Being Supportive Of Other Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse

James 4:17 in the Amplified Bible states, “So any person who knows what is right to do but does not do it, to him it is sin.”  These are pretty powerful words, don’t you think?  They made me think….

People sin every day in all kinds of ways, no matter how hard we try not to.  Some by doing something extreme, such as killing another person, but most of the time it’s smaller things.  How many times have you felt in your heart that God wanted you to do something, even just something small, for another person, yet you ignored it?  I don’t even want to think about how many times I have been guilty of this.  I don’t always let that car into my lane when I feel I should or leave a good tip to a waitress as I know in my heart God would like me to do.

There are bigger issues though & yes, they relate to narcissistic abuse.  There are also times I don’t want to listen to another victim of narcissistic abuse tell me their story.  I’m not proud of that but it’s true.  There are times I just can’t because I’m burned out on the topic, & in dire need of a break.  But there are other times when I’m not burned out that I just don’t want to offer support or even just a listening ear for whatever reason.  That is being really selfish & I’m not proud of it.  I also believe it’s a sin, because I know God put this person in my path for a reason.

Unfortunately I think many people are guilty of this same behavior.  We need to use balance & wisdom when someone approaches us, wanting to discuss their experiences with narcissistic abuse.  There are times we need to protect our mental health, such as when burning out on the topic or if the C-PTSD is flaring up.  At those times we can gently explain this isn’t a good time for us to discuss the topic.  Let’s talk later.  Or even suggest they email you.. that way they can get it out now, but you don’t have to deal with it immediately.  It’s a really good solution.

Other times, however, maybe someone needs your support & you just aren’t in the mood to discuss narcissism.  I truly get that.  I am so tired of this topic it’s pitiful!  That being said though, if someone is suffering, it isn’t fair to brush them off just because I don’t feel like talking about a topic they need to discuss.  It’s unkind, & there is already a lack of kindness in the world today.

I’ve found if I know I should be there for someone when I’m not really feeling my most supportive, there are ways I can motivate myself.  Knowing I’m helping someone is wonderful of course, but there are times I need a little extra motivation  I think of a little reward for myself I can do or get later.  Maybe it’s a new bottle of nail polish or time alone with a good movie & some knitting.  The rewards are nothing really extravagant, just little things I like.  It’s amazing how silly little things like that can be so motivating.  It’s a good thing though, because it helps you to do the right thing when you just don’t want to.  You also get a little something you really like

When in these situations, how can you think to help to motivate yourself?  Like I said, it doesn’t even have to be extravagant.  Some small little thing can be surprisingly motivating.  And never forget the best part of all.. you’re helping someone else who has suffered as you have.


Filed under Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

13 responses to “Being Supportive Of Other Victims Of Narcissistic Abuse

  1. I like the idea of rewarding yourself in some small way. That has worked for me. Another thing I do is sing a silly little song that I made up. It goes like this (sung to a Cha cha cha beat):

    I don’t want to
    I don’t want to
    I don’t want to but I will
    No I don’t want to
    Oh I don’t want to
    I don’t want to but I will
    Cha cha cha! 😀

    Of course, if the person r don’t want to do something for is around, then I have to sing my Don’t Want To song in my head. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    • LOL! I love the song!!! LOL!!

      A former friend of ours used to have a similar idea. He called it the F*** It Dance. Yes, a dance went along with it.. he’d say that phrase repeatedly & do a little jig. That still comes to mind periodically when something happens that is disappointing or annoying & nothing I can do about it.. lol I don’t do the jig, but in my mind I remember him doing it & it makes me smile.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Lol! That’s too funny.

        I don’t have an F it dance, but I do have an operatic ‘I Told You So’ song and dance routine that I do on the rare occasion when my hubby is proven wrong about something. He has a t-shirt he loves to wear that says “It’s a Terrible Burden, Always Being Right.’ Anytime that his daughter or I tell him he’s right about something, he always says, in a joking way “Of course I’m right, I’m always right, and I have the t-shirt to prove it.’

        Because of this, whenever he is proven wrong about something and I am proven right, I do my ‘I Told You So’ song and dance. While whirling around the room in my poor imitation of a ballerina, with my loudest, highest operatic voice, I sing: ‘I….. TOLD you so, I told you so, oh don’t you know, I TOLD you so. I….. TOLD you so, I told you so, I hope you KNOW…. I….. TOLD YOU SO!’

        Lol yes, sometimes I am a stinker. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I want to thank you personally for having lent a kind ear to me over these last several months. Your wisdom and insight has been hugely beneficial. I’m sure it’s often exhausting going over this stuff, since it seems like you are now at a point where you can see the bigger picture. That said, if you feel God leading you to do something else at this time, you should do what is right for you. I keep going back to Jesus needing time on the mountain to get away from his needy followers and renew his spirit. I don’t think he was knitting or doing his nails up there – but it would have okay if he was!

    I’ve noticed other YouTubers, Facebookers and bloggers on narcissism come right out say they can’t respond to comments or e-mails. Many of them have helpers to manage inquiries. Just a thought.

    On a humorous note – I am laughing at the idea of Jesus doing his nails as a form of renewal and meditation. It reminds me of my Baptist aunt who once said she could never be the type of Pentecostal that doesn’t wear make-up. She said, “I have these huge dark circles under my eyes. If I didn’t wear make-up, people would look at me and think, ‘oh look at that poor, pitiful thing’. And then what kind of witness would I be?”

    Liked by 3 people

    • Excellent point about Jesus sometimes needing to withdraw from the needy multitudes. Thanks, Doug!

      Liked by 2 people

    • You’re welcome! I’m always glad to help if I can. ❤

      It is an exhausting subject. That's why I take frequent breaks & have my blog & YouTube posts scheduled for months in advance. I can write when inspired & take breaks when needed.

      I am wondering if I'll need to step away from this for a bit. I haven't been focusing on books as much since my mother died simply because I don't have the focus. Too much to do, let alone write books as well, yanno? But I don't think I'll be stepping down entirely… I've had an idea for writing mini books that focus on one aspect of NPD & recovery at a time. Wondering if that may be the direction God takes me in the future, rather than keep writing "normal" books. We shall see..

      Well, I never thought about Jesus knitting or doing his nails during His alone time that;s an interesting mental image. LOL I'd love to see that, quite frankly! 🙂

      Wow.. I didn't realize they had helpers. That's a smart idea. I have others who are admins in my group & on my FB page in case I'm unavailable for any reason but that's all. I'm pretty fortunate I suppose in that I don't get an unmanageable amount of correspondence. If I do though, a helper would be a fantastic idea.

      I love your aunt.. LOL How cute! So true, too! How is looking rough going to attract people to your faith?!

      Liked by 3 people

  3. ibikenyc

    I, too, was grinning at the mental image of Jesus’ doing his nails! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  4. ibikenyc

    What sometimes helps me a LOT with stuff like this is asking myself how I’ll feel later / tomorrow if I do it versus how I’ll feel if I don’t, and then sitting quietly with myself for a few minutes until the answer is clear.

    Part of that is often asking myself “What are you gonna be doing instead?” It’s comical how rarely I have a good answer for that!

    Along with that, I try to remember to revisit the thing later / tomorrow. I don’t remember a single time I didn’t feel great that I’d done whatever it was.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. ibikenyc

    As a bonus, it’s also an antidote to depression.

    Liked by 1 person

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