Over the course of my life, I have dealt with quite a few narcissists. They taught me many ways to deal with this personality.
One way I learned to deal with narcissists pretty successfully is to stump them. How do you stump such a highly illogical person whose thinking makes no sense? With cold, hard logic.
Narcissists feed off of the emotions of their victims. It gives them such a feeling of power to control another person’s emotions! That is why the Gray Rock method is so successful, it deprives the narcissist of feeding off the emotions of their victims because the victim keeps all emotions hidden from the narcissist. This is what cold, hard logic does as well.
A person who is very logical doesn’t reveal what they feel. They deal instead with nothing but the facts. This can be very useful with narcissists.
As an example, let’s say the narcissist in your life wants you to do something that will create a financial burden for you yet not benefit you in any way. The narcissist insists you need to do this & hand over your bank card right now. But, what if rather than saying “no” outright you said something else? What do you think would happen if you said, “I don’t understand something… how is this supposed to be a good thing? Clearly, I’ll end up with a debt I’ll have trouble repaying. Yet, I don’t see how this debt will benefit me. Am I missing something here? Please tell me how doing this will be a good thing.” How would the narcissist in your life respond to this? I would guess like many narcissists, he or she would be baffled.
Doing this can make a narcissist angry, naturally. Going against their wishes always carries that risk. That being said though, even the most malignant narcissist doesn’t want to look foolish. They realize that raging against someone who is making sense can make them look foolish, so usually they won’t rage extremely. They may throw out a few nasty comments, but that is all. The good part is, their behavior can change, & it often does.
If you wish to try using logic against the narcissist in your life, I would encourage you to give it a try! Some folks are very emotional & not as logical by nature. This may be a bit tricky for you, but you still can do it. If it helps, think of your situation as if it wasn’t you involved, but instead was a friend who came to you complaining of this problem & looking for a solution. What would you tell that friend?
Here are some phrases that can help you to get started being logical with the narcissist:
- I get that if I do that it helps you, but I don’t see how it helps me. Not trying to be selfish here, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to do that.
- So you just said/did that thing that you know bothers me & you’re mad that I’m upset about it. I don’t see why you have the right to be mad at me but I don’t have the right to be mad at you for doing something you know bothers me. Would you explain that to me?
- I’m really confused. I don’t see how that is a good thing. Can you explain it to me again in a different way so I can see things from your perspective?
These suggestions are simple, but they can be surprisingly helpful. And with time & practice, no doubt you’ll figure out even more phrases that will be beneficial.