People who don’t understand Narcissistic Personality Disorder, flying monkeys in particular, seem to all think that setting boundaries & limits on a narcissist’s abusive behavior is a terrible thing to do. If the victim is a Christian, these people often add in that those limits are “ungodly”, “unloving” & even “not honoring your parents.” If a victim wants to divorce a narcissistic spouse, people are quick to point out the Scripture that says, “God hates divorce!” or “wives submit to your husbands” while leaving out anything else that can elaborate on these verses.
The fact however, is that these people are entirely wrong. Boundaries are loving, Godly & honorable.
You can’t change anyone’s behavior of course, but boundaries set the stage to encourage a person to behave in a better way. Good boundaries also show people how to treat others in a healthy way by displaying clearly what a person will & will not tolerate.
Consequences when someone disregards another’s boundaries also give a person a choice. They can change their behavior for the better & receive a better, healthier relationship in return for their efforts. Or, they can continue their bad behavior & suffer the negative consequences, such as someone terminating the relationship with them.
It is a loving thing to do to help people behave in a more Godly & loving way.
What is not a loving thing to do is enabling bad behavior. Tolerating abuse is far from loving. How could it be a loving thing to do to encourage someone to participate in bad, abusive & yes even sinful behavior? It isn’t loving at all nor is it Godly! Yet it seems like so many people think this is the case, & will twist Scripture around in an attempt to convince other people this is true.
And, on the opposite side of that same coin, how is it loving to tolerate things that cause pain? How does that sort of behavior benefit anyone? It only hurts victims & tells abusers that their awful behavior is fine.
I know this post is a very brief & basic one today, Dear Reader, but I felt the need to put it out there anyway. I feel someone needs this simple reminder, so here it is. Keep your boundaries in place & keep enforcing them! Anyone who doesn’t respect them is the one with the problem, not you. You aren’t a bad Christian or unloving spouse or adult child for having boundaries. You are simply giving someone the natural consequences of their behavior, as things should be. People reap what they so, as the Scripture says…..
Galatians 6:7-8 “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked [He will not allow Himself to be ridiculed, nor treated with contempt nor allow His precepts to be scornfully set aside]; for whatever a man sows, this and this only is what he will reap. 8 For the one who sows to his flesh [his sinful capacity, his worldliness, his disgraceful impulses] will reap from the flesh ruin and destruction, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.” (AMP)
Cynthia Bailey-Rug, Christian Author 