forget, never mentioning the abuse again, in particular when the abusers in question were the victim’s parents.  They love to quote Matthew 5:38-39 to prove their point.  Those verses say, “Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:  39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.” (KJV) 

The problem is though that when you pull out a random Scripture from the Bible, you can prove almost any point.  Other Scriptures on the topic need to be considered as well.

Psalm 82:4 “Rescue the weak and needy;
Rescue them from the hand of the wicked.” (AMP)

John 18: 22-23 “But when He said this, one of the officers who was standing nearby [a]struck Jesus [in the face], saying, “Is that how You answer the high priest?” 23 Jesus replied, “If I have said anything wrong, make a formal statement about the wrong; but if [I spoke] properly, why did you strike Me?” (AMP)

Acts 16:36-37 “36 And the jailer repeated the words to Paul, saying, “The chief magistrates have sent word to release you; so come out now and go in peace.” 37 But Paul said to them, “They have beaten us in public without a trial, men who are Romans, and have thrown us into prison; and now they are sending us out secretly? No! Let them come here themselves and bring us out!” (AMP) 

These verses clearly show that there is nothing wrong with speaking out about abusive behavior!  People need to learn & grow.  They can’t do that if the never are told their actions are wrong & people hide abusive behaviors.

Granted narcissists are not exactly the easiest people in the world to confront or even simply talk about.  They violently rage, create vicious smear campaigns to stop people from doing such things, & almost never learn when dealt consequences for their actions.  However, even so, it’s still your job to give them consequences & to be open about their abusive ways.  You give them chances to make healthy changes by doing such things, & that is the best thing you can do for them.  What they do with those things from there is on them, but you can rest easy knowing you have done the right thing.

You also need to be open about what they have done to you, because you may be helping someone in a similar situation.  Your story may open their eyes to just how bad narcissistic abuse is or inspire them to walk away.

Being open about the abuse inflicted on you also may cause some people to leave your life, but you know something?  It will show you exactly who truly loves you.  They will be the ones standing by your side & supporting you through your healing.  Realizing how special these people are makes losing the others hurt a whole lot less  🙂

14 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Mental Health, Narcissism

14 responses to “When People Tell You Not To Discuss Narcissistic Abuse

  1. I agree with stating your case to the narcissist as benevolent gesture, in hopes that they will hear you and make a change. However, if they refuse to hear you, there does come a time when you have to walk away, either by going no contact or gray rock. If anyone disagrees, please let me know.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I absolutely agree. I think you have to try to make relationships work if for no other reason, the peace that comes with knowing you tried your best. This isn’t always appropriate of course.. sometimes walking away is the smartest thing you can do, even without trying to fix things. But as a general rule, especially when it’s a close relationship like family, I think it’s best to try rather than walk away quickly. You may be best off walking away (& that’s usually the case with narcissists), but don’t be too quick to throw away relationships. That’s where prayer comes into the situation.. God will show you what the best thing to do is.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Do you have regrets about going “no contact” when you did?

        Like

        • Yes & no. Yes because I hate that no contact is what I had to do to protect myself from my own parents. That just shouldn’t be. Yes because although I know God used it for good, it still sucks not being able to be there for my parents at the end of their lives. Otherwise? Not at all. I know I tried hard & was a pretty good daughter, so I have peace about it. I just hate that things had to be as they were, if that makes sense.

          Liked by 2 people

      • ibikenyc

        “I think you have to try to make relationships work if for no other reason, the peace that comes with knowing you tried your best.”

        This is exactly where I’m at right now, in general but especially with regard to one specific person. After much prayer and affirmation, I realized that the biggest part of my painful struggle about her was that I was afraid of not being able to look myself in the eye down the road.

        Unfortunately, I have burned a lot of bridges in my life in the course of removing myself from genuinely-toxic situations (see INFJ Door Slam). Although I have come to understand that I was doing the best I could at the time, processing all the resultant guilt and regret is sometimes agonizing.

        Liked by 2 people

        • You need to be able to look yourself in the eye.. that is so very important!

          INFJs do seem to attract abusive, toxic people. I forget the exact statistic I read at the moment, but it was estimated that something like 43% of abuse victims are INFJs. Yay us… UGH!

          The guilt & regret can be agonizing for sure.((((hugs)))) It’d be so nice if it was easy to accept we did the best we could at the time! It’s a tough one though.. why I don’t know, but it is

          Liked by 3 people

          • ibikenyc

            Goes along with the High Sensitivity, maybe? 😉

            Thank you for the hugs. SIGH. I just wanna be RID of all this old. . . uh, I’ll say “crap” to be polite.

            At least I’m usually able these days to JUST plow through it, already, and have done with it, like yankin’ off a band-aid.

            Liked by 2 people

  2. Forever Serene

    I have the hardest time talking about my situation. Some people tell me to let it go and move on. Others say I should tell my story to make people aware. Then others victim blame. I end up feeling overwhelmed not sure what the right decision is. I have shared my story in past but currently I have it password protected because that is where I am most comfortable.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s