Sexual Narcissists

The term sexual narcissist describes a narcissist who thinks they are incredibly gifted in the area of sex.  This attitude makes them feel entitled  to anything they want in that area, no matter the pain & suffering it may cause their partner.  So long as the sexual narcissist gets what he or she wants, that is all that matters.

There are some signs that show you if you’re involved with such a person.  Some people are guilty of such behaviors from time to time, but when the behaviors are a constant, that is a big red flag that your partner is a sexual narcissist.

In the beginning, the narcissist is extremely attentive, flirtatious, & complementary.  Granted, this is sort of the norm in any relationship.  However, narcissists take it to an extreme, leaving a victim swept off their feet.  They also stop this behavior suddenly & with no explanation, leaving their victim confused & willing to do anything to regain the narcissist’s attention.  This makes the victim easier to control, which is why they behave in such a manner.

Once the newness wears off, the victim’s sole purpose is to please the narcissist.  As a narcissist becomes comfortable in the relationship, their focus changes from being this perfect partner to “What can I get from my victim?”  Any degrading or deviant fantasy the narcissist has is demanded of the victim.  Nothing is off limits, even if it causes the victim physical or emotional suffering.  When the victim protests, the narcissist shames the victim for being a prude, immature or not loving the narcissist.  Sometimes they get violent & force their victim into doing what they want, & other times they use manipulation & shaming to get it.

The victim is not allowed to have needs or wants.  At this point, the narcissist’s mask is off.  The victim knows that he or she is there to please the narcissist.  The victim also is learning that his or her own needs & wants mean nothing to the narcissist.  In fact, victims are often ridiculed for having their own wants & needs.  Sexual narcissists think of their victims as inhuman, without needs or wants.  How can a thing, an inanimate object have needs or wants?  It’s ridiculous.  All that matters is the narcissist’s needs & wants.  The victim’s are at best shrugged off, at worst mocked.

Narcissists are more focused on their performance than their partner.  Since narcissists are so deathly afraid of criticism, they focus on avoiding it at all costs.  This behavior extends to the bedroom.  They often even focus more on how they’re performing than their partner.

Many sexual narcissists engage in extremely unhealthy sexual behavior, such as pornography or infidelity.  Your average person realizes there are unhealthy sexual activities, & avoids doing them.  They also realize they can enjoy sex with their mate in many ways without going near any of those unhealthy boundaries.  Narcissists however are different.  Nothing they want is wrong or unhealthy in their minds.  If someone is hurt or offended by their actions, clearly that person has a problem, not the narcissist.

If you’re involved with a sexual narcissist, the best advice I can give you is RUN!  They’re dangerous to your emotional health.  If you do as they want, your self esteem will be obliterated because of the degrading things the narcissist forced you to do.  If you refuse, they will destroy your self esteem by making you feel like the most awful, unreasonable & ugly person in the world for not being a willing victim to their depraved ways.  They’re also dangerous to your physical health.  They frequently get sexually transmitted diseases from their cheating ways & infect their partners.

Rather than deal with such dreadful outcomes, if at all possible get away from this person!  Protect your physical & emotional health!


Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Mental Health, Narcissism

19 responses to “Sexual Narcissists

  1. For me, it was the foot rub. LOL! The scariest narcissist I was ever with gave me a couple of foot rubs in the beginning. I had never had a foot rub before! It was so nice! He went on to infiltrate my friends & work space, took money, etc etc. A few years after our break-up, his next partner “suicided” himself. I, and everyone in my world, was pretty sure he had a hand in it. Needless to say, I never want a foot rub again! LOL! (It feels good to be able to laugh about it now.)


    • Foot rubs aren’t fighting fair… LOL

      Oh wow.. that’s the thing about narcissists.. they don’t always pull the trigger or make someone take the pills but that doesn’t mean they didn’t kill someone. They kill their victims either “only” by destroying their identity or by forcing them to think suicide is the only option.

      Laughter is always a good thing! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. LOL! Agreed that foot rubs are not fighting fair!

    The dead partner was scarier, and I shouldn’t be laughing about it. It would be a “48 Hours” story the partner been a pretty young blond girl.

    Supposedly, they had a fight. The partner chose to sleep in another room of their apartment. Wrote a suicide note on the computer, and then put a bag over his head and died that night.

    The next morning, my ex went to work without ever checking in on his partner in the next room.

    A few hours later, friends of the partner came to meet up, found the partner dead and called the police.

    The police had enough to deem it a suicide. My ex quickly had him cremated. All done. Neat and tidy.

