Never, Ever Underestimate Narcissists Or Flying Monkeys!

I was thinking of something & thought I’d pass it along to those of you who read my work & follow my YouTube channel.

April 25, 2019 was the day I buried my mother.  I decided not to have a funeral because those she was closest to were elderly, ill &/or lived too far away to attend her funeral.  The day of her burial, I knew I didn’t have to be there, so I was unsure if I would attend or not.  That is at least until that morning.  The cemetery called.  Apparently they made a huge blunder.  My parents bought two double decker plots, one for them & another for my husband & I.  When my father died, he was to be buried at double depth, then my mother on top at regular depth.  The problem was the day of my mother’s burial, they learned my father was buried at normal depth!  They had to exhume him, rebury him in the neighboring plot, fill in the now empty grave & then they could bury my mother.  I had to rush to the cemetery to fill out paperwork giving my permission to do this.  I did this & returned home, deciding to go back to the cemetery for her burial to be certain no more mistakes were made.

This was horrific to put it mildly, especially on top of losing my mother, learning I was to handle her estate matters, try to help her traumatized cat & continue to live my own life.  Yet, it got worse…

At the grave side with my husband & best friend, I realized someone else showed up.  The cousin who was a devoted flying monkey to my parents & the cruelest to me when my father was dying!  She approached me to tell me she was just there for my mother.  I told her to leave & she wasn’t welcome.  She smugly refused.  I called her a nasty name, which then fueled her insanity to start screaming.  Thankfully her husband dragged her off as my husband told her to get lost.  Her husband & the cemetery staff kept her away from me until I left, once my mother was safely buried.

The reason I’m sharing this story with you is this… never underestimate narcissists & their flying monkeys.  Always expect the worst out of them.  I clearly made a mistake by not expecting anyone to show up to my mother’s burial.  That day I felt I was at the edge of sanity with my trashy cousin trying to push me over the edge.  If I hadn’t underestimated narcissistic behavior, I could’ve been more mentally prepared to handle the situation or asked the cemetery not to tell anyone when my mother’s burial would be.

I’m not trying to make anyone feel paranoid, like you constantly have to look over your shoulder.  However, when these people have been in your life in any capacity, even only briefly as a flying monkey, you need to know that they may come back at any time, in particular at your worst possible times.

Narcissists are glad to cause pain.  I believe that most flying monkeys are also narcissists, which is why they see nothing wrong with encouraging people to tolerate abuse or treating people any old way they like under the guise of trying to help.  If they truly think this way then there is no low too low for them.  Never forget that!  Protect yourself as much as humanly possible from such people.  Know they are capable of anything.  If at all possible, avoid them.  Block any & all contact they have with you & don’t speak to them.  If that is not possible, then remember to Gray Rock.  Be boring.  Never give into any control measures they try to use on you.  Never show them any emotions you have.  Never provide any personal information about yourself or your life.  Remember what they find interesting about you & deny them of that.  These people deserve nothing from you, so provide them with nothing & protect yourself!

11 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

11 responses to “Never, Ever Underestimate Narcissists Or Flying Monkeys!

  1. Whew. I remember you writing about this here on your blog, shortly after it happened. Yes, I agree that most flying monkeys are also narcissists. It takes a special kind of crazy to create hateful drama at a burial.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It was so hard to believe then & still is to some degree. Says volumes about this person’s lack of character, to create such a scene at a burial.

      It seems to be the case about most flying monkeys being narcissists, doesn’t it? So few are those who are genuinely duped. They exist but are ultra rare.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. annealcroft

    It is absolutely remarkable what the flying monkeys and narcissists are capable of. As time goes by and we trustfully heal from the wounds of our salvation’s enemies, just like the wounds of Jesus Christ, they are truly indelible.

    What you write reminds me of a few different funeral stories. The most vivid memory is when my maternal grandmother died, who I loved very much. When she died I cried for days, inconsolably.

    The morning of her funeral, I rode to the funeral home with my mother and father in their car. I will never as long as I live forget the scene my father made when we got out of the car. My mother was already up the steps into the funeral home, while my father stood there yelling as loud as he could, “I hope that goddamned thing is closed. I don’t want to look at her.”

    Alas, the funeral director had my grandmother on full display and if only she knew how beautiful she looked. It seemed the whole room was filled with love though still, I could not stop crying. Her death had a profound impact on me though I was then in my early 30s.

