In a previous post, I mentioned that I found some notes my father wrote concerning the abuse my mother inflicted on me. He had put them in the Bible he wanted me to place in his casket upon his death.
Since reading those notes, I hadn’t thought too much about them. It hurt too much & made me angry. Basically, from what I gathered from his notes, knowing him & what God spoke to me about the situation, it boiled down to my father let my mother abuse me because he felt unable to protect me. He didn’t have the inner strength to protect me, let alone himself. While it’s true he also got a degree of narcissistic supply from the situation, in this post, I want to focus on the lack of inner strength only.
Narcissistic abuse can sap a person of so much, including their inner strength. You can feel as if there is no point in trying anything, because anything you do is wrong, according to the narcissist. They also tell victims things like no one else will ever care about them like the narcissist does, you can’t trust anyone else, & you’re lucky the narcissist loves you because no one else would. These statements can destroy any sense of hope in a victim. Without hope, there seems to be no point in trying to escape the abuse or even protect yourself from it. If you have children with the narcissist in your life, it also seems hopeless to protect them.
As difficult as it is, please try to regain your inner strength!! No one deserves to be treated the way a narcissist treats their victim, & that includes you. I’m sure the narcissist told you that you deserve whatever they do to you, or that you make them act the way they do, but that is not true! It’s a lie to justify their abuse.
If you continue to tolerate this abuse, there is also the chance it could make you suicidal. Many victims have experienced that, including me. That is a terrible place to be, & one where you don’t deserve to be. You deserve to be happy & living a life free of abuse, not one where you’re planning your own death. I know it can look like the only escape you have, but that isn’t true! There are ways out, & you can find them!
If you have children, think about them. One of your jobs as the parent to protect them, & that includes protecting them from any abusive person, even if that abuser is their other parent.
If you think you should stay with your narcissistic partner “for the sake of the children”, think about what kind of example you’re setting for them by doing so. You’re showing them that they should tolerate abuse, & that people can treat them any old way they want to. They also see your partner abusing you, which sends them the message it’s ok to abuse you. This can lead to children who become angry at their parent for failing to protect them & treat the parent badly, even abusively.
If the narcissist in question is your children’s grandparent, I want you to think about something. Do you remember how your parent made you feel when you were your child’s age? Your parent is inflicting that same pain on your child. Do you really want your child to feel as miserable & hopeless as you did?
To help you regain your inner strength, think about things that inspire you to be strong. Sometimes a song makes me feel strong, other times it’s Scriptures in the Bible. Even internet memes can be surprisingly inspiring sometimes. I also read previous entries in my journal to remind me of things I’ve overcome since that helps strengthen me.
Most of all, I have found a close relationship with God to be the best thing to increase my inner strength. I ask Him to give me strength & to help me as I need it. Before my parents died, I asked those things often when I had to deal with them & God never failed to give me just what I needed at the time. He will do the same for you. Let Him help you, & do what you need to as well. Before you know it, you’ll have your inner strength back.