Excusing Bad Behavior

Have you ever noticed how many people readily excuse away bad & even abusive behavior?

  • “Boys will be boys!”
  • “That’s just how she is.”
  • “She had a difficult childhood.”
  • “He just doesn’t know how to act any differently.”

Naturally no one is perfect.  We all hurt or anger others sometimes.  When these things happen on a regular basis though, they shouldn’t be excused away.

God wants us to take responsibility for our actions & also to confront others about their bad behavior:

  • Matthew 18:15- 17  “15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”  (NIV)
  • Luke 17:3   “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.”  (KJV)
  • 2 Timothy 4:2  “Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.” (KJV)

If someone continually hurts you, you are well within your rights not to make excuses for their bad behavior & even to confront them about it.

With narcissists, I realize confrontation isn’t always a good idea however.  They can spin any situation around to make the victim look crazy, stupid or even abusive.  In cases like that, you have to lean on God for wisdom a LOT.  Sometimes, confrontation is a good idea, but other times it isn’t, & you will need His guidance to figure out whether or not each incident is worth confrontation.

In any case, don’t make excuses for bad behavior.  Confront the person misbehaving when it’s appropriate, let it go when it’s appropriate, but don’t excuse away abusive behavior.  Excusing it only leads to a person abusing more & more.  After all, if an abusive person knows they can get away with abusing, what motivation would that person have to stop?

3 Comments

Filed under Narcissism

3 responses to “Excusing Bad Behavior

  1. ibikenyc

    “That’s just how she is.”

    Story of my work life! So, does that mean I get to do whatever I want, too, because that’s just how I am?! (EYEROLL)

    I have learned to Not Confront because, aside from the Narcissistic Tantrum it usually engenders in the moment, it also gives him one more way to hurt me.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Of course not because that only applies to narcissists!

      Makes sense to me. There’s no point in confronting a narcissist most of the time for that very reason

      Liked by 3 people

      • annealcroft

        “Story of my work life! So, does that mean I get to do whatever I want, too, because that’s just how I am?! (EYEROLL)”

        God forbid we stand up for righteousness and speak our truth when we’re dished out one of their filthy injustices. The narcissist is the only one who gets to to whatever they want to do, without compunction, and without question. The pity of it all, is that most people are completely spellbound by their charming, deceitful, lying antics. They always, always, manage to surround themselves with their legion of “flying monkeys” who are susceptible prey. It’s interesting to observe who the flying monkeys are if not junior narcissists perhaps not quite as skilled as their master; in other words, the a$$ki$$ers. Did not Satan say, “bow down and worship me?”

        Cynthia is right when she says, “With narcissists, I realize confrontation isn’t always a good idea however. They can spin any situation around to make the victim look crazy, stupid or even abusive. In cases like that, you have to lean on God for wisdom a LOT. Sometimes, confrontation is a good idea, but other times it isn’t, & you will need His guidance to figure out whether or not each incident is worth confrontation.”

        That is exactly how it is. And there are very few people who are “safe” enough to confide in, especially when they refuse to listen at the church, and then we are left to treat them as a pagan or tax collector. What, pray tell, does that mean? It is true Jesus did associate with pagans and tax collectors who were sinners “IF” He could heal them. “Go and sin no more.”

        According to several exorcists, there are some who say they will never renounce Satan because they feel so empowered by worshiping evil. I believe Father Vince Lampert has mentioned this phenomenon in some of his lectures on the need for exorcism that can be found at youtube.

        How often do we find ourselves smashing our head against a brick wall trying to reason with the narcissist, or feeling like a dog chasing its tail, run in circles with their ridiculous nonsense? It is impossible to reason with a narcissists because a narcissist has sold their soul to Satan. Period. There is no other way to make sense of the way these people live their lives, and there is no way of reasoning with them unless we be like them who go down into the pit. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. There is no other way if we are to empty our hearts of everything to make room only for God Himself. This is the Truth that sets us free.

        Throughout The Psalter there are many beautiful Psalms praying for justice and punishment for the oppressor, throughout the ages.

        Psalm 10 English Standard Version (ESV)
        Why Do You Hide Yourself?
        10 Why, O Lord, do you stand far away?
        Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?

        2 In arrogance the wicked hotly pursue the poor;
        let them be caught in the schemes that they have devised.
        3 For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul,
        and the one greedy for gain curses[a] and renounces the Lord.
        4 In the pride of his face[b] the wicked does not seek him;[c]
        all his thoughts are, “There is no God.”
        5 His ways prosper at all times;
        your judgments are on high, out of his sight;
        as for all his foes, he puffs at them.
        6 He says in his heart, “I shall not be moved;
        throughout all generations I shall not meet adversity.”
        7 His mouth is filled with cursing and deceit and oppression;
        under his tongue are mischief and iniquity.
        8 He sits in ambush in the villages;
        in hiding places he murders the innocent.
        His eyes stealthily watch for the helpless;
        9 he lurks in ambush like a lion in his thicket;
        he lurks that he may seize the poor;
        he seizes the poor when he draws him into his net.
        10 The helpless are crushed, sink down,
        and fall by his might.
        11 He says in his heart, “God has forgotten,
        he has hidden his face, he will never see it.”

        12 Arise, O Lord; O God, lift up your hand;
        forget not the afflicted.
        13 Why does the wicked renounce God
        and say in his heart, “You will not call to account”?
        14 But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation,
        that you may take it into your hands;
        to you the helpless commits himself;
        you have been the helper of the fatherless.
        15 Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer;
        call his wickedness to account till you find none.

        16 The Lord is king forever and ever;
        the nations perish from his land.
        17 O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted;
        you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear
        18 to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed,
        so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.

        Liked by 1 person

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