    My grandmother was frugal and saved massive amounts of money over the years which she left to my mother and her only surviving brother. There was also considerable property. My mother always said that when she died everything went to her daughters, me and my sister.

    So it doesn’t bode well at all knowing that my father pulled nefarious activities with my mother’s Will and embezzled everything my grandparents, and the grandmother he hated so much, worked and saved for their heirs, not him. Such is the hypocrisy and evil of a narcissist.

    About flying monkeys. Last spring my aunt passed away; she was my father’s younger sister who he was mercilessly abusive of. I have emails she forwarded me that she sent him literally begging him to “lay off” of her because she was sick, but he still wouldn’t. I believe he drove her to her grave, just as he did my mother. Yet she was forgiving of him, kind and merciful.

    Well, after her daughter notified me of my aunt’s death, I responded with a cordial letter of condolence. This daughter has been one of my father’s flying monkeys for several years. About a month later she sent me an email saying that “the family” had a graveside service for my aunt and that she thought I would want to know that she’d been buried.

    Later I learned from my father that this same daughter, knowing how her mother felt about my father, involved him in the settling of my aunt’s estate and the sale of her property. So that’s how flying monkeys operate.

    Not only did he literally gloat over rummaging through my aunt’s personal belongings, but what came out of his mouth about how much he hated her was astonishing. And he hated her because she held him legally accountable (and won) for embezzling from his own mother’s estate. So instead of apologizing, he demonized her.

    God is merciful and asks us to forgive. But God does not hand out his mercy like candy; otherwise the Passion of Jesus Christ would be a farce.

    God is merciful to those who, from the heart, sincerely repent. What does it take for a narcissist to repent, or, is that possible?

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    • Your father sounds more & more wicked each time you share something about him. I don’t even know what to say!

      Well, the Bible says all things are possible with God, so that tells me it is possible for a narcissist to repent. What can drive them to it though, I’m sure that depends in the individual narcissist. I can tell you it must be pretty intense though. This is how my covert narcissist father came to the Lord… it’s a kinda long story, sorry! But it’s also worth reading, I believe… https://cynthiabaileyrug.com/home/the-miraculous-way-my-father-came-to-know-jesus/

      Liked by 1 person

      • annealcroft

        Cynthia, the story of how your father repented and found Christ at the end of his life is heart-warming. Thanks so much.

        At the end, your father humbled himself and by doing so, wanted to see you. It has been my prayer for many years for my father to see His Light and to realize that all along, I have been trying to tell him the truth. Instead, he punishes me for that, repeatedly.

        The way God uses creatures as His messengers is truly mystical, such as your encounter with the Monarch butterfly.

        For me, the blackbird is especially significant though my story demands enough time and the right frame of mind to tell about how the blackbird, especially the red-winged black bird, has so profoundly impacted my life since my mother died. Making a long story short isn’t one of my strengths.

        Yes, without a doubt my father is “wicked” and to go another step, he is Satanic. “The unspiritual man does not receive the gits of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned.” -1 Cor 2:14

        Yet there is no other way but to constantly seek the tension between holding others (the narcissists in our life) accountable for their abuses, and finding God’s mercy in our hearts to forgive them for not knowing what they do.

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        • You’re welcome.. I’m glad you liked my father’s story. Even all this time later, it still amazes me. Almost doesn’t seem real!

          I know your father seems like a lost cause, but please keep praying for him! It’s hard, I know, but God truly hears those prayers! I was certain both my parents were lost causes.. not because God can’t, but because of free will & my parents’ hard heartedness. He can find a way to draw even the most lost to Him, like with my parents.

          I’d love to hear your blackbird story sometime! It’s fascinating to me when God uses His lovely creatures in such ways. 🙂

          Agreed. We must let God lead us with when to hold narcissists accountable though & how to do it. It’s so frustrating not to be able to approach them like normal people!! But, he knows when & how best to confront them.

          Liked by 1 person

          • annealcroft

            Cynthia, thanks so much for all you do. God bless you.

            As I continue to pray for my father and to reach out, world-wide, to others in prayer for the salvation of his soul, often I have been told that there is nothing else I can do but to continue to pray for him. It has become unbearable to even think about not only the damage he has done to himself, but the extent of damage he has done his ancestors, his deceased wife, and his daughters and granddaughter, and extended family.

