Have you ever noticed how many people readily excuse away bad & even abusive behavior?
- “Boys will be boys!”
- “That’s just how she is.”
- “She had a difficult childhood.”
- “He just doesn’t know how to act any differently.”
Naturally no one is perfect. We all hurt or anger others sometimes. When these things happen on a regular basis though, they shouldn’t be excused away.
God wants us to take responsibility for our actions & also to confront others about their bad behavior:
- Matthew 18:15- 17 “15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” (NIV)
- Luke 17:3 “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.” (KJV)
- 2 Timothy 4:2 “Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.” (KJV)
If someone continually hurts you, you are well within your rights not to make excuses for their bad behavior & even to confront them about it.
With narcissists, I realize confrontation isn’t always a good idea however. They can spin any situation around to make the victim look crazy, stupid or even abusive. In cases like that, you have to lean on God for wisdom a LOT. Sometimes, confrontation is a good idea, but other times it isn’t, & you will need His guidance to figure out whether or not each incident is worth confrontation.
In any case, don’t make excuses for bad behavior. Confront the person misbehaving when it’s appropriate, let it go when it’s appropriate, but don’t excuse away abusive behavior. Excusing it only leads to a person abusing more & more. After all, if an abusive person knows they can get away with abusing, what motivation would that person have to stop?