Sick Vs Evil

People who aren’t terribly familiar with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often can be tricked by the “disorder” part of the name into thinking that narcissists are sick.  They cannot control their behavior because they have a mental illness, so you have to give them a free pass.  This is completely WRONG!

You see, there are differences between sick & evil.

A sick person cannot control their symptoms.  Look at a person with PTSD, for example.  Flashbacks happen & the person having them can’t stop them.  It doesn’t matter if the person is driving, at work or sitting on the couch watching a movie.  However, if you look at a narcissist, he or she can control the symptoms quite well.  I remember in my late teen years, my mother would scream at & berate me, but if the phone rang, she could switch that behavior off to speak to whoever was calling her.

Another difference is someone who is sick hurts someone, it isn’t intentional.  They clearly get no thrill from causing pain & suffering, & they feel genuine remorse for their actions.  They apologize.  They try to make it up to the person they hurt when possible.  They also do their best not to let that happen again.  Evil people behave nothing like this.  They enjoy causing pain & suffering.  It’s rather like a high to them because they feel powerful that they can affect someone so strongly.  They feel no remorse for their actions.  They don’t apologize but instead offer excuses, blame the victim, say the incident didn’t happen as the victim remembers it or it didn’t happen at all.

In spite of these very clear differences, it seems many people don’t acknowledge that sick & evil are very different things.  I think there are a couple of reasons for this.

Maybe this is because it is easier for people to write off abusive actions as sick.  Knowing that someone you love has chosen to inflict physical &/or mental pain on you is very difficult to accept.  That person loves you.. how could they want to hurt you, after all.

Another possible reason is sickness can be cured or at least managed.  Give someone the proper medication & their symptoms will be either cured or at least controlled.  There isn’t a pill to control or cure evil.  The person must want to stop doing evil things, & very rarely does an evil person want to change.  Clinging to the hope that the evil person is simply sick gives the victim hope of change.

When I first learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I got stuck on the term “disorder”.  I thought that meant that my parents’ actions were beyond their control.  If they couldn’t help themselves, then I shouldn’t be angry with them for hurting me.  It wasn’t intentional, I thought.  I would guess many people have thought the same thing.  If someone who is abusing them has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it can be very easy to believe at first that these problems are called disorders because the abuser can’t control their abusive actions.  That also is much easier to accept than the fact that your abuser is deliberately choosing to abuse you.

There is also the fact that if this is sickness as opposed to evil, everyone has an excuse to do nothing about the abuse.  After all, if it’s a sickness, no one but a doctor can fix that, right?

Claiming evil people are simply sick people does no good to anyone!  What people don’t realize is they are giving the evil person free reign to abuse.  They offer the abusive person no consequences for their actions, which means there is zero chance that abuser will want to change.  Why should they when they know they can do anything they want with no repercussions?

They also don’t seem to realize (or at least don’t want to admit) that this also invalidates & can further traumatize victims.  Victims who are trying to escape abuse or have escaped know the truth.  It hurts them to be told their abuser was just sick & they were wrong for being angry with him or her.

Just remember, Dear Reader, you know in your heart whether your abuser is sick or evil.  If you have any doubts, look at their behavior, & you’ll see the truth.

7 Comments

Filed under Abuse and the Healing Journey, Christian Topics and Prayers, Mental Health, Narcissism

7 responses to “Sick Vs Evil

  1. My mom was a realtor and my brother and I often joked about she would be on one her rages at us, saying things like, “I HAVE HAD IT!” “I AM GOING TO MASH YOUR MOUTH!”. And then the phone would ring, and with steem still coming out of her ears, she would pick up the phone and out would come the sweet, feminine, cutesy, musical voice – “Hello!”. (If there emojis for voices, it would be all hearts, flowers and rainbows – haha.)

    Liked by 3 people

    • Isn’t that the most bizarre thing in the world to see?! Mine was much the same. She just sounded so happy & perky when she answered the phone, even when she’d been raging & screaming like a maniac at me two seconds before.

      Liked by 4 people

  2. martijwis

    This is another “Keeper” article of yours, Cynthia! It was just what I needed to read. A few months ago, I begged off flying out to see relatives (including my son and his evil narcissist wife and my granddaughter who’s become her mom’s clone, unfortunately) for the unspecified future (meaning to me: for the rest of my life now, I’m 64). Lots of practicing alcoholics, drug addicts, and narcissists in my family of origin and my son’s family. I do have some health problems now so am using that as “my excuse”. I stated, at my age and w/ my health they can “just come and see me now when they want”. There ARE some benefits to “growing older”. So, facing the fact that life is SO much better without these evil people who refuse to change is the ONLY way to go. Most, if not all, of us readers of your blog, Cynthia, will eventually realize this. Thanks for writing!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your complement!

      Shoot, I can’t blame you at all! You gotta do what you gotta do to protect yourself from narcissists. It’s a shame when those narcissists in question are your family, but that doesn’t make the damage they try to do any less damaging! If anything, it makes it worse because you expect better from your own family.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. ibikenyc

    Seconding (thirding?) this.

    I get a new one torn out if I turn on the kitchen faucet too early (ie: before noon), but those who dare to call him or ring the doorbell are greeted warmly.

    (And I sit here muttering under my breath “How come you’re not screaming at THEM, huh? I’m sorry; I didn’t hear you. How come?”)

    Liked by 3 people

  4. You are so right. The failure to distinguish evil and illness is extremely dangerous.

    Like

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