    The partner only had one living sister who was suspicious. But it was too late since her brother’s remains had already been cremated.

    So yes. Be suspicious of foot rubs.


  3. LOL! Foot rubs are definitely not fighting fair! Back rubs, too!

    Agreed.. if the parther was a pretty blonde girl, that story would be on 48 Hours or ID channel.

    That is disturbing. There are a ton of ways to commit suicide but I’ve never heard of that one. I’m surprised he was able to have his partner cremated.. I thought that would fall into the hands of the sister since they were family & the ex wasn’t married to his partner? The whole thing sounds very fishy. Sad, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ibikenyc

    I’m thinking of that show “Evil Lives Here.”

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I wonder if narcs are more likely to commit incest or molestation? Idk,just a thought

    Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t know either but I would think so. Their mentality is they want what they want & that’s all that matters, so why wouldn’t they do that sort of thing?

      Liked by 4 people

      • annealcroft

        Interesting this subject surfaces as it has been running through my mind lately.

        Thinking back to very early childhood I was aware of having the creeps around certain people, especially my narcissist father.

        As a very little girl, maybe two and a half, if I had to go to the bathroom during the night I would call for my mother — “Mommy, I’ve got to go potty.” She would come and get me and take me to the bathroom which was downstairs but after a while, because she didn’t want to get out of bed, she’d send my father. After a few times that he brought me to the bathroom, I remember becoming very frightened of my father.

        Back then, though I always sat behind him in the car because he had a leather jacket with a beaver collar that I loved to push my nose into, suddenly I was afraid to even sit behind him in the car. No matter how badly I needed to go potty, I finally learned how to make it downstairs to the bathroom by myself. I was very little, no more than three years old.

        When I was a teenager, one summer night while I was using the bathroom I caught him hiding under the window. That is voyeurism.

        After my mother died, my father started wearing clothes that he never would have worn while my mother was alive and then started wearing strong, stinky cologne. There’s a saying, “desperation is stinky cologne.”

        When I asked him to help me with a project at my house, he showed up one afternoon in tight jeans, sparkling white sneakers and shirt with the collar turned up, wreaking of stinking cologne. I wanted to throw him out. I had the absolute creeps around him and couldn’t wait to get him out of my house.

        I’ve always felt that he was a pervert so what’s happening now should come as no surprise as he is being controlled, and is the victim, of a woman as perverted as he is if not worse.

        Oy vey.

        Liked by 2 people

    • ibikenyc

      Interesting thought. I agree with what Cynthia says about the sense of entitlement.

      Liked by 3 people

  6. annealcroft

    Reading this post this morning gave me a shot of adrenaline that set my day in motion. I copy/pasted it and sent if off to my old man, who is the “victim” of the sex narcissist who destroyed his marriage, his family, is draining his financial resources, and mops the floor with him though he blames me for all his woes.

    This post is like good mouthwash. I may belabor the point by now about my father as I persevere in working out the incredible heartbreak he has caused me throughout my lifetime and now, at age 62 as he admits to embezzling and squandering my inheritance to the tune of several hundreds of thousands of dollars, I do my best to stay close to God and do all I can to be a good Christian. That is all that matters.

    I’ve spent the past decade of my life trying to pull my old man out of the lake of fire. But that seems to be where he wants to be. So be it. He sold out his fortune for cheap thrills, a sex narcissist who won’t be satisfied until she’s embezzled everything he owns. The tragedy is, my inheritance is going with it as is the entire family fortune which entails historic property that only left my family once in three hundred years.

    Nobody knows the heartbreak. It’s disgusting.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It is disgusting. I’m so sorry for all the pain & suffering this person has caused you. ❤

      Liked by 3 people

    • I am so sorry for the losses you have endured annealcroft.

      Liked by 2 people

      • annealcroft

        Thanks for your kind words, dougrross.

        Saint Therese of Lisieux helps put losses in proper perspective as she sees them as flowers of sacrifice, some with thorns, all to be offered to Jesus in reparation for our sins and those of others.

        She says, “I desire to suffer for love and even to rejoice through love; and in this way I shall strew flowers before your [Jesus’s] throne.” She sees the value in our suffering, the abuses we endure, as ultimately sweet as flowers that we must learn to offer up. I think that is a very beautiful way to overcome the things of the flesh and this world and to keep our eyes on Heaven and God. 1 Peter 1:13 teaches us to keep seeking things that are above, not things that are on earth.

        Hope you’re doing well and enjoying your summer. Peace.

        Liked by 1 person

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