            God gave him every possible blessing. Largely because of my mother’s interest in history and an old house she loved since she was a little girl (another long story) he now lives in the house that left our family only once in almost three hundred years. Our ancestors fought in the Revolutionary War for the freedom of our country and the one who built the house my father now lives in was given a King’s Grant to build that house. They would be appalled at who my father is and how he has compromised his morals and integrity for a Jezebel who has seduced him to commit adultery, celebrate sexual immorality, steal, lie, cheat, and refuse to take responsibility for the hurt he causes others. This is the woman who seduced him into an affair that betrayed and destroyed our family and helped send my mother to her early grave. She was only 75 when she died. Though she too had her quirks, I miss her terribly and this time of year especially can be difficult. Especially knowing now that my father gave to Jezebel the amethyst cross and chain I gave to my mother for Mother’s Day a few years before she died.

            I have not yet been able to reconcile with God about Jezebel only to ask Him to forgive her as I am still not able to. I pray to God constantly for Jezebel to be eaten by the dogs. That is my prayer for her, and if it be God’s Divine Will that my father has chosen hell for himself over Heaven, then so be it. There’s nothing else I can possibly do but to continue to ask God to help me to help my father to save his own soul, only and all for His Glory.

            Frankly, though I will always be able to remember some of the cute, good things my father did, his evil overshadows his soul. Though his odor is indelible, it is best I try not to even think of him as it never fails to make me sick when I do. This is being honest, and I don’t think Jesus Christ cared whether or not honesty seemed bitter. What is most important for our well-being is to be honest. Our freedom to be honest is outlined in our Constitution and little by little we see what’s happening to that.

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            • Thank you, Anne & God bless you too! ❤

              That's very true, that's all you can do is to pray for your father. It is certainly a very powerful thing, though!

              That is incredible about the house! What a lovely gift to live in such a home!

              It's understandable you feel as you do towards the Jezebel in your father's life. It's bold of you to admit it & I'm proud of you! I believe too, that honesty is of the utmost importance! Remember the parable of the tax collector & pharisee? It's also vital to our mental health to be honest with ourselves.

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              • I returned to my email after typing this response… I get a daily devotional from biblegateway.com. This was today’s verse.. I thought it might encourage you, Anne…

                1 John 5:14-15
                New King James Version

                [ Confidence and Compassion in Prayer ] Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.

                Liked by 1 person

                • annealcroft

                  Dear Cynthia, your words and work are remarkably validating because your heart is filled with love for God. That makes all the difference in the world.

                  What you’ve taken the time to share this morning made my spirits soar!

                  Right after just reading your messages, I came across this morning devotional that I want to share here with you because it echoes yours in a wonderful way.

                  God is so very present in our lives and what is so valuable about your work here is that you help those of us working through our post-narcissist trauma to sort out what is from God and what is not. The narcissists damage our soul relationship to God and because they are evil, it takes work like yours to help us to get to the Light of God and the brighter He shines His Light, the better we’re able to recognize and define the evils of narcissism.

                  Anyway, here is the devotional from this morning from utmost.org:

                  The Passion Of Patience

                  Though it tarry, wait for it. HABAKKUK 2:3

                  Patience is not indifference; patience conveys the idea of an immensely strong rock withstanding all onslaughts. The vision of God is the source of patience, because it imparts a moral inspiration. Moses endured, not because he had an ideal of right and duty, but because he had a vision of God. He “endured, as seeing Him Who is invisible.” A man with the vision of God is not devoted to a cause or to any particular issue; he is devoted to God Himself. You always know when the vision is of God because of the inspiration that comes with it; things come with largeness and tonic to the life because everything is energized by God. If God gives you a time spiritually, as He gave His Son actually, of temptation in the wilderness, with no word from Himself at all, endure, and the power to endure is there because you see God.

                  “Though it tarry, wait for it.” The proof that we have the vision is that we are reaching out for more than we have grasped. It is a bad thing to be satisfied spiritually. “What shall I render unto the Lord?” said the Psalmist. “I will take the cup of salvation.” We are apt to look for satisfaction in ourselves — “Now I have got the thing; now I am entirely sanctified; now I can endure.” Instantly we are on the road to ruin. Our reach must exceed our grasp. “Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect.” If we have only what we have experienced, we have nothing; if we have the inspiration of the vision of God, we have more than we can experience. Beware of the danger of relaxation spiritually. From My Utmost for His Highest Classic Edition

                  Bible in One Year: 1 Kings 12-13; Luke 22:1-20

                  Thank you so much, Cynthia! You are a real treasure!

                  Have a blessed day!

                  AA ❤

                  Like

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